Hello, True Believers, and welcome once again to a ridiculously silly post by yours truly, The Crypto Idiot. If you like my posts, or at the very least are not outrageously enraged by them, please consider telling all your friends, your family members, and your dentist's neighbor's five year old stepson.
Today, I'd like to talk books. I'm an avid reader myself, and of course I've read many of the classics, whether forced to read them as an impressionable high schooler or by choice as an impressionable adult. One thing all of those so-called literary masterpieces have in common is a total lack of cryptocurrency references. Sure, you may say, "Hey Idiot, there WAS no crypto currency back when Hemmingway was drinking himself into a stupor and writing A Farewell to Arms!" - and sure, you'd be correct. But now that we live in the age of Bitcoin and the alts, I'd like to suggest a few re-writes by the famous authors of yore.
Below, I've re-imagined some well-known novels, but with a crypto bent. Let me know what you think in the comments, and feel free to add a few titles yourself!
- A Tale of Two Bitcoins -- The epic masterwork by Charles Dickens. "It was the most bearish of times, it was the most bullish of times." One man's heroic battle to prevent an unwanted French fork in the most popular coin of the realm.
- The Unbearable Lightcoin of Being -- Czech classic covering a wide span from the Prague Learn and Earn of 1968 to the Luna invasion and collapse of 1983. The main characters invest in multiple alt coins (poly-amorous polygon?) and ponder their purpose in the grand scheme of the multiverse while buying the dip at every opportunity.
- The Clan of the Kava Bear -- The survivor of a massive Avalanche in prehistoric times is taken in by a competing group of survivors, who worship animal totems - Shiba, Jackal, Uniswap - and teach the young girl the valuable lesson in HODLing.
- Fantom of the Opera -- A disfigured and scarred musical genius plays a lot of Beethoven and courts a lovely woman while traversing the sewers and shitcoins of Renaissance France. Lots of organ riffs.
- Eth on the Nile -- Murder most foul! When a wealthy dude-bro crypto influencer is found dead aboard a birthday cruise in Egypt, everyone is a suspect. Super sleuth Hercule Protocol calls up his "little gray cells" to provide Proof-of-Stake evidence and bring the killer to light.
- The Dogefather -- "I made him an Airdrop he couldn't refuse!" Mafia boss Don Cardano provides plenty of Alpha, strangles a few Blockchains, and does weird things with orange slices before losing 99% of his bags.
- Gone with the Wynd -- Set directly after the Civil War, Rhett Bridger and Scarlett O'Halving butt heads and fall in love while Alt-lanta burns around them. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a DAO."
