I'm a traditionalist when it comes to computers. I like my keyboard, I like a big screen, and I hate having to strain my eyeballs to the point of them popping out of my skull to see something. I'm also not a fan of carrying a big digital brick on my hip or stuffed in my pocket ready to break on bending, which is the case with many cells these days. Unfortunately, the tech world continues to evolve towards mobile, wear-play, with smaller and smaller gizmos that would make an Atari 1980s game control look like a Duplo block compared to Japanese miniature Lego piece (seriously, compare the two, it's amazing the size).

Now, I've always subscribed to the idea that a mobile (cell phone for us yanks) should be compact. That was the original idea in the sci-fi concept that germinated the cell phone, the Star Trek communicator. Didn't you ever wonder where those flip-phone designs came from in the first place? Think Captain Kirk or the red shirt guy who always dies (totally bad career choice for those characters). However, where a "Jitterbug" size font makes sense, today's mobile's are designed for kids with 20/20 vision wearing reading glasses. WTH. I honestly get a headache after 5 minutes of looking at my mobile all the time, even with prescription glasses. I can't imagine what it's doing to someone spending hours trolling through Twitter-bate and similar on social media in the middle of the night.

Then there is gamer's thumb syndrome? Think I'm joking? In both your thumbs (well both if you have two), there is a natural sheath that your thumb control tendon moves through. Why? I don't know. I didn't design humans. In any case, that sheath can get irritated from overuse, ergo the name from gamers who don't stop for days on end. As a result, when it inflames, you can barely move your thumb without instant pain. Texting profusely is the exact prescription needed for inducing gamer's thumb repeatedly. Having already done that to myself one Thanksgiving weekend when I went on a Minecraft binge with the Xbox, I am not keen on doing it again. However, everyone wants me to text. FFS, send a goddam email, already!

"No, I want an instant response to my text!!!"

Ok, I'll send you an instant gif of my middle finger flipping you off.

You can see how this goes. Texting and I don't mix well.

The best part, however, is that when mobiles first really started being practical, they had a keyboard. Actual buttons, I mean. Yah, the blackberries were clunky, but they worked. Now, everything is on a glass window screen. That sensitivity works half the time, and half on the wrong link. And, even better, I've noticed that when you use your phone a lot, your screen actually develops micro-damage and begins to blur on the areas you contact the most. Now I have an upside down L-shaped blur on my mobile, making reading even worse. Great. F**k you Apple. 

I hate my mobile...