Yesterday started off rather well for me. It was my turn to be at the office on Capitol Hill for my internship so I walked with Jenna, the Congressman's daughter I work for, to work. It was snowing and cold but since I am leaving to get back home in two days it wasn't the worst thing in the world. However, even though I was able to get a ton of stuff done at the office: answering phone calls, directing people to better routes of getting the help they need, taking comments and recommendations for the Congressman, sorting mail, and more of my internship duties this would not last. 

Right around 2:30 pm when I was researching and writing a new article about the Texas grid failing I realized I was starting to get a headache. That made sense with it snowing as the weather was changing so the barometric pressure was also changing. I tried to finish up the article, which I will hopefully post later today, but no matter the painkillers I took I could not get my headache under control. Finally, it reached the point where I was having double vision and, to be honest, I was getting super irritated. At this point, it was past 3 so I was very hopeful that I could push on the next two hours and just leave work at a normal time. 

I texted Jenna because I began to smell cigar smoke and I did not know if that was some made-up smell I was smelling or if it was happening in real life. I know the Congressman smoked cigars and was actually happy to know he had had one in his hand when she had left his office a couple of minutes earlier. Then an aura kicked off. An aura is something that can happen before a migraine headache or a seizure. I have previously had them in regards to migraine headaches and they are difficult to describe. Sometime later after this whole situation had passed I went looking for how to describe them. 

Aura's are not necessary to have before having a seizure. The best way I can think to describe them is when they occur you know something bad is about to happen. I have been very lucky before, and the "bad" has been just absolute killer headaches that often take days to get rid of if not weeks. Yesterday's was different though for the reason that I felt off. I could feel my heart racing and before anything got worse I was able to check my heart rate on my Apple Watch. The reading came back at over 100 bpm which when sitting down is very very high. Further, I was really struggling to see anything and felt out of body. I am not sure if it was being aware of this or if this was another symptom but I felt very panicky... People I know have said they have suffered from this feeling as part of the aura but I feel like it might have been me knocking I was at the receptionist desk so if anyone walked in I would be the first person they would see.

Before I knew it my right arm started to shake and not in the way that it does when I have spasms. I tried to focus on other things but that is not something that is really possible and felt and watch it spread to my other arm. My whole body really started to try and give out on me. Not able to really communicate anything I was able to send my roommate Alex and Jenna both a text that said: "aura" between shaking episodes. I do not really remember sending the one to Alex. I sent it to him at 3:25 I do not remember getting a response back from him and the next thing I knew I was waking up to the office phone ringing. I had knocked over not only my personal computer but the office laptop I was issued. 

When someone has a seizure and comes out of it they often enter a phase called the postictal phase. When in that phase the person is not 100% there and they can easily slip into another seizure if they cannot get out of it. In my last relationship, this was a huge issue that we struggled with as she would not be able to fully come out of the postictal phase and would then slip back into having another seizure. This stage can last between 5-30 minutes or longer if the person had a rather severe seizure. Now I do not know how long my seizure was, if I had more than one, or when my postical phase began. I remember someone microwaving at some point and then my memory fades out again. I sent Jenna the "aura" text at 3:43 but don't remember this at all. I really don't remember anything until after 4:10. The only reason why this time seems seared in my head was that I realized it was under an hour left and I could fake it this long I could pretend everything was okay. 

While I did answer a couple more phone calls I had to keep checking to make sure I had entered them as I kept forgetting if I had done so or not. This is not normal for me as I enter them if not immediately after we receive them then as soon as I finish up the call I am on that prevented me from entering them. I rolled our phones a little early to pack up all of my stuff and shut down everything then as soon as 5 rolled around I walked to the back of the office to tell the guys that were there I was leaving. I made a beeline home to get to my room and more importantly my bed. When I got home I started feeling wrong again. This time it was not an aura though it was something else I was not sure at all. I got my bed cleared and such and ran into my roommate who I told what had happened. My right arm again started to shake so I got into bed in case it was another one. While this progressed to my right left also shaking it never went any further.

Once I felt "better" I got out of bed and laid on the couch and tried to get my roommate to carry on with what he was doing. He had been about to leave to go to the grocery store when I interrupted him with my health. He is a great guy and really refused to leave me alone for over an hour till I finally got him to go. After he had left I contacted my friend who in school to be a chiropractor. When it comes to my health or anyone's health Connor is a guy I will always trust and go to for advice. He was really big on me telling my parents, Jenna, and the Congressman. While with most things I have no issue with discussing my health is finicky. Most of the time I just do not want others to worry about. After half an hour though he won me over and I decided to tell Jenna first because she would be able to guide me in telling the Congressman. I guess sadly I am not sure how else to describe it Jenna did not really respond much/if at all to me so, in the end, I went to bed before 8 with only my roommate Alex and friend from back home Connor knowing. 

Today and really this afternoon I finally told my mom. It did not really go as I would have hoped. I ended up getting questioned on if it did actually happen and how did I know. That's the issue with seizures though you don't actually know. You have a bunch of pieces though and can construct a picture that really explains what happens but when no one hears or sees you having it there isn't really evidence. A seizure is your brain misfiring after all so you by default cannot really know. I can say I remember the aura, I remember the shaking, I did not decide to take a nap at work, and finally, I had to set up the laptops again as they were knocked over.

I am not sure how or when I will tell Jenna but I need to talk to her before I talk to her father. It is safe to say it is a mess right now and I need face-to-face conversations and not a conversation about my health over text messaging. There is too much that can get lost or misconstrude and this is important this is my health and I do not want people getting some wrong or weird impression of me. For whatever reason, in the last 36 hours or so people have really decided that texting me about anything and everything is the way to go which never happens. I really need people and Jenna, in particular, to just make time to meet with me or not be upset when I lock them out of my health situation.