My first love is someone I never actually loved.

You're already lost, aren't you? Don't worry. I'll explain as soon as I can. The day I understand myself. Someone who was once the closest I ever let myself get to a person, is now the most distant from me.

He's the only crush that ever mattered. The love I felt before I knew what love was. But you see, his heart attack at the very thought told me how bad it would be. To fall down that road is to upend everything. And I was too young to make such a tumultuous decision; hence the older I got the more I understood the stance I took, and how it was the right one.

He was akin to family.

And uhm....so much more older than me. 

*winces*

Hey! It's not as bad as you think. I was the pursuer and he, the insect trapped in my weaving. You would find that impossible by normal standards, yes. The truth is, I was not the child you wanted in your head. I was the child that bored into your life and stole your valuables while you weren't "aware". And by the time I was old enough to be with him, I was as interested as a blonde in a chemistry lab.

And so my first love is the man I never desired.

Then again, I never said it was that sort of relationship.

There are many stories before this one; of things that transpired.

I'm just not too sure about the whole "writing being therapeutic" and "letting go".