I get approached far more often then I ever expected by complete strangers who want to begin their gender transition asking me if I have any advice for them. When I have time to give them my undivided attention; I have the conversation I wish someone would have had with me. If you're ready to transition, having made peace with every aspect of it, then it will be the single most fulfilling and important choice you will likely ever make. It will be a breathe of fresh air as you feel the sun for the first time after nearly suffocating in a icy puddle of god knows what. If you aren't ready though it may literally be what kills you, or leaves you so lost and traumatized that you forget who you are. You deserve to live the life you dream of and to be alive to see it unfold.  I am not an expert, licensed or a doctor. I am a transgender woman who has been transitioning for 6 years; I've lived it. There are so many wonderful things you are about to discover, but also some truths that you need to hear so you are not blindsided. I wish you the absolute best on your journey, stay strong, stay you and you will be successful. 

So without further blabbing on, my advice to you is;

1 - You are already you. Nothing during transition causes you to become you. You need to accept that you are already the woman/man you dream of being. Transitioning starts inside. If you don't believe you are you, or if you don't like or know who you are, start with a therapist or other mental health professional that will talk with you regularly. I want to stress that popping a few mental health meds wont solve this problem; you have to deal with it inside. It cant be medicated.  DO NOT QUITE YOUR MEDS OR AVOID TRYING MEDS PER THIS ADVICE EITHER! Mental health medication is an option to be decided by you with your doctors advice and monitoring. It is a tool that helps many people as they overcome their hurdles. 

2 - Undergoing HRT is not going to "fix" anything. HRT often will throw you through an emotional and mental roller coaster. There is a reason it is called second puberty. Having adult issues and responsibilities means the emotional and mental responses of a 13 year old brings very real and damaging consequences. The physical and potentially mental changes made are often irreversible. This is a step that you need to research and truly understand. You should be able to answer any question about it like a medical expert. Make sure you are fully prepared for both the severe life threatening dangers of, and the realistic limits of HRT. I now have varicose veins and dangerously high blood pressure from HRT and did not expect either. Estrogen specifically is dangerous, and not in a haha way, but in a will kill you without any warning way. This is a serious decision that I see people blindly  jumping into and that is careless and dangerous - it is a decision we do not need to be taking so lightly.

3 - Surgery is not required, and will not "fix" anything. When I started transitioning I wanted 28 different surgeries; 6 years in I have had none and want none. I get a little panicky when I think about what life would be like if I had went through with all of them. I would have very likely not liked myself.  I encourage you to really sit on it a few years first before undergoing any surgery. I do not discourage surgery though, if you feel like it is what is best. I know many people who have had surgeries, some of them a lot of surgeries, and they are also happy. It is a personal choice you will figure out when its time. Do not let anyone pressure you or make you feel like you must have or must not have surgery. You will be loved and accepted for who you become by the people who support you. 

4 - Mental and physical health come first. Before you transition it is crucial that you have a solid and stable ground to stand on. I suggest you find a therapist and be seeing them before you begin. I use Teledoc and my therapist calls me on the phone every week so I don't have to worry about getting to an office. Know who your support is (These people are going to be so very important and they are not always part of the LGBT community.) Physically take care of yourself; have a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, quite smoking, get sober. All of these will make transitioning far easier. There is the possibility that coming off of HRT is necessary for your mental or physical health at some point in time. If it happens know that you can start back. A healthy trans person is a happy trans person and there is no due date on your journey.

5 - It ain't cheap, financial health is required. I know that transgender people are some of the most unemployed or underemployed in the country. Transitioning is going to be expensive. Therapy, transportation, medical visits, prescriptions, clothes, beauty products; its all expensive. Insurance does not always cover things involving transgender care. There is also the possibility that where you work, depending on what protections the state you live in has, may not be okay with it and will let you go. Have a saving account prepared for that just in case. 

6 - You are a transgender not a CIS gender person. I know this one may be controversial to say; which shows how badly we need to change our view on ourselves and take pride in the fact that we are different. We are trans and we should own that. We can benefit from our unique lives, but we choose to identify with something we aren't; effectively throwing away what makes us so unique, and toxically denying who we are so that we can pretend society believes us. You are not and will never be a CIS woman or man. Your health, your bodies abilities and the way that heteronormative people view you is going to be as a transgender person regardless of what surgery you have. I think the hardest part for me was realizing one day that no matter what I did I was never going to be capable of one thing CIS gender woman are - carrying a child. This wasn't because I wanted kids terribly, but because being in my 20's men still have the idea of potentially having  a family one day. Yeah you can adopt, but you have to accept that some men want their own blood line and they want to raise that kid with the woman who they created it with. Love is not what they make it to be in movies - family pressures, society pressures and the idea of what a family is may heavily influence the people who are romantically interested. Even if kids are not an issue and you get the full sexual reassignment surgery; you are still not going to biologically be a CIS gender person and that will be a hurdle some people wont be willing to jump. Don't deny yourself what makes you unique; own it and be proud that you are part of one of the smallest and strongest minority groups in the world. 

7 - Be your best friend and biggest ally. Transgender issues are new, and we still have to fight for some of the most basic crap; like using the bathroom in public or having our gender recognized. You are guaranteed, at least once, to have to take a stance by yourself and show you are not going to be treated as less then. You have to be your own ally; you wont always have someone there to defend or fight for you, and if you cant stand alone then this journey isn't for you. You also have to enjoy your company by itself, and before transitioning you need to face yourself anyways so this is a two birds one stone piece of advice. I'm not saying you wont have support, or that you wont face yourself several more times during your transition, but you need to do it before hand as well. 

8  - You are a fetish and you have a responsibility. Transgender woman are often seen as a fetish before a person. I cant speak for transgender men but I imagine it is similar. This is, in my experience, a hefty proportion of the attention you receive. Be careful with this attention. You can enjoy it, and it feels nice to be admired and feel beautiful and desired. When you're feeling lonely this change is wonderful, but it quickly will turn into you being used, and then forgotten until the user feels horny again. This is my personal opinion but it is not without merit; You have a responsibility to your community to not allow people to walk on us or use us as a fetish. You have a responsibility to control yourself and not paint our community as a bunch of horny cross dressers. We are viewed as such because we allowed others to view us as a fetish. We will never feel the benefits of societal integration if we continue to allow people to view us in such a negative light. Make sure your interactions are not sexually based more often then they are friendly, educational or in some way beneficial to society in a non sexual way. We deserve more, and those before us died fighting for more when more wasn't as option. We owe them, if nothing else, our dedication to becoming a safe recognized piece of everyday society.  *I fully support anyone who is a sex worker - this is in reference to our interactions day to day not in regards to consensual sex work in a safe environment*

9 -  If you go against the status que you are going to get attention.  I do my best to blend it, but do not sacrifice my individuality. During a conversation with one of my heteronormative cisgender friends they had mentioned that I am the only transgender person they hang out with. They feel comfortable around me, but not others. I have heard this before, and so I decided to dig a little and find out why. It boiled down to how I dress and carry myself. I made sure they knew that the word "pass" was toxic and not to even go there because we all have the right to dress as we please and take pride in who we are. I was proud of their response "yeah I agree, but you don't purposefully draw attention and act shocked when you get it. You don't have a melt down or make a scene when someone looks at you funny or makes a comment because you're in stilettos with pink hair at the gas station at 11am on a Monday. You dress like any other woman but  have confidence and ignore any comment made. So I know that I can associate with you and not feel like I'm going to get embarrassed." I support this view. Transgender people are not well known, and we are painted by our opposers as some horny crossdressers doing drugs and causing shit. No-one has ever been different and not drawn attention. It is NOT because you are transgender that they are saying anything. They are using transgender because they think that it will be the key to get you to react; giving them the ability to make you out to be exactly what they want too. If you cant confidently and without reaction go against the grain; then learn to blend in quickly. You are not going to stop these people from making comments, but you can stop them from being able to make you out to be whatever they plan too. This brings me to my final piece of advice and relates back to what my friend said. 

10 - People have their own anxiety and lives to maintain. You are allowed to be hurt or upset if someone has anxiety around publicly being associated with you, but you have no right to judge or make feel guilty if someone makes this known.. In modern society this can have consequences still for some people, and religion may play a factor as well. As I said before; you will have to be your best friend. Those people are not necessarily non supportive, judgmental, or against you. They may very well just be fearful of the consequence of being in public with you. I know that hurts, but this is your journey and yours alone. They aren't transitioning, they chose and built their own life. They have a right to not want to be apart of your transition for any reason. You have the right to decide to not associate with anyone that acts this way, but that is the only right you have when it comes to other people.

I know some of these may feel overwhelming or discouraging to some. I encourage you to continue building support, seeing a therapist and preparing for your journey. Remember that transitioning does not have a timeline you are required to follow. This journey is fulfilling and ends up in a  beautiful place if you can be prepared. I'm putting some links below for you to check out and remember You are NOT alone. You ARE worthy. You ARE capable. You ARE deserving. You ARE seen. You ARE heard. You ARE loved. You ARE appreciated. You ARE Enough.

I cant wait to see how amazing your story turns out <3 - Regina

If you are suicidal, feel like hurting yourself or know someone who is Call or text 800-273-8255

For Trans or LGBT Youth I suggest  you checkout Youth outright here - I participated in them in my teenage years and they can be a wonderful place to find support or meet friends. If the hyperlink doesn't work copy and paste https://www.youthoutright.org/

If you need immediate support in a time of crisis, please contact Trans Lifeline - 877-565-886

A simple google search is often the best way to find support, answers and those who are like you.

If you liked what you read follow me! Feel free to tip as it helps me, but do not feel obligated. I appreciate you taking the time to read what I had to say and hope it helped someone, even if its only one.