GitHub always has the most updated version.
9 Sep 2022
Two days ago I questioned why we should assume that the influential would remain faithful to thier roles, including news agencies. Of course there are moments when people of different roles do their jobs, and do them well. It is true even for authoritarian governments and greedy businessmen. But something like editors banning the publishing of the facts found by reporters are not unheard of. When the worry is very valid, I want to express my respect specially for the reporters who are still trying hard to safeguard the truth for us today. Many of them worked hard and even suffered a great deal just for that.
<Aternoon, writing in haste>
/**I would rather be called paranoid than no one knows what is happening.
After the Lithuanian lesson and lunch I asked the officers in the canteen if I can come for lunch at another time when there is Lithuanian class. The officers didn't speak English. A woman in plain clothes, maybe a volunteer, answered me. But what she answered was where to find the pyschologist.
When I returned to my room after excising in the park including punching and kicking the sandbag, three women in plain clothes, again I am not sure if they are staff or volunteers, came and told me to go to the psychologist. Their body language suggested it had something to do with my punching and my roommate pointed at a window which seems kind of broken at the turn part. But they refused to give any reason when I asked. They did not speak English (often time when something that should be explained well, it is some people who don't speak English being sent) and asked another refugeee, the one who gave me Lithuania lesson that turned into Arabic lesson on Monday, to interpret.
This is not the first time pyschologist and pyscho are mentioned. The first time was immediately after I said that I felt under surveillance (which is still continuing) like it was in my homeland when I was still in the Pabrade Foreigners Registration Centre. Pyscho was uttered every now and then right after that. There are actually much more than just surveillance. Many of the harassments I faced in my homeland are also happening here. Just to name some of them, people intentionally mimicked some troubles I faced. By mimic I mean I do not know they are actually doing the same or just acting. For example, people (the supposed fellow refugees) were following me to the toilet and the shower. Everyone including the children knew what I did in my room, which were practicing punching and kicking as well as other excises with windows and the door closed (I alone had the room back then). People surrounding the food that would be distributed to me. Come to me with the same questions that I said I don't want to talk about after being harassed with, sometimes even insist to have me answer them rudely. As far as calling me mofo when I offered to talk about something else while refusing to continue the topic. I tried to tell myself that I was thinking too much at first, I hoped it was just misunderstandings then, I hoped it was just attempts to frighten me and have me try to escape after. But it is continuing to no end and sometimes what they do have me worries that I would be framed for something.
I don't know if it is the influence of the Chinese Communist Party or not. I don't know which is worse. If it is the CCP or if it is not.
*/
Went to the psychologist later than they asked me to, nobody was there.
Some added information, the questions people bugger me with are actually some common questions if not compounded with the other harassment or bad attitude. Such as asking how I am with all the on-going harassment. Asking me if the food is good while acting (intentionally) furtive around the food. Asking me where I am from even after all these and obviously they know the answer already. Sometimes I try to answer nicely although it has been proven useless again and again, and funny thing happens, they are not happy with my answers. I find it hard to imagine why they would be unhappy if they mean to greet or ask out of caring.
What bothers me the most is that there are things that shouldn't be known by these people if there is nothing wrong. If you have read my other posts, even what I do on my phones and laptops are not safe from prying eyes.
Another interesting thing is that I was actually told to go to the doctor for checks last week. But what happened last week was that a group of people including me was questioned by someone who claimed to be a psychologist. We were questioned together and there were question about private information that happened to be what my persecutors, many of who are just the common people like you and I, in my homeland liked asking (those people were extremely petty and probably thought that those questions hurt my feelings), such as our age and marriage status. Some others about what happened in our homeland, such as did we see dead people. I didn't want to say these, but it seems to me since months ago that some people think that their sufferings are "superior". And think that others have no right to talk about being persecuted. Now, I am not saying that the situation is not grave in thier homeland, but does it make my asylum seeking a sin? Or does it give them the right to replicate what I suffered?
Another question was the degree (1-10) of pressure we were feeling, I felt strange and gave the middle number 5. I don't know if these questions are common or not, but having psychologist questioning people, with private queations no less, in group certainly feels strange to me. The increasing frightening evironment also has me think a lot.
Once again, I really don't know if it is the influence of the CCP or not, nor which is worse.
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In the recent year, I am greatly disappointed by some of the professions that used to be highly respected.
But instead of saying people of certain professions are failing the public expectation, perhaps it is more simple and appropriate to say that we together are failing humanity. We are still teaching, actually just telling, the same values to the children. However as soon as we finish speaking, we take children for fools and lie when there are some things we don't want to let them know or explain. We take trickery as cleverness. We take shameless as courageous. We dream for abusable power. We tolerate evil.
(unfinished...)
