Darband Thoughts

They say that Darband is one of the recreational places in Tehran. People go there on weekends. They say that Darband is very beautiful. But I didn't see any particular beauty. Everywhere smells of constant dampness. It bothers me. They say that everyone is free in Darband. But I don't see freedom here. All I can think about is when will I kill this rascal who looks like Yalda's father. They say that people have fun in Darband. Its nature is great. But I didn't see even a red flower. There is captivity everywhere.

I had never seen Darband before. Except now that I sat on the old prison bed. I'm waiting for a good opportunity to kill this damn rascal. I only felt Darband. A sense of despair, hopelessness, and weakness. I'm afraid that if I say it, it will harm me in court. But they still say that people love Darband. Where is that?

How do people know what it feels like to be in prison. I'm in prison now.

This world is closed to me without Yalda.

The Yalda I dreamed of every day. To get her. To be happy with her.

What am I doing here? Who are these crazy people that I have to be with in this damp cell.

Oh. I'm sick of this life.

I want to kill this fucking bastard. I don't know where he came from. I bet he's Yalda's father. The resemblance is not accidental.

I can feel the sound of his throat being crushed under my hand.

Tonight, before the death sentence, I'll do the trick.

I'll wait until nightfall. Then I'll finish the job.

It's nightfall. Like every night, they send someone to look for him. No one makes a mistake. My job is getting harder.

Until the sentence comes, this guy walks in front of me. He's on my nerves.

It won't happen like this. I have to ask myself if he is really Yalda's father or someone else.

No, Dad. He is Yalda's father.

I don't think so.

Go ahead and ask.

I went forward. He was lying face down on the bed. His foot was on the metal bed frame. He turned his head. He said, "Here you go. Honey. Do you have something to do?"

Bahman: No. I had nothing to do. I just asked how you were. Are you okay?

I understood from his look, he said, "Who is this crazy person?"

This look confirmed my stomach. It was Yalda's father. His face had changed. He wanted to torture me.

His look was the same as Yalda's father's. It couldn't be anyone else.

He turned back and said, "I'm fine, Bahman. But show yourself to the prison doctor. You're pale. You're not feeling well."

Oh. This look makes me feel sick. He said, "Go see the doctor."

I bet it's Yalda's father. He won't let me rest in prison either. He's pretending to be crazy. Take him to a mental institution. No. I'll finish his work tonight.

It was night. The prison was dark. The smell of dampness was coming from the rotten walls.

Oh. I'm sick of this life.

This ridiculous world wasn't enough. Now the smell of dampness was added.

I slowly went to the bed where the crack was. Let me start the work.

Oh, father. Where did this soldier come from.

Soldier: Hey prisoner. Go to sleep. What are you doing.

Bahman: Nothing. I was looking for my toothbrush and it fell off.

Oh, Bahman. Where did you get the toothbrush? This is going to be a problem for you.

Oh, father. You always find yourself in my misery.

I wish you would come up with another excuse.

Let me see what happens.

Soldier: Hey prisoner. Find the toothbrush. Go to sleep quickly. I'm watching over you.

Bahman: Eyes. I found it.

I picked up the toothbrush. I didn't suspect anything. I went and lay down on my bed. I waited for an opportunity.

The soldier left after a few moments. Now I can do my job. No one is bothering me.

I reached Tarkashvand's bed. He was snoring softly. I thought to myself, "Enjoy your afterlife, Mr. Tarkashvand, fake."

I gently put my hand on his throat. I'll do the trick.

My hand reached his neck. Anush was sleeping lightly. He jumped. He realized. He shouted, "What are you doing, you bastard?"

Bahman: Nothing.

Anush shouted. His chest jumped. Help came. Don't let me strangle Tarkashvand.

Then Tarkashvand jumped up and said, "What's wrong?" What happened? Why did you stand on top of my bed?

Soldier: Didn't I tell you to sleep?

The soldier arrived at night.

Soldier: What are you doing?

He opened the door. He took my hand that Anush was holding. He said, "What the hell? You've ruined the entire prison."

Bahman: Nothing, God forbid.

Sadri: He's lying. He was choking Tarkashvand. Anush stopped him.

Sarbaz: Anush is telling the truth.

Anush: Yes. I grabbed his wrist. I didn't let him.

Tarkashvand: Why me?

Sarbaz: Let's clarify Bahman's assignment. Come on, Bahman.

He took my hand. He quickly took me to the prison psychologist, Dr. Amini.

Dr. Amini: So, Sarbaz. What did you bring tonight?

Sarbaz: Hello, doctor. A case of attempted murder. It needs to be confirmed. They should send me to a mental institution. I stopped him from killing a cellmate.

Dr. Amini: Okay. Send me to my room. Go to the others yourself. Don't make any mistakes.

Sarbaz: Okay.

His movements reminded me of Yalda's father. He was looking down on me.

Dr. Amini: So tell me what the story is, Mr. Bahman.

Bahman: It has nothing to do with you.

Dr. Amini: Look. It’s in your best interest not to get into a disagreement. I have other options.

Bahman: What option.

Dr. Amini: Like an electroshock chair. Or a mental hospital. But consider me a friend. Tell me what the story is. Your file says you have a history of mental illness.

You bastard. He found my weak point. If they send you to a mental hospital, my freedoms will be taken away. Yalda’s father’s people will take care of me.

I saw no choice. He analyzed my file. I told him everything.

Then he rolled up his left sleeve. He stood up. He didn’t say anything. He stared.

I asked what happened.

He didn’t say anything. He took a sheet of paper from the file. He went outside. I was left alone. I don’t know what surprised him. When he came back, two soldiers were with him. He said he spoke to the chief. Tonight, alone. Tomorrow two people from the center will come and take him away.

I didn't understand what he was saying. Just one night in solitary confinement.

The solitary confinement door opened. They sent him inside. They closed the door.

The room was dark. Two dead cockroaches on the floor. The left corner of the bed was a stone. It was hard.

The bottom sheet of the bed was dirty.

Oh. All this is making me sick.

Dr. Amini, I'm sick of you.

Yalda's father, I'm sick of you.

Life, I'm sick of you.

I shouted these things. I passed out. I fell to the floor.

It was morning. I rubbed my eyes. Dr. Amini with two nurses in white coats over my head. Take me to the asylum.

It was over. The death sentence had been revoked. Because of Yalda's father's case. They were sending me to the insane asylum. Take care of me. The same nightmare.

Two nurses took my hand. They lifted me up. Dr. Amini gave me the case. He told me the circumstances. I bit one of them's hand. I ran to the door. They came after me. They couldn't. Dr. Amini was looking at me in horror. The soldier pushed me. I fell to the ground. The nurse sat down. He gave me an injection. I passed out.

I only heard the usual voice. He said, "This is important. How did you see the world? If they took it out of your head. If I dried up. Pull me out." Leaving me to the wind. Understand me for my differences. Not similarities. I am a thought. A thought. Not your hero, not your voice, not thirsty for your tears. Come to my world. I am an apple that you did not bite. Man.

Although I burned, I made it. Of those shapes that make clouds in the blue sky of the city. I still want it. Call me whenever I come. Our appointment is right here in the depths of the disaster. In your brain.

What. What. Why do you look like this. Instead of thinking about who I am, listen to what I have to say. Have you ever asked what I am against?

No. Not asked. I considered you a friend.

I am against an idea. An idea. An idea that shapes life. Your view of the world. Gives you the right to impose it on me.

He repeated again. Not your hero, not your voice, not thirsty for your tears. Come to my world. An apple that you did not bite. Man.

You really didn't say who you are.

Not limited to time and space. Not resolved in the stupidity of the masses.

I will die happily one day. While every day I am born is in people's minds.

No. Don't leave me alone.