The Captive Lasso

I think you should have a positive outlook on life. Not like Sami does.
You know? Maybe Sami sees the world in a dark way because of his problems. I want to help him get rid of this negative outlook. But on the other hand, I understand what he's saying. Because things have really gotten tough. He lost his job and his family.
After his family died in an accident, he had to live with his grandparents. But they all died one after the other. On the other hand, his grandparents' other grandchildren want to take his grandfather's house from him.
I don't know. Sometimes I think maybe I've come into Sami's life by mistake. Maybe now is not the right time to have some quiet time with him.
Sometimes I say to myself: Maybe I'm superfluous in Sami's life. But when I remember what he said, I calm down. He always says, "I have no one but you. And I'm not as comfortable with anyone as you are."
Remembering these words reassures me that he loves me too. So I take back my words. I've had a hard life myself. A lot happened to me in the orphanage. So to some extent I can understand Sami's feelings.
I always remind myself that I'm a lucky person. Because there are people who have experienced worse things than me.

We were sitting in the cafe. Just when he was complaining about life, I secretly looked into his eyes. This secret look made me feel so good. I wanted to look into his eyes like that.
Sami has his own problems. And I can't force him to marry me. Especially in these bad circumstances.
In the cafe, I forgot to ask him. I was so absorbed in looking into his eyes that I forgot to ask what happened to his house.
Do you know?
True happiness is right here and right now.
A feeling of restlessness. A feeling of poverty and anxiety. A feeling of hopelessness that says, "It can't be done!"
But true happiness is right here. Not anywhere else. In this very moment and in this very place. The value of life is in being happy.
Even if we have thousands of things and are financially secure, we cannot repeat these good moments. True happiness is within us. We just have to find it and use it.
I think a person is never satisfied. No matter how high we go in life, we still feel the need. It's like we've stuck our finger in a swamp and are constantly being dragged down. But that doesn't mean we don't try to live a better life. If we don't try, we won't have anything. And the result of not having anything is destruction. Now Sami is also stuck in the swamp of life.

The more possessions we have, the more we have to work to maintain them. In this case, we will not achieve the peace that our soul desires. We are always busy and worried.
I think that if someone has nothing to lose, they will not worry about losing it. Sami's story is the same. If that house was not his, maybe he would not have experienced all this misery.
Forough Farrokhzad says:
"In the anxiety of full hands,
There is no peace of empty hands
The silence of ruins is beautiful"
I think it really is. True happiness is in the present moment. But we move away from it and look for the future. This art of living in the moment is something that not everyone achieves. But I feel that I have achieved it.
Life is like a tangled electrical circuit. Each part follows a parallel current that only goes forward.
Maybe life is like a train that we are stuck on. We can't get out of it, and we can't stop it. We just have to move with it. The only thing we can do is make the conditions on the train better. But sometimes even that's not possible.
I always say, "Either we change ourselves, or life will always be this ridiculous."
The funny thing is, we don't even know where this train is going. It just goes on and on. If you're lucky, it doesn't leave you behind. You have to keep going on this endless journey. The only thing we know for sure is that one day this train will stop.

Now that I'm walking with him, I feel better. I think he sees the world the same way I do.
As we walked hand in hand through the snow, I experienced one of the best feelings in the world. A feeling that can't be described.

The snow got heavier.
A bus passed us and stopped at a red light. A child was crying in it. It seemed to be upset about something. Maybe she had made a mess. The brim of her winter hat was so dirty that it was covered in bullets.
Maybe she was complaining about this life she had been forced into! Who knows?
A little girl kept looking at me. It seemed to be asking me for something with her eyes. But she couldn't speak and swallowed what she said. The result of these swallowings was a strange moan.
The windows of the bus were steaming up. The driver could barely see in front of him.
The little girl stopped looking at me and approached the bus window. She started drawing something on the glass.
At first she drew a few incomprehensible lines. But then she started drawing a lonely figure with a cane in his hand.
From the figure's eyes I could tell that he was the kind "Long Lame Daddy."
Oh! Remember him. The stories of "Judy Abbott." Our dream in the orphanage was to find a long, limping daddy and follow us.
Childhood thoughts are the beginning of our pleasures.
It is a sentence that helps me to become strong again whenever I feel discouraged. Because only by behaving like a child can we overcome certain situations. That way, negative energies affect us less.
But who would have thought that the stepfather who took me from the orphanage to his home would rape me as a child? I have to convince myself that this is not the end of life. This could happen to anyone. But I will never forget those bitter moments.
When the inspectors from the orphanage came to check on my situation, he made me say that everything was fine. I tried to ask the social worker for help many times, but he threatened me.

Oh my! What irrelevant things do I think about in this romantic situation.
It's truly wonderful to walk with Sami and live in these moments.

But what happened?
Why did all these moments disappear?
Where is Sami?
Where am I?
Why am I in pain?
Why is everything black?
I can't even see Sami anymore.
All I can feel are strange voices in my head. Someone was saying, "Does he have a pulse?"
There was also a strange buzzing sound in my ears. It sounded like an ambulance.
It seemed like the ambulance was on its way to the hospital when my eyes closed and I couldn't understand anything anymore.
When I opened my eyes, I was on a white hospital bed. There were several medical machines around me. One of them was making a "beep beep" sound.
A doctor and two nurses were standing above me. They were constantly giving me injections and checking my vital signs. I felt like I was paralyzed. Only my eyes and ears were working.
I wasn't moving. I was just lying on the bed. My eyes fell on the clock on the wall. It showed three o'clock.
From what the doctor and nurses were saying, I realized that I had been in a semi-coma for a while.
The difference between me and the others is that I don't remember anything. I don't even know why I'm here. I only remember my name.
The nurses were whispering about me behind the door. They were saying:

"Yes, that's the girl who was sleeping there. The doctor said she had a brain hemorrhage."

"Who did you say?"

"Samiar. A boy who comes to the hospital every day to ask about Lalmand."

"Maybe he hit her with a car!"

"No, he didn't. Probably his fiancée."

"What do I know."

So I had an accident! If I had an accident, who is Samiar?

I don't know anyone like that!

Everything was vague to me. I was impatiently waiting for Samiar to come see me. I wanted to see what he looked like.

Finally, I regained full consciousness and was transferred to the regular ward. I could have visitors again.
I couldn’t wait. I wanted to see Samyar as soon as possible.
Does he really want to see me?
Does he really love me?
Who is he?
Have I seen him before?
There were so many unanswered questions in my mind.

It was three o’clock. The appointment was over and Samyar hadn’t come. Maybe he didn’t really love me.
I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep. The effects of the drugs put me into a deep sleep.
When I woke up in the morning, I felt better. They were about to discharge me from the hospital. At that moment, something incredible happened.
Samyar came to the hospital to see me. But I didn’t really remember him. When I saw him, it was as if I had seen a stranger.

Lamand: "Nurse, if possible, you can settle my account so that I can be discharged."
Nurse: "Yes, definitely. What is your name?"
Lamand: "Lamand Yazdani."
Nurse: "Did you say Yazdani?"
Lamand: "Yes, Yazdani."
Nurse: "Ma'am, your account has already been settled."
Lamand: "Is it possible? How?"
Nurse: "Yes, a few minutes ago a gentleman named Samyar paid your entire account."
Lamand: "Okay, thank you."

Oh my! Who is this Samyar again? Maybe he wants to show himself as a good person.

My legs gradually became weak. I had to sit on a chair in the hospital.
Right next to me was a gentleman who was restless.
I asked him: "Sir, can I help?"
Samyar: "No, ma'am. — Lamand, is that you?! Have you been discharged? How happy I am."
The happiness in his eyes was truly indescribable. It was as if he had been given the whole world.
Lamand: "But..."
Samiar: "But he doesn't."
Lamand: "But I don't know you at all, sir!"
Samir: "Lamand, I'm Samir."
Lamand: "I don't remember you. I just wanted to thank you and ask why you're so persistent in my work?"
Samir: "Lamand, we love each other. Maybe we did before. It seems like you don't remember me well."
Lamand: "No, to be honest, I don't remember. Anyway, thank you very much for helping me."
Samir: "Please."
He just said that and didn't say anything else and left.
I also went home to rest and feel better.