A week of excitement following a month of red. 

Every day was a memory for me to remember. The day doesnt seem to end before i start having to register it and replay it in my mind in order to move towards a tomorrow.

A month outside my country/ my continent/ my home, brought with it all forms of emotions. None more dosapoointing than the false reality i created in my head. 

I didnt buy the dip. The salvation i was seeking was for a life i lived in a world that rejected people like me. A world where my efforts were for their own sake and for the sake of me believing in my own false success. 

A breath of fresh air is when i saw green, then my dream came to life filled me with excitement and rushed me towards it with all i had. Where did i see my value added? 

An obsesaion created by standards that never showed themselves until i revisited them. Slowly but surely they ate away at me leading me astray anh time i saw an opportunity worth grasping. 

I didnt buy the dip. 

With the colors shining i pushed with everhthing i had  not relinquisjing my faith snd fully recognising how heavy my responsibilities will become. A future where i coukd find happiness was infront of me and every hour of the day was for me to learn more and more abiut a world that would welcome anyome as long as they are willing to believe.

I didnt buy the dip.

But i still believe in this world. I believe in the feelings that first got me into it when the colors were still red. I believed in the people who wanted it and how they were going on abiut it. I believed in every single poece that is mossing for it to be found. Now i am being tested as the world i live in is always being tested and in turn testing the world i look forward to. 

The colors are still red. Amd my favourite color that gives me time and oportunity. It is a color that shows the weaknesses of every setup and every attempt we have to make. A color that reminds everyone equally of how we will be operating in a future we are excited for and that it comes woth a price we have to be willing to pay for. 

 I bought the top. 

But the price of me entering this world to me was still a fair price. My sadness comes from my inability to move in the direction of it as much as i would like. My sadness comes from years of not having this feeling and neglecting the energy and structure needed to take charge of this feeling when an oportunity comes my way. 

I bought the top at a price still below future value. I bought the top and i am happy i found a place. I bought the top and i am disappointed that even after a whole month i wasnt able to buy the dip. Even when i believe it will probably last for a while And i am happy it will. 

Its a chabce for me to realise how much more i need to prepare for. Towards a future i want to be included in regardless on how weak i am now. 

Red is still my favourite color even though it makes me sad and miss the green.