When I was younger, I had many religious and mystical wishes. I was strongly religious and my thoughts were after achieving salvation out of reach.
Praying and fasting were among the most basic religious practices for me, and I always believed in going far and breaking the wall of normalcy.
I used to fast and pray constantly during Ramadan for 30 days and I was thirsty for redemption, which I had no idea what it is or how I can find it!
(For those who do not know what fasting is, in Islam, Muslims fast one month during Ramadan, usually in April to May. This means that before sunrise to after sunset, they do not consume any drinks or food. And they break their fast after pray and sunset. It is actually for them to understand the poor and do charity more but around us, I see that rarely! I have never seen that to work! It is just hunger for no reason!)
Fasting was, in fact, one of the few religious practices that I really enjoyed, and doing it was beyond faith and compulsion for me. When I fasted, my mind was free. Anyway, I remember one month I decided to climb Mount Khider every day, before sunset, while I was fasting.
Khezr Mountain or (Khezr hill), is in fact, the rooftop of Qom, which is the most religious city in Iran and my hometown. If you compare Iran with Italy, Qom is actually the Vatican of Iran.
Excuse me, I do not want to get too far away from the story. The locals believe that about 3,000 years ago, there was a cave on the top of Khezr Mountain, which was probably the place of worship of Khidr, a righteous man.
If you search Wikipedia for Khidr you will find the following phrase:
A righteous servant of God possessing great wisdom or mystic knowledge. In various Islamic and non-Islamic traditions, Khidr is described as a messenger, prophet, wali, slave, or angel, who guards the sea, teaches secret knowledge.
Anyway, I believed that Khidr was traveling to this hill, and I thought that if I walked this route for 30 days, thirsty and hungry, I would surely achieve a blessing. I remember my father would drove me to the foot of the mountain near sunset. And he could not come up with me because of leg pain, although he liked it very much.
Me, on the other hand, wearing a long dark veil (called Chador) like every other woman in town, would walk up the path that wound around the mountain and reached the summit. I would stand up there and meditate. Sometimes I would go to the mosque and sit in the solitary cave of Khidr. But I would return shortly after, hoping that these efforts would pay off.
It is interesting that even back then, my salvation routes were chosen toward climbing, hiking, and nature …
Until one night in the dream world, Khidr or someone came to me in a dream.
In my dream world, I was climbing a very pristine magnificent mountainous road. It was like a cool, lush, moist, and beautiful paradise.
I could feel the dew on the surface of the meadow. And the ledge of the stepped road was mossy and lush, wet with moisture. A lovely and exceptional feeling of peace was upon me.
I was there climbing the green path which got muddy and gradually became impassable as I was reaching to the top. Although I knew I couldn’t go up to the end, I did not give up. And I kept going up. The higher I went, the harder it got. And I suddenly became incapacitated and could not bear the steep slope and fell down the edge of the path.
While I was hanging from the edge of the stairs with both hands, suddenly an old man came up to me and took my hand and lifted me. He had a kind and loving face.
I felt calm and safe with him. He picked me up from there and we went to the sky and we flew at once and returned home ... I know it seems ridiculous! But what do you expect! It was a dream after all!
I do not remember many things from that strange dream except one piece of advice that the mysterious old man gave me. When we got home, it was as if I asked him how I should live and he told me: “Whatever you do, fight less! These fights are a waste of life!”
That midnight dream ended. And I now live in the paradise that I dreamed of years ago. It was like yesterday and now, I go up that green pristine, lush path every once in a while. And I feel the dew on the surface of meadow now and then.
I’m not certain who was in my dream. Maybe my wise subconscious mind trying to lead me toward the right path or the Khidr himself, taking time from his busy schedule and come to fly with me, I have no idea! What I know is that I already reached Paradise land, Maybe if I fight less ... I would reach the top of that path as well someday.
