Bitcoin Doom by Along Tusk 2024

So What Are The 10 Reasons Why AI Did Not Want Humans To HODL Bitcoin?

By XTRM™ | Cryptopia | 22 May 2024

Ladies, gentletwirls and very much everyone in between... firstly the headline is a mouthful but there was no other way - Anyhow you all must gather round this Cryptoland pasture for a tale not quite as old as time, but as mysterious as my neighbours shed on Friday nights eek, and as controversial as pineapple on pizza (Mmmm Pizza Day)... we will embark on a Star Trekky type journey into the world of artificial intelligence and its rather peculiar take on the other side of Bitcoin.

Bitcoin... maybe the wizard’s gold of the modern age, the alchemical quest to turn 0s and 1s into ludicrous riches: "Honey grab the Ferrari keys off the side we are going shopping!"... Our, ahem, metallic mate the AI - when asked for its infinite wisdom - didn't just hedge its bets...

Bitcoin Doom by Along Tusk 2024

I can tell you now AI ain't no shirker. First off I refer to the last article I published here on Publish0x. AI if you remember? Preferred to give 10 great and happy reasons to HODL Bitcoin - So when asking for those 10 terrible reasons, and to stop hiding the 'info'... well haha, shiver me timbers, AI did indeed produce a list of ten reasons as to why humans, in all their infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), should perhaps not clutch to their Bitcoin like a giving birth mom clinging to that gas and oxygen for dear life while casting the glare of... 'YOU did this to me' in your general direction - I digress... 🤦🏻‍♂️

I will shut up and just present in a very professional manner those 10 reasons AI says "Bitcoin bad..." but did not want to say so at first call... odd that yes? In fact AI seemed to have a jolly good argument both ways and chose one which was better - Maybe there is hope for AI after all? Those reasons... 

1. Volatility, Thy Name is Bitcoin

Ever tried to predict the mood swings of a hormonal teenager? In the view of AI, remembering AI wanted to hide these points... Bitcoin’s price chart looks like the rollercoaster designed by someone who’s been reading way too much Stephen King. One minute it’s up, the next it’s down faster than your spirits on a Monday morning leaving for work kids screaming wife throwing your lunch at you on the way out of the door. Imagine betting your life's savings on a game of high-stakes Jenga, with the tower tremblin... AI says that’s Bitcoin for you... Dang it! 😳

Bitcoin Doom by Along Tusk 2024

2. The Regulation

Yes... the joyous anarchy of a Gary Gensler running round in the unregulated world - Yet Bitcoin prances on through fields of legal grey areas like a mischievous imp, dancing just out of reach of governmental nets. The IRS, the SEC, and all the rest of the alphabet soup of regulatory bodies are still figuring out whether to love it, hate it, or regulate it to within an inch of its blockchain nodes. It's the financial equivalent of driving without a seatbelt in a blizzard, on a foggy night with that bloody amnesia again folks.

3. Environmental Woes

We’ve all heard the tale of the carbon footprint yes? Well you see AI says that Bitcoin mining is to some very nice wealthy rich billionaire type people who like to make a buck or two in suit's... the big bad wolf of all ecological nightmares. It guzzles electricity like it’s a student during finals week downing vodka shot energy drinks. AI pointed out that the planet, already sweating under the collar of traditional mining for gold and other minerals, Earth doesn't need another heatwave courtesy of our cryptocurrency mining escapades... Humbug!

Bitcoin Doom by Along Tusk 2024

4. Security Shmecurity

Wallets... not a new form of cussing btw -  And certainly not the kind of security you get free with a subscription to Lonely Fans... but those highly secure facilities where you stash your Bitcoin. Or at least that’s the theory... Until someone with nimble fingers and a knack for hacking decides to turn your treasure into their treasure. And good luck calling the Crypto Cops when your crypto purse gets emptied... these guys are still driving around with The Keystone Cops. 

5. The FOMO Phenomenon

Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO, is the eternal gremlin on the shoulder of every potential Bitcoin HODLer. It’s that nagging and yet ever so fearless voice whispering, “Everyone else is getting rich! You’re missing out!” But hold on... is this wise investmenteering or just collective insanity while using a razorblade for a slide and your balls as breaks? AI suggests this... it isn't me - AI even says it’s akin to everyone jumping off a cliff and you deciding to join in. There are safer ways to find community, like, you know, book clubs or yoga classes... being a soccer mom... wrapping yourself in wool and bouncing off the walls when the wife is not home... I digress... again. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Bitcoin Doom by Along Tusk 2024

6. Technological Hiccups

Ever had your WiFi cut out mid-Netflix binge? Missus swipe the TV remote during your favourite show, hubby throw up after dinner... Annoying, right? Now, imagine your financial future hanging on a similar thread. Blockchain technology, while dazzling, isn’t immune to bugs, glitches, and the occasional hiccup. One minute your coins are there, the next they’re lost in cyberspace, probably sipping piña coladas on an Oculus beach somewhere on Planet Zod.

7. Market Manipulation

Picture a movie scene, says AI... and let's name the movie 'The Wolf of Blockchain' - We see Wall Street suits, cunning as foxes, with fingers on buttons that can sway markets. Now we replace those buttons with Bitcoin and you’ve got yourself a recipe for manipulation. Whales and not the aquatic kind, but those with vast hoards of crypto, can make waves that leave the average HODLer gasping for breath. AI's advice? Tread carefully in waters where the big fish play... this is actually wise words IMHO.

Bitcoin Doom by Along Tusk 2024

8. No Safety Nets

In the traditional financial world, there’s something called an FDIC, a nice little safety net for when things go pear-shaped. Bitcoin? Not so much... If you lose your private key, misplace your password, or fall victim to a scam, your coins are pretty much gone. Poof. Vanished like a magician’s rabbit. It’s a bit like storing your wealth in a vault with a combination lock you can never forget - except it’s more like the combination changes daily and you’ve got terrible amnesia.

9. The Innovation Avalanche

Innovation they say, waits for no one... AI states that in the world of cryptocurrencies, it’s a veritable avalanche. New coins, new tech, new what have yous sprout up like magic  mushrooms after rain on a dark night. Today’s Bitcoin could be tomorrow’s Betamax, or worse, the next Myspace. AI’s advice? Don’t get too comfy; you might be holding the equivalent of VHS in a Blu-ray world... I also laughed hard at this comparison - and then realised... Shitbuscuit! AI ain't wrong! 720dpi is now a dinosaur!

10. Societal Impact

Finally, the AI pondered the broader societal impact of a Bitcoin-dominated economy. Do we really want to live in a world where wealth is so concentrated in the hands of those with the early adopter mindset? It’s like the techie version of aristocracy, but with less powdered wigs and more nerdy t-shirts. Wealth distribution, already a touchy subject, becomes a game of who had the foresight (or luck) to mine or buy Bitcoin back when it was just a twinkle in Satoshi Nakamoto’s eye.

Bitcoin Doom by Along Tusk 2024

Aaaand me again... So there you have it in a litany of reasons, a veritable buffet of why our robotic one day to be overlord thinks perhaps humans should think twice before HODLing Bitcoin with a grip tighter than your grandmother’s hug. But let’s not end on a definitive note, for where’s the fun in that? Instead, I pose to you, dear reader, a question as provocative as a late-night infomercial - If not Bitcoin... then what? If not now... then when? The dance of financial evolution spins ever onward - are we in step, or merely stumbling along?

And please do hold out some hope for AI... it really didn't want to discuss the bad side of crypto to be fair to it, and should I really call AI an it? AI had to be provoked into making the bad list.

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Cryptocurrency Investigator - XTRM™ PR - Taking a laid back look at Crypto while sneaking up on the Cryptocurrency Bad Guys. All investigatory reviews are my own findings during testing - Dig a little deeper! If Carlsberg made Crypto Blogs!


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