I had seen him a few times but i never really cared. Perhaps because my mind was still clouded by the thought of someone else. 

When I finally noticed him, it wasn't because he was handsome or hot. He is… all of those things but what I noticed first was how kind-hearted he was and how serviceable. I remember how I watched him help out and I had a tiny smile on my face that had snuck up there. 

Later on, we had a little conversation and i liked his voice. Everything about him just seemed to calm me in the moments when my mind was jumbled up. 

In time, my eyes began to seek him out in the crowd and I would watch him and my heart would race especially when he flashes that boyish smile my eat.  

I would think lustful thoughts, hoe u want to feel his lips on mine, are theycsoft or hard? I'd he a good kisser? How arousing would making out with him be for me? 

I would think about how badly I want to be pressed against his big while he has his way with me. All the dirty things i want to say and do to him cloud my mind and i start feeling all hot and bothered. I become restless. I have to leave where he is before I strip myself of pride and beg him to make me his slut. 

I thought this was a little crush, a little infatuation that would pass away over time just like the ones before. After all, men lose their flavor quite quickly in my eyes, once I’ve unraveled what made them stand out to me. But not him, no! There were times i thought i was over him but I'd see him again and my heart would start racing and i start watching him as subtly as I could, so I don't look too thirsty.

It’s like I’ve been put under a spell. I hate seeing him in certain situations and I want to hurry to make him feel better. I want to see him smile. I love seeing him smile, it makes me feel warm inside and comfortable. Being around him makes me feel comfortable and i told him that and he understood that and i felt relieved.  

Times I hurt myself and he’s the face i saw first at my aid, temporarily the pain fades away. Do i have his attention? If i do, I love it. I love having the attention it the man who’s currently holding the spot in my heart. 

When he touches me when he stares at me… the hairs in my skin stand, my lips curl upward, and I feel alive. When he smiles at me, when he compliments me and stares me up and down like he’s ready to have me for dinner, my neural activity falters. 

Then I’m thinking, what’s this boy doing to me? Is this intentional? Does he like me? Should I flirt? Should I not? Does he think about me as I think about him? He probably doesn't… I’m the one crushing. But, why dies he act that way around me? His actions seem flirty... or am I reading the wrong signals? Perhaps I am, perhaps I’m not. Why is he torturing me? 

Doesn't matter because, he’s at the center of my attention at the moment and there’s nothing much I can do about it. 

Nowadays, it's getting harder and harder to keep cool. I have to not look at him si i don't get too happy down there in public, so I don't get lost staring at him and people would notice, so I don't come off as a creep. When he speaks to me, I have to keep my focus on the words I’m hearing not the sight of him. 

He’s taking up space in my dreams. I’m waking up thinking about him. I’m obsessing and that's quite wild because I know the step that comes next for me. I felt this once before. 

I could be so bold and approach him but something pushes me back, fear of rejection perhaps or fear that he’s taken. What would i do then with all these feelings? 

I want to get to know him better. I want to buy him the first things i can think of closest to his heart. I want to crack silly Jones with him and flirt like a cougar. I want to watch him smile and hear him laugh. I want it hold his hands when things get tough. I want to be wrapped up in his arms, my dramatic self, babbling about all the things pudding me off. I want to hear him comfort me as he did some days back. I want to feel that soothing relief again. I want to live hik, make love to him, and be loved back. 

I want him to teach me to be fearless. I want him to love me like I'm the only one for him. 

I want him so damn bad, my body’s shaking just thinking about it. I've tried to think about what it is that makes me like him so much… it's everything for me. I love his soul, his energy, his zeal, his appearance, his poise, everything. Makes it so damn hard to look away and walk away. 

What's a girl gonna do?