Tales From My First Psychedelic Experiences

Photo by Pretty Drugthings on Unsplash

In the summer of 2020, during a time that was a trip in itself, I decided to embark on an exploratory program of experimentation with Psilocybin Cubensis: Magic Mushrooms. My motivation for studying the effects was more than recreational — I sought to explore potential treatments for mental illnesses, especially depression and schizophrenia. As I am neither a scientist nor a qualified psychiatric practitioner, it would only be fair that my experimentation should be confined to myself as a subject.

Throughout four sessions, I started with a dose of 1.5 grams (considered a “threshold” dose) and incrementally increased the amount to 5 grams (Terence McKenna called this a “heroic dose”). Having read about the “heroic dose,” I set out to reach that level as if it were some egoistic accomplishment. In so doing, I came to learn just how erroneous that line of thinking was.

First of all, setting out with any expectations from these kinds of experiences is potentially a recipe for failure, or in other words, a bad trip. Secondly, treating interactions with the mushrooms as if they are a mountain to climb for any reason will be revealed as a vainglorious lack of respect for their very nature. The experience will humble you to realize that you must approach these substances with respect and with adequate preparatory precautions in place. To act toward mushrooms like they are a substance to be conquered, rather than respectfully consulted, will result in a psychological spanking that will leave you feeling humbled, young, and foolish, yet somehow also very grateful for the lesson.

Artwork by the Author, Words by Terence McKenna. Photo Courtesy of Unsplash.

“I am old, older than thought in your species, which is itself fifty times older than your history. Though I have been on earth for ages I am from the stars. My home is no one planet, for many worlds scattered through the shining disc of the galaxy have conditions which allow my spores an opportunity for life. The mushroom which you see is the part of my body given to sex thrills and sun bathing, my true body is a fine network of fibres growing through the soil. These networks may cover acres and may have far more connections than the number in a human brain. My mycelial network is nearly immortal — only the sudden toxification of a planet or the explosion of its parent star can wipe me out. By means impossible to explain because of certain misconceptions in your model of reality all my mycelial networks in the galaxy are in hyper light communication across space and time.” — Terence McKenna, foreword to Psilocybin by O.T. Oss & O.N. Oeric

The First Time

I ate about 1.5 grams, then went riding. Yes, that was a terrible idea. It was sweltering outside, too hot to garden. I went riding to retrace my father's footsteps, which seemed like a nice thought at the time. (Never attempt operating a vehicle while on psychedelics, let me make that point abundantly clear) So I rode to the town where my father used to live before he died. We never met, so his life has always been an enigma for me, so that’s why I thought to take that ride at the time. If his gravesite was known to me, the whole day might have been even weirder, or maybe not. The route I took to get there was beautiful, shady, and winding — an idyllic memory anchor if I have ever seen one.

The effects came on slowly and gradually, making for a gloriously hilarious time trying to navigate from memory where I had planned to go. I passed by another rider who gave me a nod with eye contact that, I swear to God, told me that he was on a similar voyage as myself. It was time to head home.

Of course, I got a little lost, but that’s part of the fun. I got myself home safely just as things were starting to pick up, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon bugging out on the couch. The air conditioning felt terrific, and I could not seem to drink enough water, and I became pretty acutely aware that my body was reacting as if metabolizing a poison. The best analogy I can offer is the feeling of being very intoxicated from alcohol, the physical aspects but not the mental cloudiness. Things seemed glimmery and weirdly magical with my eyes opened, but when I closed them, the synaptic light show began. I’m not sure at this point if it was real or merely exaggerated. Still, the excessive water intake made me have the strangest bowel movement that felt like passing a baseball—the things you do to satisfy your curiosity.

Being inside while reacting to the mushrooms felt oppressive like the air was heavy despite the coolness, and I just wanted badly to be outside and see the sky above me. While there, I could see the leaves on the trees moving and coming alive individually, and the wind seemed to speak as it rustled through them. Listening to music seemed to come alive wonderfully, but the feeling of interaction with my phone seemed painfully foreign, distant, and unpleasant.

I would make one recommendation because cannabis edibles are good conditioning for the experience's time frame; smoking it, not as much. It’s an excellent way to learn to understand your metabolic processes and know how long it takes you to digest something. Expecting to have a feeling last for an hour or two but then having it drag on for six to seven can be just that: a drag.

As the experience began to subside, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of oneness — a euphoric realization and of the connection to all things — the entire universe, God, and everything else. This truism was something I took on faith before, but now I knew it profoundly and felt it in my soul.

The experience is like a magic mirror of your fears, preferences, and predilections. What I experienced was pretty typical from what I had read before and since, and I recognize that my account is by no means unique in its composition. But the magnitude of the experience, the sheer intensity of it all, was something that no written or spoken words could ever really convey.

Poem by the Author, Photo Courtesy of Unsplash

The Heroic Dose

They told me not to do it again.

Simply because it isn’t necessary, more does not mean better—heroic dose Lesson #1. There is no benefit from egoistic greed where psychedelics are concerned. Not to mention that it does increase the risk of actual poisoning, and that’s exactly how it felt.

The ego will die. “You” will die, at least what you think of as being yourself, may figuratively die in front of your eyes. Or possibly through your eyes. Once you have seen and felt your body melt away and decompose and experience it happening, the cares of your life seem pretty insignificant afterward.

I had believed at the time that my spiritual and meditative practices would have prepared me for what I saw and experienced — and the two were related, just not as I would have expected. The mushrooms have enhanced my imaginative and visualization faculties since, to be sure. However, during the trip, the best way I can describe the experience is the sheer existential terror as described in scriptures when someone comes face-to-face with an angel. Being shaken to their core so that they close their eyes, curl up in a ball from utter confusion, and hope not to die from the intensity of the light and power before them.

The comedown was like being in hell for 500 years and then being plopped back into your life like nothing had happened; the sweet smell, taste, and feel of everything in this life, as if for the first time. Nothing mattered, yet everything mattered. It was beautiful, wondrous, and gracious to Be. Life’s challenges suddenly seemed like a fun game full of obstacles to be navigated; pain seemed like a distant movie in memory, not absent, there: but not real enough to cause any worry.

The Takeaway

1. We are all connected, on a higher plane, everything is. It sounds clichéd, but you can see and feel it to be true.
2. Things you perceive as being extremely serious or stressful don’t matter nearly as much as we think.
3. While it’s all seemingly an illusion, it’s all comfortingly real.

I used to suspect that it was all just a Matrix-style façade that would melt away under the effects of psychedelics. Still, somehow it was comforting to see the underlying mechanisms behind the everyday systems we take for granted, but it is not just some shared delusion.

My experiences are by no means extensive, and frankly, there were many mistakes and shortcuts that, in hindsight, I really should have thought more about before embarking. Overall, the experience has changed my thinking for the better, and I believe, permanently. If anything, besides being entertaining, I should hope that this account will serve as an educational and cautionary takeaway for you, dear reader. Knowing the extent and intensity of the experiences found while merging your consciousness with psilocybin, I strongly advise anyone contemplating trying them to truly and honestly assess your readiness and ensure that you safely meet all the necessary criteria. DON’T RUSH IT. Doing so kind of misses the entire point altogether.

As a caveat, whatever baggage you bring with you will be your downfall on the trip — a clear mind and conscience are critical. I didn’t follow some standard advice to my chagrin. Still, I will work diligently to overcome the troubles made very clear to me during my experiences before embarking on any further.

As a conclusion to my “mushrooms-as-therapy,” — I would say much more research is needed, as it’s a far more complicated experience than cannabis, especially concerning “recreational” use. The dosage is a critical factor between practical, commonly beneficial use and potentially life-altering experiences. Microdosing seems like an ideal place to start and a much more realistic approach to this mystical substance.

As the legalization of Cannabis has shown that the decriminalization of previously scheduled substances presents potentially huge opportunities from an investment standpoint. When the efficacy use case is proven, not if — the therapeutic possibilities will be as substantial as, if not more so than cannabis in the treatment of psychological disorders.
The experiences I have had with psilocybin have increased my curiosity about LSD, Peyote, Mescaline, Ayahuasca, DMT — for the same motivational reasons. I have also learned a great deal of respect for what lies beyond the psychedelic doorway and will approach them with a humbler, awed sense of caution.

I highly recommend visiting this site for some useful guidelines to consider before trying any psychedelics. They’re poisonous mushrooms, so be careful and know what you’re getting into before doing anything otherworldly. https://tripsafe.org/how-to-take-shrooms/.

To read more work by this author, please visit stephenreza.medium.com.

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