Letter To My Son Part 3

That day when all of a sudden I was asked if you could stay a week... Yes of course great until I heard why.

She and Romet were going to look for a house near the coast, and near a school that would be a bit more of a challenge for you. Because you were almost done with this school and well let´s be honest you found it boring.

Which I can imagine because I had the same problem, and with me it caused me to go and do stuff that was ....not so smart to put it mildly. So part of me really hoped by you going to a school that would challenge you, you would not go down the path your old man did.

They found something, and after that summer you moved to Murcia. It was a 3.5 hours bus drive away and as I had no driver's license public transport was the only way.

We agreed that it did not make sense to spend over 8 hours in a weekend to spend one day together, so now we were depending on holidays. I must say I was worried at first, but I noticed that even though we sometimes did not see each other for months, as soon as we got together it was like you had never left.

I really feel that we have a very special connection, one I never had with my dad. One of openness and honesty.... a band like brothers. Maybe you needed me to be more of a dad and less of a friend, maybe I never had the right example. But this is what it is, and it´s probably like this for a good reason.

I am trying to be open and honest with you in this letter. Open up about my struggles. The good thing is that the pain was never caused by you. I am a very lucky dad to have such a kindhearted son.

When you moved in with your mom and Romet I was worried, I had no clue what the picture was they painted about me. I had no control and no way of knowing how they spoke about me.

That´s why I think it´s best to tell you my side of the story using this letter. Because it was something that I found really scary.

As you know my mom & dad are also divorced and I, as the oldest son, was stuck in the middle of some rotten remarks growing up. Nothing to cry about, but I did not want you to be in that same situation.

That is why I never mentioned your mom, or brought up the troubles she and I had in the past. My focus was on you, and our time together and I could only hope that Karma would return that favor.

I think Karma did, or at least you did. I never felt any resentment or negativity from you to me. We were able to arrange most things without even involving your mom and I think you preferred it like that.

It did mean that you were responsible for organizing, or at least contacting me, for our weekends and weeks together. Something you did very well.

As a dad I had no complaints at all, and in return I always tried to go the extra mile for you and even for your mom.

When your mom left I let her keep the car, this was not something we agreed on in court. It was something I thought was fair as you were living in that little village of Caparacena on top of a mountain and I wanted you to be able to keep going to school.

It´s not all about the money

The money I had lent from my father for that car, and I kept paying for a car I would never use again.

Now that is a bit the common thread since the divorce. When your mom and I received a huge ass fine from the tax office, a couple of years after the divorce I paid it. Because I did not want you to be impacted.

Same with the alimony I told my lawyer that I did not mind paying a bit more than I had to and so I did. And I also paid for your private health insurance.

All money things that I legally did not have to do, but I paid for them anyway.
It´s not important, it´s only money, but I do want you to know that even if I was not there I tried to do the best for you and make your life as comfortable as possible.

That is what life is about if you ask me, a certain level of happiness. It does not matter what makes you happy as long as it does not involve hurting other people that did not ask to get hurt.

And if a school in Murcia would make you happy, then I am happy for you. That is why I did not stop you from leaving Andalusia, it´s not up to me.

And that has always been my main driver since the divorce. You could come over whenever you liked, we did not need a judge for that.

I think it worked out better than with me and my dad because I did not want to go to my dads' house when I was 15 years old. It was boring and my dad had no clue how to make it fun.

Hopefully, you enjoyed those times with your dad in Granada as much as I did. Well except for the karting experience, I know I enjoyed that more than you did,

But we both enjoyed the water rides in the aqua park,

And shooting up little kids laser gaming;

Well, we enjoyed that fair a lot, although there are some rides you just get too old for (not you but me).

But we did find one thing we both really enjoyed doing, playing with our balls.

We really made some great memories, although it was a very different way of watching you grow up. It does not feel like it mattered for our relationship.

I tried to be your dad and your mate, keep you safe and give you the best opportunities. If that meant moving to Murcia and not seeing you that often, then be it.

Because I know the other side of the coin, my own high school years. Years where I was bored and did a lot of stupid stuff. Stuff that made me who I am today, but also stuff that might have cost me many years to undo.

So the fact that you did not grow up in between the Granada delinquents might have given you a better start for university than I gave myself.

Guess I was also lucky that you had to leave your friends behind in Caparacena. That meant that you loved coming over on your birthday and celebrating with your magical mates.

They always came without their parents, I always was the only dad there.... Was that because you liked to have me there, or was it because you didn´t want to tell me that I was obsolete?

Whatever it was I always was happy to join you, sit there and see you enjoy time with your friends. And after a while, I would go for a beer and a tapa to make sure I was not too much.

It were those afternoons, the talks we had on our way to the War Lotus when I felt that nothing really had changed. That we were just as close as when we still were living in the same house.

And then a little miracle happened.

A X-Mas miracle. In all those years that you lived with your we never celebrated Christmas. Not that I am its biggest fan, but to have you here to share some gifts and celebrate New Year once would be fun.

And you & me cooking again was one of those moments I will not forget.

You ended up spending three weeks over here as your mom was in the USA to meet her new boyfriend for the first time.

That meant you spent some time with me, some time with your grandma, and some time you had to do it all by yourself at 16. You did well, I don´t think I would have done as well as you did.

Of course, you skipped more classes than you should have and it probably caused you to fail that year in school. But you proved how grown up you were that you could handle yourself in a non-supervised situation.

It is a huge lesson and an achievement that probably gives you a sense that you can take care of yourself whatever happens. That is a precious lesson if you ask me, and you learned that pretty early on.

Slowly we are coming to the end of this never-ending story your dad is sharing with you;

We are all different in this world and at the same time we are all the same. What makes us different is the fact that we all value different things, have different goals, different ways of seeing things, and different things we want to accomplish.

We are all different

I probably did not do what my parents would have liked me to do. And you, you probably will not do what my parents would have liked you to do.

I myself have not made any plans for you. Yes, I hoped you are going to study at Granada University, not for the study but to have a chance to go out with you every now and then.

I did not make any plans for you, that saves a lot of shattered illusions and allows me to support you in whatever you want to achieve.

It's normal that I want what is best for you, and there are certain things I will not support, but overall I want you to follow your heart. Find your place in the world, and do what makes you happy, whatever and wherever that may be.

Because that is what we all have in common, we need to find our way in the world. Without having to follow in someone else's footsteps.

I will try and be there in any way you need me, as a friend, as a father, as a soundboard. as a (not so) wise old man. And I feel very much at ease with that. I have seen you grow up a well-balanced boy, that overthinks things before actioning them.

That is one lesson I learned much later btw. It took me years to understand and see the consequences of my actions.

That next summer your mom left for the USA again, and you stayed with your Opa Lou for many weeks and then you came to stay with me for some time.

Little did I know that things were going to change.

Another wise lesson, never expect things to remain as is. Life has one common factor and that is that is ever-changing.

Enjoy the now, plan for the future, and remember that whatever you plan life will mess it up.

We had a sweaty good time that summer till you asked me the big question and messed up all my plans😇

It was the summer of 2022, your mom left for the USA again and you and I walked down the street on our way to go bowling; "Dad, would you mind if I move to the USA?"

Kadeng!!!
Did somebody just hit me with a hammer or what?

In all honesty, I did not see this coming, in my mind, you were still going to Uni in Granada. On the other hand, I knew you would be traveling the world at an early age, so it was not a total surprise.

I always planned to support you in going to University, be it in Granadad or Murcia. But the States? Dude, I don´t have the cash for that.

So that was the first thing I said, "I am fine if you want to go there, but I can´t pay for University."

Maybe not the best answer in the world, but that was what came to mind. Then we started talking about studying vs working and your take on that subject was that you wanted to start working and make your own money.

When I grew up that was not really a choice, I was expected to study and with the economic climate back then it was the only logical choice...or so they said.

Nowadays the world has turned, and we are beyond that point. I am fine with both, as long as you are able to do something that gives you that feeling of fulfillment. And of course, that feeling does not last a lifetime, I am paying for it right now.

Being a DJ and working in a bar gave me fulfillment I did not miss a single day of work in six years. It cost me deeply because once that door closed I needed to open a door to a corporate lifestyle, a job that made me money but never gave me the same fulfillment.

I got my fulfillment from being able to provide for you, ensuring I could have your back if you ever needed me to.

That job was a means to an end, and the end was you and along the way, I picked up an old hobby of mine, which was writing. That also gave me something that I felt was with doing.

That is pretty much how I tried to get the best out of life, of course, you can do better. If you can find a way to pay the bills and at the same time get that fulfillment and create the opportunities to keep growing you beat your dad at this game called life.

But for now, I think I did pretty well you could have had a worse role model.

But back to the question;

You moving to the USA, I have to admit it it kept hunting me for the next couple of weeks. I gave it a place, as I expected you to finish your school and then at the earliest leave for the US next summer.

Another wise lesson I can give you; never assume it makes an Ass out of U & Me.

Because three months later I was asked to sign a note that you and the dog could go on holiday to the US. Now that I have to sign for you is one thing, but for the dog....that weird barking piece of fluff, why was it still in my name??? What if anything would have happened with you guys, they would have made me take care of it???

I am already taking care of your other dog, this one;

But I am letting myself get distracted.

We talked about how this would impact your school, what kind of things were put in place to ensure you would not miss too much. Because you told me you would go for about three months, now this was the second time you had to do this year so I agreed that you should know most of it. And I could see how with some extra tasks, and re-examination once you returned you could make up for the missed time.

So if the school agreed, and there was a plan, I was sort of okay with it.

Although, it did not feel right. The answers I was getting were just too fluffy, and I wondered if those teachers would have gotten those same fluffy answers.

My gut feeling was right, although I must say I did not expect this.

I did not expect a colleague to tell me that your mom got married over there. Now I also did not expect you to tell me, because I can see that might feel a bit awkward.

So what did I expect, well I think in this scenario I would expect your mom to fill me in. To tell me that she plans to get married during this trip and that it might cause you to not come back to Spain at all.

The End is near My Friend,  I hope you still enjoy your Dad looking back on those first 18 years and are looking forward to that last Part tomorrow.