"when a massive star reaches the end of its life and implodes, collapsing on itself. it takes up zero space but it has mass. "

thus creating a hole in space and time that even light doesn't escape from. 

in this i reflect. day in and day our we produce. when is a star declared dead? is it after or before it implodes. when do we declare ourselves living? is it after or before we start dying. day in and day out we consistently produce and search for the elements of life that exist within a reality that we have chosen in order to send the energy that is created outwards. 

input leads to output. output leads to input again and the balance keeps working on itself day in and day out trying to adjust to small changes that the days sun always comes with. every day is the same yet no day is similar. given my experience my need to be productive seems to want to prove the validity of why i am able to breathe and distinguishes me from the others i see wandering this world. day in and day out i see myself and my reality separating  from what the world seems to offer. 

in a simplistic manner i see triggers showing up that block my output towards others and circulate the energy within myself. every day segments of love, compassion and inclusion challenge the world using me and seem to stack up awaiting a better time to get involved. even though unintentional the world seems to not be interested or blatantly reject the energy that wants to leave my body. in turn building up within and running out of space.

it is unfair for the people who  exist within my realm of consciousness and who i chose to have in my life and chose to have me in theirs. yet my selfishness to be included seems to only want to exist as it feels satisfied. yet whatever unique attribute i seem to have doesn't cease to want to be alive. even when everything seems not to welcome it. it grows and pushes only to find the space it occupies is not getting more refined and its existence multiplying instead of growing. repetitive days tend to prove mundane wile others bask in the peace that such days generate. with a will that gives you a desire to expand feeling stuck because of others makes for a restriction even your own world cant adapt. 

yet the repetitiveness of their days goes unnoticed by anyone other that yourself. and your own frustration towards such feelings become a product of their sadness giving way to a world that wants more to demand less. a world that is so keen of expanding to other worlds that it starts finding itself collapsing onto itself. with every interaction taking more out of you only to bring more of it out. they feel secure for a bit while you lose your security. they feel heard for a bit while you lose your voice.

a hole becomes a dumping ground where others feel te satisfaction of not being able to see their trash while you welcome it and forget the sacrifice you had to make. not satisfied with an imminent collapse from a hole that starts eating from itself unless its fed by none other than yourself.