The Path to Healing a Broken Road in a Relationship: pt1 Money

The Path to Healing a Broken Road in a Relationship: pt1 Money

By smiles0708 | smiles0708 | 29 Oct 2019


Money can lead someone and their relationship on a path towards destruction. We all have found ourselves on that path one time or another in our lives and a lot of us are still struggling to fight this battle.

How many times have you heard from your loved one or said to them something along the lines of “We need money.”, “How are we going to make it without any money.”, or “We have no money!”?

It can happen quite often in a relationship.

We get into this cycle of working a lot and worrying about how we can afford money in order to maintain a financial stability for us and our families. We find ourselves thinking about circumstances like; if these bills don’t get paid then we have no power, nowhere to live, no gas, no food, and the list goes on. It seems as if struggling to make ends meet can turns us into someone we don’t even recognize.

When we struggle financially, we find ourselves becoming so distant from our families and friends. When that occurs, we also start really enjoying our tiny amounts of downtime that now feels like a reward for making it through the day. Whatever we chose to do to help us relax and escape our stressful reality like reading a book, playing on our phones, or listening to music; it can feel so frustrating when it gets interrupted or taken away by an outside force like no internet and even our loved ones trying to talk to us.

If your wife was asking how your day was just as you were finally sitting down to relax after work, why is it that now their concerning nature is so bothersome?

Could it possibly be that in the mind of a stressed workaholic, that this is the one question they have been avoiding to answer all day?

Your husband might feel defeated having to explain to you, the one he loves more than anything, how bad his day was. He most likely is already extremely hard on himself for being away from you, even if he doesn’t show it. Not being able to achieve those desired financial goals that he strives for feels like a huge failure. All he wanted to do was provide for the one he loves, You. He wants to take care of you. I don’t think us independent, go-getter type of gals who think that sharing our accomplishments will help him feel anything but more defeated. And when you ask him a ton of questions, especially as soon as he comes home it is like delivering a gift of unwanted pressure and negativity he already experienced all day. It can also cause him a sense of feeling constantly judged or being watched kind of like how your parents made you feel when you were a kid.

Now what?

You’re that worried wife who feels like the one you love is depressed, won’t communicate. And trust me when I say how surreal it feels going through this in a relationship that some days it can feel like they are lying to you but they aren’t. When you are at home alone, over thinking and worrying about your husband I understand how lonely it can feel. When we feel lonely, we tend to reach out in different ways in order to get our man’s attention. It seems silly how we don’t even realize we are doing it half the time! I promise you he feels lonely too and he understands just as much as you do the hurt you both are feeling being apart.

But the more you both withdraw support from each other, the more you both question each other on work, money, their whereabouts or anything that you have no concrete knowledge of, it will cause that horrible negative weight that is on each of your chests to grow bigger.

 

 

You both need to support each other, empathize with each other, look for the more positive things to share or point out and show more love to one another. You both do trust each other, you both love and care for each other so why let this obstacle get in the way of your relationship. When having hard times in life, especially with money, feels humiliating practicing on each other some positive reinforcement like complimenting them after they got a haircut, can make a huge difference.

When your crazy work day is done, before coming home from work try sitting by yourself, close your eyes, and focus on just breathing. I promise that will help you relax before coming home. Now If you are already home and waiting for your honey to arrive, try doing something you like to do. Not something you think he wants you to do. What you want to do. Stop doing things like cleaning the house because you want him to notice. He notices, he just has not had the chance to relax yet from his exhausting day to say thank you. If he comes home to you relaxed and he sees your smiling face he will be able to continue to de-stress more easily. I guarantee that once you both find constructive ways to relax that your relationship will improve tremendously.

Be the water that supports the Captain on the ship. Not the cannon that shoots him or his livelihood down.

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smiles0708
smiles0708

HOW TO CURE OVER THINKING: Sometimes we over think. The thoughts will go around in our minds over and over and over until we feel so stuck it makes us feel stupid. There is a SOLUTION to this: By doing something! Go tackle a new project, task, or craft and even if it takes forever and a day you'll end up LEARNING. The brain stops over thinking naturally by learning. Learning helps you sort out your thoughts and ultimately helps you unwind. Getting ourselves unstuck is accomplished by doing, not thinking.

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