It's taken 46 years, although back then I did not have the ability to write as well as I do now, but finally I reached out to the one who has always cared for me the most and the one who I shut out from the most painful of all experiences I have ever endured in my more than a half century on this planet.

It wasn't fair on him and it wasn't fair on me.

By not reaching out I, denied myself the support that I both needed and deserved and while some might think too little too late there is power in disclosure. He might be late to the party - due to my delayed invitation (ME - not HIM) - but at least now he is here.

There is power in words, and there is absolutely no doubt about that. I wrote the letter painstakingly over the space of three days ensuring that I didn't inadvertently transfer guilt or blame in any way shape or form and for the very simple reason that it was my silence - and only my silence - that blocked the way.

I am obviously not going to share the letter on here, it runs too deep and too personal, but here is just a couple of short but "safe" excerpts;

And if you are worried, what I am about to share is, in the kindest sense of the word, nothing to do with you nor a reflection on the way I was raised – other than my responses and my failure to reach out – which I mention only because I do not want you taking responsibility or feeling burdened because of my silence.

Additionally, I have chosen to write rather than tell because it gives both of you time and space to digest what I am saying without feeling any pressure to respond immediately. If we were having this conversation face to face, I know I would in all likeliness become emotional, lose my thread and disappear down various digressions and stories that might seem relevant to me but distract from the point. For that reason, I have only included those stories where I believe they help explain who I was, how I reacted, or why I became the person I am today.

and...

So, finally, and for now, I am so sorry I have dropped this on you and especially after all of these years. I have needed to do it to help me let go and dispel any “secrets” which always thrive in the darkness and with the psychological support it was a necessary step. Like I said I do regret not telling you sooner [...], but we cannot live with regret. My biggest difficulty is that I know all the right answers in my mind, but I am not feeling them in my soul (emotions whatever).

So please, please, please if you are a person who is repressed and bound by secrets of the past, please reach out and find that person who cares, that person who you can trust and that person who will support and love you unconditionally...

...and if you are wondering about the image Co-Pilot helped usher me along this line with her implacable logic

As always stay safe and well my friends