Yesterday I shared an article about cyber-bullying and after the response I was initially going to write an article today called the Topsy-Turvy World of Publish0x Blogging. However, as the day went on and I got more responses it seemed appropriate that I write something more. So I will save the intended post for another day.

In the article I highlighted that a significant change that cyber-bullying as brought about is that it has removed the home as a safe haven or protected space. In fact conversely, as opposed to traditional bullying* the target is all to frequently even more vulnerable in their own home and especially when hidden away in their own bedroom. Millennials in particular - that is our young people - feel a great need for connectivity and acceptance and the pressures that go with that often lead them to do things that we would never even have considered even if the technology had been available. I shouldn't have to spell out what i am talking about.

* Incidentally I use the phrase traditional bullying just to make the distinction. Bullying is bullying, it is childish and malicious and for the same reasons I hate the corporate word mobbing. It's from the schoolyard and should stay appropriately labelled wherever it takes place, even in the boardroom.

The responses I got were heartfelt and very revealing and it showed that even on a platform like Publish0x some things are more important than crypto. The long awaited storm (correction) finally seems to have arrived and I have already written extensively on this so there is not a lot more I can say about it at the moment, other than as I said I am hodling in stablecoin and am planning to buy low.

So back to the point. I was a teenager before the PC was popularly adopted. I was a child of the Spectrum, Commodore 64 (and its baby brother the Vic-20) and the BBC and times were very different. When the PC initially arrived there was often just one in the home and probably it lived in a shared space and this changed a bit as laptops became more affordable and with it their arrival greater mobility. Then truly mobile devices such as tablets and smartphones arrived. The point is that each incremental stage has made it harder to track a teenager's online activity and the terrible pit traps that they are vulnerable to. Mobile internet capability and smartphones in particular have made this harder as they are literally online all the time and no parent can monitor their child 24/7.

Should parents really track their teenagers so closely anyway? That is another discussion and the answer is probably no because such a heavy-handed approach will communicate a lack of trust more than a sense of parental concern. So ultimately what is needed is an alternative framework that could be described as safeguarding which I have summarised in the points below. Much of this has also come from my time as a youth worker and 30 years of experience dating back from when I was no more than a youth myself.

• be a parent not a friend (that doesn't mean you can't be friendly). Your task is to raise your children to be responsible adults who are able to function in a wider society
• teach your children to respect themselves and not to look for validation from others who have less than clear motives (usually that means they want something). A simple illustration is the immature boy who tells a girl he is attracted to how wonderful she is, but then when she rejects him (however nicely) he turns nasty. That is an immature response to rejection
• show that emotions can be unreliable (they are a great guide at times too) and must be measured. Thought over heart.
• never condemn your children - love and acceptance is the way. This does not mean a lack of consistent discipline. Children usually know right from wrong it just needs reinforcing. Children need to feel loved and secure and that there is a way back
• create a culture of openness that means you are there for them but not over-intrusive
• ask questions to help them clarify their own thinking. For example, this can help them decide on valuable friends - rather than saying 'I don't want you to be friends with Robert,' ask 'What do you want from a friend? What do you think your friend wants from you? Is it good for you? Which friends give you what you want?' etc, etc
• accept that they are trying to establish their own boundaries, which may be perfectly good even if not acceptable to you. We all did it. Stayed out later, broke curfew, smoked a bit maybe even stole. Make it clear that certain things are unacceptable but love them through it.
• shame is the biggest silencer. Ensure your child never feels ashamed about something they had no control over, which means as a parent Listen and Support rather than judge.
• above all communicate - which means it is a dialogue not a monologue. We have two ears and one mouth and should use them in proportion.

This is just a quick post and to some extent an equally spontaneous response to yesterday's article as I felt it deserved a follow up.

I have including below a reference to an article I wrote on my website a few years ago that is related to the topic.

Stay safe and stay well