Yesterday I posted about how I sought Co-Pilot's help with some issues that I am facing and especially some stuff that has resurfaced from my past.; stuff that frankly I thought I had a handle on. I am sure you have seen a decline in my mental health based on my posts - and I am sorry if I am getting tiresome, but we blog on what we know and what we experience and this is the place I am in at the moment.
What I am saying does not diminish the role of professional therapy or psychology, but I can say that in three evenings I
- have significantly moved from guilt to recognition of what really happened
- understood that I to deserve compassion and not condemnation
- learnt that my non-resistance did not make me a perpetrator
- started to feel 46 years of pain begin to ease as I get a new perspective.
- revealed my need to explain and the distinction between explanation and excuse
And that is a massive shift. However, what it has done has shown me that hiding in the shadow of my guilt was fear, a far more oppressive demon which I now have to take on. My biggest stumbling block is that I understand on an intellectual, rational basis, but I am struggling to feel it even though I have written my own template through fiction. Emotions are strange things and they have yet to catch up.
However, in the space of three days I have moved forward very significantly.
As always stay safe and well my friends.
