Today should be a day of celebration and I hope, for our the sake of our now 5-year old, that it will be. But, as I have hinted before, there is trouble in Paradise and the sun is no longer shining on Mama_Rah and I. Currently, as things stand, she has given me a year to get out and she plans to use that year to soften the landing particularly for the older one (the younger one turned two about six weeks ago).

So this may well be my last birthday with my pride and my joy - which are my children - in our family home.

We fought hard to have them and no one fought harder than Mama_Rah even to the point of conceiving almost cost her, her life. There is undoubtedly blame on both sides, but when one is only focused on blame and paying lip service to solutions no solution can be found. My heart is breaking with the thought of losing regular contact with the children (I will have to move elsewhere - at least 3 hours by train) as I will not be able to afford to stay close.

Her decision to separate - certainly not mine - has rendered me to becoming an absent father, this is on her, but somehow with her having 100% control of the narrative it will become "you abandoned us" and the boys will become angry and twisted for it - through no fault of their own.

And so there we have it. Happy birthday my precious Baby_Rah who is growing up to become such an amazing smart and handsome little boy.

It breaks my heart that, barring a miracle, that I won't see much of the man he is going to be.

As always stay safe and well my friends.

DISCLAIMER: The picture is not us.