This Is Why The Crypto Life Chose Me... Part 1 (18+)
Thug Life, Baby

This Is Why The Crypto Life Chose Me... Part 1 (18+)

By walkonwayvs | Other Random Shit | 3 May 2020


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I first heard about bitcoin when it was around $73. I was visiting the silk road hoping to buy a few things.

Not only was $73 out of my price range (I was a student at the time) but with literally one Google search it seemed like the process of purchasing bitcoin was too complex for my perma-fried brain.

So I closed my tor browser containing silk road and other exciting anarchistic deep web pages, and I bought drugs like a regular person. Through a friend of a friend of a friend of mine.

Some time passed and I heard that bitcoin was up around $250. Damn, I thought to myself; shoulda put more effort in while it was only $73. So, naturally, I hit another bowl and forgot all about it.

That was until I heard bitcoin was over $10,000 and rising. On my way to work one day I literally saw a giant billboard containing the bitcoin logo. Obviously Satoshi himself payed for that advertising.

It was around this time when the crypto wheels first started spinning in my brain. Watching from the sidelines as an asset climbs in value from $73 to over $10,000 was pretty enlightening, for lack of a better word.

And I was thirsty.

At this point I hadn't even heard about the lambos or even the moon for that matter. I just woke up in the middle of the night once and thought that the sun was white until someone introduced me to that large rock in the sky we call the moon. Childhood innocence = gone.

moons and lambos



For my entire life my Dad has been very adamant on giving me a financial education. Ever since I started getting money, around the age of 12 working at my Dad's tire shop, I was putting aside 25% of every dollar I made into a savings account and my Dad would match every dollar saved with the intention of introducing me to investing.

Dividend stocks. Compounded. With a 30 year time frame.

The whole plan looked so nice on paper that I could smell the money! With an average yearly gain of 8% my Dad, along with our financial advisor, had set out the road for me to make 1 million dollars.

Oh baby. Give it to me!

The catch? I wouldn't get to touch that money until "retirement." Which was calculated into the plan for when I was around 50 years old.


Needless to say, I could no longer smell that money it was so far gone into the future.

But at least for the time being I was very confident in knowing that I could fuck up my life entirely because eventually when I turned 50 years old, it was smooth sailing after that baby. Oh yeah, a cool million would be waiting for me somewhere. All I would have to do was put on my swim-shorts and dive in like Scrooge McDuck.


A few years went by and I asked my Dad if we could get into something that might hurry up the process. Something that had a higher risk and a higher potential for reward.

Luckily I had a few extra dollars hanging around so I went in on two different small Canadian energy companies with the hopes of making some serious money within a year or two.

With a year or two? Still, I couldn't even smell that money.

i can has moneys



So a year finally went by. What happened? Basically nothing happened. I walked around on the earth. My Dad did a few things here and there. And my hard-earned money did absolutely fuck all. As for my hopes? Well, they were about as gone as my enthusiasm was for my 50-year-old million dollar payday.

I was on the chase for money. I had heard things about people making tons of money in the stock market. I had seen films where stock traders would make money over the phone. And I had heard that people make million dollar deals on the golf course about as casually as I miss my birdie-putts.

Boiler Room Film. Watch it.

I was still thirsty.

Fuck it, at this point I was hungry! My mouth was dry, my throat was parched, and my stomach was growling. I wanted to ride the high-risk roller coaster right alongside Lady Luck and walk with that special kind of swag that only rich people seem to walk with.

This was around the time that marijuana related companies started going public on the TSX. Oh baby! I felt like somebody had just given me the map to a buried treasure and all I had to do was start walking.

So I give my Dad a call. Long distance. But it didn't matter, he was paying for my phone anyways.

To my surprise my Dad liked the idea of "gambling" with a marijuana stock, as he called it. So he talked to our financial advisor to get a few companies to look at. I felt like a bomb ass pimp talking to my Dad over the phone about buying some risky marijuana stocks in those moments. I probably even put on sunglasses for the occasion.

Wall Street eat my dick.

And then I jumped in. I bought Aphria stock at $6, sold half my shares at $12, and the remaining half at $22. Oh baby! And don't forget to sign my guestbook, Wall Street.

This was it. I had made some profits and the red-headed temptress of greed had seduced me. Hard.

At this point not only could I smell the money, but that goddess grabbed my hair and buried my fucking face in it.

A real book, apparently.



It was around this time that bitcoin was rising above $10,000. The hype of this parabolic bull-run was infectious and it was everywhere. The FOMO was a bursting bottle of champagne and it seemed like those involved were skipping everywhere they went as the price of bitcoin just kept going higher and higher.

Luckily I didn't jump on the hype-train because we all know how quickly and destructively that baby came to a stop - throwing many passengers from their seats and out the windows.


So a few months went by after the peak in late 2017 before I decided to give my Dad a call. I was still pretty pumped about the Aphria trades I made, and you bet your ass I wanted more. But like a typical boomer (shoutout to the crypto boomers here on Publish0x - we see you) my Dad essentially scoffed at the idea of "investing" in any of this crypto nonsense. So I told him to bring it by our financial advisor to hear his opinion.

Well, apparently he scoffed too. Well fuck, I thought. So I scoffed right back, and naturally again, forgot about bitcoin and cryptocurrency. Or rather, I put the idea of them so far away on the back-burner that I hardly noticed they were there anymore.

One more year went by, and you're going to have to stay tuned to read the second part of this series. As of right now I have no idea how many parts this will be, but most likely it will be concluded with the second part. Stay classy.





Part two:
This Is Why The Crypto Life Chose Me... Part 2 (18+)


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Professional artist. Part-time cryptocurrency trader. Semi-retired napper.

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