I had just come from the big city in 2001, finding my bearings back home.
Then a college buddy asked me what I thought was important in relationships.
Three things, I blurted out:
Not that I'm any guru.
But he asked me and I told him.
Next thing I knew, he had left his girl friend.
And I asked him why.
He said two ingredients weren't there.
After a while, he had another girl friend.
May it be the one for him, even as I know my friend's got some growing up to do, too.
I don't know about you but I usually keep things simple for myself.
I honestly believe that love can be learned.
Trust takes time.
And respect must be there right at the start.
Obviously for my friend, the discontent was already there.
My thoughts were merely the trigger.
He was probably waiting for something like that.
For someone to confirm what he already knew.
We all look for such confirmations from others.
If we're not happy with our own relationships, we do that.
We become susceptible to a smile like never before.
We become entranced by another's intelligence.
We get moved by another person's kindness.
And if we leave a current relationship, the seeds of discontent have been there all along.
But sometimes we're in denial.
We say, things MAY get better.
We say, they MAY change.
So, we wait for things to improve.
When all that needs improving is us.
Maybe we've outgrown the relationship.
Maybe there's no love, trust, and respect.
Maybe there's abuse.
Maybe it was time to go a long time ago.
But we keep putting if off.
We wait for an opportune time to leave.
And maybe never get it done.
We create alibis.
And we wonder why we feel chained.
We wonder why we're so unhappy.
We wonder why we can't seem to breathe.
We wonder why we feel bored or uninspired.
Folks, love is love.
Remember when you first met your love.
What was it that you liked about them.
What moved you.
What inspired you.
What made you go after them.
What made you a couple.
What made you want to marry them.
Whether it's a couple's thing or it's among families or friends, love's pretty much the same.
We love because we are attracted to their wonderful qualities.
Sometimes, even quirky qualities are attractive.
Fights come about because there's no love, trust, and respect.
If you're religious, you'd say there must be God and you're absolutely right.
But then again, God is Love, and there you have it, it's still love.
I've also read a cute little book on how Angels seem to bring couples together.
And sometimes, the Angels can't either.
Sometimes, the potential couple go in different directions.
Angels can't interfere with your own plans or choices.
You've got free will.
You're free to choose who you want to love.
You're even free to choose to leave.
You owe it to yourself to love truthfully.
No one can make you love them if there's no spark there.
You may like them, but you may not love them.
You may even love them, but you don't necesarily like them.
I've also read books on how souls choose their parents.
They know that these parents carry the qualities they want to learn from.
Can you see how beautiful and exquisite love and relationships could be.
Many people who have been hurt in love refuse to love anymore.
They've shut their hearts out.
They become tough, hardened, angry, and even vengeful.
But that's a choice they made.
Give love a little opening and She'd be there.
Nurture Her and you will make many people happy alongside you.
The worst thing in relationships is when you seek the ruin of another.
So you make this person suffer.
You torment them no end.
You bind them to you for life.
And utter disrespect for the soul of another.
Again, you cannot force love.
It is given.
The best you can do is love as you know how.
And set the person free if the love is gone.
Let each other go if you don't look in the same direction anymore.
Leave if there is abuse.
You must honor your spirit.
You must cherish your soul.
Only you know how you're hurting.
Only you know if you're genuinely happy.
Only you know if you're being loved.
Only you know if you're being respected.
Only you know if trust is there.
Life is too beautiful to hurt each other.
Give yourself the opportunity to love.
And to trust and respect each other.
Love is a beautiful gift that must be honored.
For it is of God.
And oh, 18 years after my first statement, I have to add another thing.
A very important ingredient.
If you can laugh at yourself and with each other, and I mean truly laugh -- you've got a chance.
Seems to be a sign of wisdom.
And just sheer happiness.
Find someone who you can laugh with.
It's really good energy.
You can accomplish much together for sure.