Today I found myself remembering our life together; how we met, how we fell in love, how we got where we are now....
It was a Wednesday night and I was at a party with some friends, and I was quite bored actually. I decided to go outside to get some fresh air and smoke a cigarette, but mostly all I wanted was to get away from of all the gossip about the party host cheating on his girlfriend and how she knew, but did nothing about it.
It was a countryside little cottage, quite pleasant and perfect to be alone with your thoughts if that's what you wanted. I found a chair and placed it as far away from the back door as possible, didn't want to be disturbed by anybody. So, I sat there and just stared at the darkness of the night; no stars, no clouds, no moon to light up the grass, just darkness. And then, there you were...
At first, I thought that you were a figment of my imagination or the result of too many tequila shots, but no, you were there and you were looking at me, staring, like there was nothing else in that space but me. And I was puzzled by your presence, didn't know if you were dangerous or not, I just didn't know anything. When you came close a rush of feelings swept through my body: I started to sweat, my heart started to beat too fast too soon, it felt like I was running a marathon to nowhere, and all I could see was you, like I was seeing you through a kaleidoscope or something, it was you and nobody else.
In all that whirlwind of emotions, you got in front of me and I couldn't breathe —just enough to stay conscious to see what you would do to me, because I was sure that something would happen. But I couldn't have been more wrong: you sat next to me and started to talk to me, like we knew each other from another life. And despite the fact that my heart felt like it was going to explode, I couldn't leave; I couldn't stand up and run away from the person who was making me feel out of control. In fact, I don't believe I actually wanted to run, because for the first time in a long time I felt alive, I was feeling.
The next time we saw each other, you touched my face and it felt like I was on fire and you were the flames, and again I didn't care. I was alive, feeling like I'd never felt before in my whole life, maybe that’s what was made me fall for you. Because every time you left, that rush of feelings went away and I came back to that numbness that was my life —no fear or joy or sorrow, I felt hollow. But with you, there was a promise, a feeling from another world and it was wonderful, although by that time, you hadn’t even told me you name, and I didn't care.
Of course, my friends didn't approve of our relationship, and why would they? They didn't feel what I felt when I was with you or worse, they didn't understand what it was like not to feel at all. They even walked away from my life when I told them that I was going away with you, that the promise of a life with you was more than I could ever hope for, that my life didn't have meaning without you, that I was head over heels in love and nothing would change that.
But the last time you came something was different, I didn't feel the same as always. Sure, my heart still beat fast, but not like it was racing; my breath was still was short but steady; my head didn't spin out of control and I saw you like I saw any other guy. I didn't sweat, I didn't shake, nothing. So, I started to think that maybe we needed to talk, or maybe we needed to put some distance between each other in order to get our feelings straight. And you noticed that something was going on with me, so you kissed me and said goodbye. I cried and you smiled at me and whispered something in my ear and left.
You told me your name: your name was Fear, and you promised me that you'd be back to be with me forever. So now, I'm just waiting for you to come back, to make me feel alive, to make me feel whole, and to fulfill the promise you made that day: to be with me forever, Till Death do us Part.
This is a short story I wrote years ago, first for Hive, then reposted on read.cash. This time, after review, I corrected grammar errors it had so you can have a better version of it. The images are both made by me using Canva. Hope you like it!
I leave below the links to the original post.
