Peacocks in the Mud
God in Heaven,
before I start,
I want to thank You
for healing my heart
if I’d never been broken
I’d never have needed any repairs
if I’d never been choken
I might never have come up for air
* * *
Many times I’ve doubted
am I for real?
is my heart really true
or is this just how I feel?
are there any absolutes?
is there any give?
is this all we get?
does it matter how we live?
all the goody-good people
making the world a better place
need to open their eyes
you can clean up all the rivers
you can scrub and scrape the sky
but your heart will always be dirty
until the day you die
* * *
Lord I’m tired
of the wisdom of this world
it’s like a crown of cardboard studded
with imitation emeralds
and everybody wears one
almost all the time
I know they’re wearing theirs
cuz I’m clearly wearing mine
and there is a way that seems right to a man
that leadeth unto death
it doesn’t matter if you turn right
or if you turn left
you might be a sinner
you might be a saint
Jesus is either coming back in time for dinner
or He ain’t
He was either who He said He was
or He wasn’t
you might think it matters what you believe
but it doesn’t
I believe the sky is blue
and moral certainty is grey
I believe it’s time to get to work
I believe it’s time to play
I believe the moon is a silver dollar
spinning on the back of a golden turtle
and that the earth was once a great athlete
who has long-since gone infertile
I believe the universe was formed
by a spontaneous explosion out of nothing
though no such phenomenon has ever been observed
and I also know for sure that the Bible is bluffing
and I am undoubtedly superior to those lemmings
who suffer from unbelievable weakness of mind
though Christ did not say blindly believe
but rather seek and ye shall find
I believe in the theory of evolution
I believe you are the problem
I am the solution
* * *
We are obviously monkeys
I am totally convinced
even though no one has ever seen a frog
turn into a prince
and no one has ever once observed the spontaneous generation of life
from non-living matter
no one has ever seen a spoon turn into a knife
or a spleen turn into a bladder
maybe it took a billion years
I guess we’ll never find out
but until you produce some demonstrable evidence
I will hold on to my doubt
the world of theories
that cannot be tested
is the absolute opposite
of the scientific method
the lie is quite colossal
is science a game of musical chairs?
can you use the layers to date the fossils?
and the fossils to date the layers?
hasn’t carbon dating been completely inconsistent
from day one?
wasn’t Darwin a theologian?
isn’t he just the high priest of a religion?
* * *
All I wanna know is if I blow my mind
do my kids get new ones?
if we’re constantly improving
why does everything turn to dust and ancient ruins?
could it be the trend of the world
is toward chaos and decay?
except of course in the heart of man
which gets better every day
history proves it
murder rape and greed are on a steep decline
and the desire to control others
has never been more sharply undefined
I guess we walked around for eons
in total harmony
until we evolved into kings and peons
a civilized hierarchy
at which point everything went to hell
like never before
the monolith taught us how to kill
and go to war
I guess that means people are a virus
and the gene pool is actually a blender
which is supposed to inspire us
to yet another group of control freaks
so informed and enlightened
let me guess, you’re bad
and you should be frightened
Gaia-worshipping green police
patrolling the streets
an ascetic life of carbon credits
an indulgence to the priest
always for the greater good
the altruistic other
never for the Father
always for the mother
who think you’re guilty if you breathe
sounds like fun
when do we leave?
the humanist religion
at its core is a drag
denialistic common nonsense
that likes to brag
if you really wanna make the world
a better place
stop living under the law
start living under grace
cuz everyone is guilty
and nobody is clean
not even if you’re friendly
no less if you’re mean
for God so loved the world
He gave His only begotten Son
that whoever believes on Him
should not perish,
but have everlasting life
and if you don’t know what that means
get on your knees and ask
look into the mirror
look behind the mask
I don’t need to see it
I ‘m a sinner just like most
saved by grace, not by works
lest any man should boast
for Christ did not come to save the righteous
whose feathers are displayed
attributes and crass achievements
I made everybody happy
my mind is full of kittens
my mat was pointed toward the east
as it most certainly is written
I banged every chick I ever met
I’m dripping with confidence and drugs
I’ve got money flying out of my ass
on flowing Persian rugs
I’m incredibly prolific
I’m a consummate pro
I am the pimp of all creation
adios, to God
* * *
So we finally figured out fractals
and quantum-expressionist prose
and subconscious clothes
self-immolating garbage cans
and gay Nazi Jews
with their pink Stars of David
surrounded by swastikas of various shades
of very questionable brown
what is it all going?
where does it indicate?
who will it matter?
when do we wait?
where will we get there?
who will finally arrive?
why should I wear my seatbelt
if I am not alive?
* * *
With the brilliance of a dozen suns
suspended in gelatinous flame
once you’ve experienced the blinding power of my hubris
you will never be the same
even though no two trees have ever been alike
in the history of trees
almost no one ever gives credit
to the sculptor of these
and the sunset is a painting
that moves every day
in fact it’s being painted right now somewhere
it never goes away
and no two snowflakes have ever been alike
in the history of snow
could Picasso plant a paintbrush
in the ground and watch it grow?
could Guernica have spontaneously been painted
from a tiny seed?
could Michelangelo’s David
laugh or cry or bleed?
could Mona Lisa give birth
to a butterfly?
could she contemplate the universe?
or even blink an eye?
what we slave at to achieve an approximation
God simply sets in motion
there’s just not enough willpower in the world
to drown the ocean
and if I had all the answers
I wouldn’t ask the questions
maybe that’s the point
maybe it’s just a suggestion
and I for one really need to learn the virtue of service
and the blessing it supposedly brings
we’ve made ourselves into serfs
by turning into kings
and if there’s meaning to this life
it’s probably somewhere in the blood
and if the human race resembles anything
it’s a bunch of drunken peacocks in the mud
©2013 Nathan Payne