Peacocks in the Mud

 

God in Heaven,

before I start,

I want to thank You

for healing my heart

 

if I’d never been broken

I’d never have needed any repairs

if I’d never been choken

I might never have come up for air

 

*     *     *

 

Many times I’ve doubted

am I for real?

is my heart really true

or is this just how I feel?

 

are there any absolutes?

is there any give?

is this all we get?

does it matter how we live?

all the goody-good people

making the world a better place

need to open their eyes

 

you can clean up all the rivers

you can scrub and scrape the sky

but your heart will always be dirty

until the day you die

 

*     *     *

 

Lord I’m tired

of the wisdom of this world

it’s like a crown of cardboard studded

with imitation emeralds

 

and everybody wears one

almost all the time

I know they’re wearing theirs

cuz I’m clearly wearing mine

 

and there is a way that seems right to a man

that leadeth unto death

it doesn’t matter if you turn right

or if you turn left

 

you might be a sinner

you might be a saint

Jesus is either coming back in time for dinner

or He ain’t

 

He was either who He said He was

or He wasn’t

you might think it matters what you believe

but it doesn’t

 

I believe the sky is blue

and moral certainty is grey

I believe it’s time to get to work

I believe it’s time to play

 

I believe the moon is a silver dollar

spinning on the back of a golden turtle

and that the earth was once a great athlete

who has long-since gone infertile

 

I believe the universe was formed

by a spontaneous explosion out of nothing

though no such phenomenon has ever been observed

and I also know for sure that the Bible is bluffing

 

and I am undoubtedly superior to those lemmings

who suffer from unbelievable weakness of mind

though Christ did not say blindly believe

but rather seek and ye shall find

 

I believe in the theory of evolution

I believe you are the problem

I am the solution

 

*     *     *

 

We are obviously monkeys

I am totally convinced

even though no one has ever seen a frog

turn into a prince

 

and no one has ever once observed the spontaneous generation of life

from non-living matter

no one has ever seen a spoon turn into a knife

or a spleen turn into a bladder

 

maybe it took a billion years

I guess we’ll never find out

but until you produce some demonstrable evidence

I will hold on to my doubt

 

the world of theories

that cannot be tested

is the absolute opposite

of the scientific method

 

the lie is quite colossal

is science a game of musical chairs?

can you use the layers to date the fossils?

and the fossils to date the layers?

 

hasn’t carbon dating been completely inconsistent

from day one?

wasn’t Darwin a theologian?

isn’t he just the high priest of a religion?

 

*     *     *

 

All I wanna know is if I blow my mind

do my kids get new ones?

if we’re constantly improving

why does everything turn to dust and ancient ruins?

 

could it be the trend of the world

is toward chaos and decay?

except of course in the heart of man

which gets better every day

 

history proves it

murder rape and greed are on a steep decline

and the desire to control others

has never been more sharply undefined

 

I guess we walked around for eons

in total harmony

until we evolved into kings and peons

a civilized hierarchy

 

at which point everything went to hell

like never before

the monolith taught us how to kill

and go to war

 

I guess that means people are a virus

and the gene pool is actually a blender

which is supposed to inspire us

to surrender

 

to yet another group of control freaks

so informed and enlightened

let me guess, you’re bad

and you should be frightened

 

Gaia-worshipping green police

patrolling the streets

an ascetic life of carbon credits

an indulgence to the priest

 

always for the greater good

the altruistic other

never for the Father

always for the mother

 

matriarchal communists

who think you’re guilty if you breathe

sounds like fun

when do we leave?

 

the humanist religion

at its core is a drag

denialistic common nonsense

that likes to brag

 

if you really wanna make the world

a better place

stop living under the law

start living under grace

 

cuz everyone is guilty

and nobody is clean

not even if you’re friendly

no less if you’re mean

 

for God so loved the world

He gave His only begotten Son

that whoever believes on Him

should not perish,

but have everlasting life

 

and if you don’t know what that means

get on your knees and ask

look into the mirror

look behind the mask

 

I don’t need to see it

I ‘m a sinner just like most

saved by grace, not by works

lest any man should boast

 

for Christ did not come to save the righteous

whose feathers are displayed

attributes and crass achievements

on parade

 

I made everybody happy

my mind is full of kittens

my mat was pointed toward the east

as it most certainly is written

 

I banged every chick I ever met

I’m dripping with confidence and drugs

I’ve got money flying out of my ass

on flowing Persian rugs

 

I’m incredibly prolific

I’m a consummate pro

I am the pimp of all creation

adios, to God

I go

oh no!

 

*     *     *

 

So we finally figured out fractals

and quantum-expressionist prose

biomechanic valentines

and subconscious clothes

 

astrolithic haircuts

paleoplastic shoes

self-immolating garbage cans

and gay Nazi Jews

 

with their pink Stars of David

hanging upside-down

surrounded by swastikas of various shades

of very questionable brown

 

what is it all going?

where does it indicate?

who will it matter?

when do we wait?

 

where will we get there?

who will finally arrive?

why should I wear my seatbelt

if I am not alive?

 

*     *     *

 

With the brilliance of a dozen suns

suspended in gelatinous flame

once you’ve experienced the blinding power of my hubris

you will never be the same

 

even though no two trees have ever been alike

in the history of trees

almost no one ever gives credit

to the sculptor of these

 

and the sunset is a painting

that moves every day

in fact it’s being painted right now somewhere

it never goes away

 

and no two snowflakes have ever been alike

in the history of snow

could Picasso plant a paintbrush

in the ground and watch it grow?

 

could Guernica have spontaneously been painted

from a tiny seed?

could Michelangelo’s David

laugh or cry or bleed?

 

could Mona Lisa give birth

to a butterfly?

could she contemplate the universe?

or even blink an eye?

 

what we slave at to achieve an approximation

God simply sets in motion

there’s just not enough willpower in the world

to drown the ocean

 

and if I had all the answers

I wouldn’t ask the questions

maybe that’s the point

maybe it’s just a suggestion

 

and I for one really need to learn the virtue of service

and the blessing it supposedly brings

we’ve made ourselves into serfs

by turning into kings

 

and if there’s meaning to this life

it’s probably somewhere in the blood

and if the human race resembles anything

it’s a bunch of drunken peacocks in the mud

 

 

©2013 Nathan Payne