Kuato Was A Pimp

By Nathan Payne | pablosmoglives | 23 Jun 2021

Early Martian colonies were fraught with the same screeching, artless political division found on Earth today.  While Kuato is portrayed as an underdog and a hero in the evil, satanic political documentary Total Recall, in fact he was a jealous, artless nitwit, a pimp, warlord, and a gangster who was more interested in maintaining his control of the Martian strip-club market than in actual freedom. 

In the early days before the revolution, Pablo Smog played many shows at Kuato’s clubs, but  Kuato’s jealousy, greed, and artless mediocrity eventually overcame him.  Though a mutant himself, he began to exploit mutants and use them as prostitutes and drug dealers to finance his war against Pablo Smog’s Martian Liberation Army, who fought for freedom, equal pay for musicians, and free air.  Kuato co-opted Pablo Smog’s bid for free air as his own idea, and used it to leverage power in the bid for public support. 

Cohaagen, a shrewd politician in his own right, could see that Kuato would be easier to control than Pablo Smog, and initially backed Kuato’s guerilla campaign against Pablo’s men.  Cohaagen’s goons, pictured here in a scene from the film, worked in tandem with Kuato until their mutual enemy was forced to live in cars and vans and subsist entirely on tips.  

Before they were wiped out, Pablo Smog’s Martian Liberation Army played many great shows, to thunderous applause and critical acclaim.  To this day, visitors to Mars comment on the prevalence of strip clubs, hyper-corporate hotels, and sex shops, and the total lack of an interesting, organic culture that rocks.  The replacement of real cab drivers who have five kids to feed with cheap, unprofessional, Uber-like Johnny Cabs is next on the agenda.


How do you rate this article?



Nathan Payne
Nathan Payne

I am a songwriter and bandleader who travels the world in search of the golden ticket. http://www.pablosmoglives.com


Replacing my blog at http://pablosmoglives.wordpress.com

Send a $0.01 microtip in crypto to the author, and earn yourself as you read!

20% to author / 80% to me.
We pay the tips from our rewards pool.