After Nigel donated all £1,200 to the children’s home, they went back under the bridge. Kevin was sitting sadly and mumbling:

“Bro, I need a new profitable dumpster. The old one is as empty and smelly as my portfolio.”

Nigel, like a true crypto guru under the bridge, raised his finger in a holey glove and said:

“Don’t worry, Kevin. The whole world is one giant dumpster. I’ll find you the best one. Follow me, this will be our trade of the year.”

They walked along the Thames. Nigel stopped at a huge green bin behind an expensive restaurant and declared:

“Here it is! Premium dumpster 2026! They throw out cheese with mould that’s still slightly alive. It’s like buying Solana at the bottom — risky, but you can eat for two weeks!”

Kevin got teary-eyed:

“You’re my personal financial advisor…”

To officially “trade” the dumpster, Nigel pulled out his only crypto from his pocket — one dirty Dogecoin from 2017.

“Here’s my first investment!” he announced solemnly and tossed the coin inside. “Now this is our shared DeFi pool. DOGE rules the dumpster!”

They hugged so tightly that a small test fart escaped from Kevin.

But that evening Kevin found a massive piece of cheese in the bin with mould so strong it glowed blue. He devoured it in 9 seconds.

One hour later he was twisting in pain.

“Nigel… I’m exploding from both ends… take me to the hospital or there’s gonna be a real bull run right here…”

The ambulance arrived. Inside, Kevin lay on the stretcher while Nigel held his hand and whispered:

“Hang in there, bro. This is just a healthy correction…”

Suddenly Kevin unleashed a long, powerful, melodic fart that created a thick green cloud inside the ambulance. The driver screamed:

“What the hell is that?! I can’t see anything! Opening all windows! This is worse than a chemical attack!”

He turned the siren to maximum and sped through London with every window wide open. The stench followed the ambulance like a new Solana memecoin. People on the street covered their noses and shouted: “Is that a new virus?!”

At the hospital, the doctor wearing a mask looked at Kevin and said:

“You have severe mould poisoning. And the smell from your intestines… we had to evacuate two nurses.”

Kevin smiled weakly and whispered:

“It’s not a smell… it’s the smell of freedom… and financial independence…” 

Nigel sat next to him, checking the Bitcoin chart:

“Bitcoin just dropped another 7%. You know why everyone is scared? Politicians are scared to pass laws because then they’d have to work. People are scared to buy the bottom because they think the bottom isn’t the real bottom yet. But you and me… we’re not scared of anything… except someone stealing our dumpster and your farts.”

Kevin quietly let out another small but extremely aromatic fart and said:

“The only thing I’m scared of… is cheese without mould next time.”

Nigel laughed through tears:

“That’s real life, bro. Politicians just float with the current like the Thames — wherever it takes them. Meanwhile we’re under the bridge trading dumpsters, investing Doge into the bin, and doing fart rallies.

This is Financial Suicide. But damn… at least it smells funny!”