In 1984  I was 14.   This meant it was my first year in High School

In my high school we had a number of distinct social groups/classes that by some direction of nature you were dropped into.  

Social Class 1:  The elites.  These were the young men and women who excelled at everything they did.  They were the class presidents, had the 4.0 grades without even trying and usually they were the best dressed.

Social Class 2.  The Jocks.  These include both girls and boys equally but the pre dominate classification was around the footballers.  Usually seen as big and dumb, but that wasn't always the case.

Social Class 3.  The Stoners.  These were the folks who usually were on all the drugs and dressed and acted  accordingly. 

Social class 4  The Goth's/Emo's.  These folks were the ones that were always in the black monochrome outfits, the dark eye liners and the general dark looks.

Social Class 5.  The generic popular kids.  These were the kids that didn't really fit into any particular social class so often enough had a mixture of all the classes.

And the final and considered the lowest Social Class:  the Nerd/Geek.  These were they kids that wore glasses,  had your hair cut high and tight with the left side part or up in ponytails with braces.  The worst part for the boys  was the above the ankle pants, pocket protectors  and white dress shirts.  For the girls, it was the plaid or flowery dresses that didn't quite fit right.

This final class, is where I began my formative years as a teen.  

Although I didn't dress like the images portrayed in the movies and the media, I was still considered a nerd due to my giant owl eyed glasses and the off brands of clothes that my parents could afford as a low/middle class household.  And the worst part was because I was raised with a old school code of ethics and a love of reading  I had a large vocabulary and manners.

All of which helped me be classified as a Nerd. And I was bullied because of it.

I remember my first day in school and having a couple of the "good looking" cheerleaders come over to me and my "nerd" friend and tell us how cute we were and ask about our class schedule so they could meet us later.  Then when we tried to reciprocate a few days later, they laughed and grabbed a couple of the "handsome" jocks saying they had boyfriends.

I wish I could express in words the devastation this had on my self confidence.  I remember going home and crying about how I wish I was built like the jocks or handsome like the elites.

Over the course of the years I tried to avoid the bullies by walking home on different roads as often as I could.   I used different routes through the school to avoid being shoved into lockers and even went so far as to not shower after physical education class  because I didn't want to be teased about my small stature.  I'm sure my class mates weren't happy with that choice.

Even with all of these precautionary measures I still found my self being pushed around , tormented and teased.    At 14 this can have emotionally  devastating effects that in 2023 we are only just now really understanding.

I remember trying to speak to teachers, school principals and other respected leaders in secret to get help and being told to suck it up or my parents trying to go to the school leadership and when the bullies found out  I would get attacked verbally and physically because of it.

So my first year of high school, I would call torture.

I will say that I was fortunate enough in my second year of high school  to gain friends in the generic social groups, a few who are by the school age judgements "very attractive."  These kids pulled me from the "nerd" classification and adopted me into their more "popular' culture, This action, I believed mitigated the effects of being "a nerd" by reducing the bullying and adding a small amount of respect when a pretty girl was hanging on my arm, ( I was the safe brother type). 

I am to this day eternally grateful for those friends.  If they hadn't chosen to bring me into their social group I don't know if I would have survived to be even remotely the semi-stable person I am today. 

However, today I go to bed at night wondering if I impressed anyone.  I cringe when I am teased in any fashion and have a tendency to tease a bit harder than I should. 

Even worse is that looking back at the last 40 years of my life since, I  see how many times  I became the bully or teased someone, almost to far and what kind of damage that did. 

Maybe one day I will see myself in a better light.  But today it's a battle to stay on a higher plane.

If you have gone through or going through  this type of torment, know that you are not alone and you can overcome it with time, love and support

Good Luck and Love from me.