When looking back 35 years. I have seen many things have had many blessings. I still though feel entrapment of my soul.

At 2 a person stuck there dick in my mouth. That was my first attempt at erasing my life. Then seemed like seconds firemen came a pumped my stomach. I knew that I was being watched over. 

Then in kindergarten I was hearing what was happening at my house while away. Word for word. I knew then my mind was linked to the world...how?

Then in 7th grade the popular idea was babies or rifles. With my mind feeling I would not settle I decided to make explosives. I was charged with a felony...where these my thoughts? Either way I was oppressed.

In 10th and 11th grade I was making crypto-analytical codes while balancing parties, schoolwork, jobs, and organized sports. Then again like the firemen at 2 I knew someone was looking out for me. 

Then for about 18 years I was homeless, or in halfway houses, in church rehabs, or in mental institutions. 

In that time I was forced to take meds. En-jailed for resting my head and criminalized for knowing things others ignorance forbid them from. 

I was depressed for many years. About 4 attempts during those 18 years, IQ tests, govt blood samples, and a constant nagging that shows my happiness is forfeited. 

When asking; what is life? I find myself mentally drained. I see atoms, I see the universe, I see things I have created though experience and tears, I find the flaws in humanity, nature, religion, and good and bad. I find perfection aswell.

Truth be told. 

Life can only make pain, suffering, and misery. Death can only be a release till the next life.. either way I'm in the middle.

I wonder what did humanity have to do?

I feel brainwashed at times. I feel watched, I feel underappreciated, I feel time has altered regularly..

I fell asleep at 5 in the morning and woke up at 4:00 in morning same day with a nose bleed.

I woke up this very night at 10:40 and went to bed at 10:30 conversed with my partner and fell asleep woke up rested.

I can express the mixture of my emotions. My blessings and failures are mine. I wouldn't shit on another's blessing, yet cry when people are getting shit on...

I would never wish this life on anyone. The inconsistency, back stabbing, idle ideo-ocracy, pain staking disregard for others. 

If we are tiny and insignificant why make others feel smaller. If there are laws, apply them to all.

Just be..don't let others tell you how...!