I have been reading this book of the great Dale Carnegie, who has written many books on self-development. In this blog, I'm going to give a review of his book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Well, I haven't read the whole book yet. I'm going to review the first part of the book, which is about techniques in handling people. So, let's begin.
Part I: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
This part of the book is all about leadership. If you are a leader in a business or politics, these principles are really important for you to apply for yourself, before you start to lead people. In this part, Dale Carnegie has discussed three principles. Each principle discussed in this part of the book is essential in every leadership. I have personally experienced that, violating this principle can be harmful to your leadership. Let's start with principle 1.
Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn or complain
The writer explains this principle in a very alluring manner, that even the most ruthless criminal don't really believe that they are wrong. He gives an example of few criminal like “Two Gun” Crowley even he said that and I quote "Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one - one that would do nobody any harm."
I mean this is something that criminal is saying that he has a soft heart, while he is a kind of person who would kill in a blink of an eye. Even he blames everyone else for his doing, then how could a normal man could ever possibly believe that he is to be blamed. Criticizing, condemn and complaining about a man's performance tell him the exact same thing that he is wrong and others are right.
It is in human nature, that he wants to be proven right all the time. So, point I'm trying to make if you are a leader, the worst thing you could ever do to the person who has done something wrong or opposite of what you have said him to do, just claim down for a minute and ask yourself what would you do if you where in the same situation he is right now.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation
The writer explains this principle by saying that we all want to drive expensive cars and fancy clothes. The reason behind that is not that we really need that, fancy or not any piece of clothing can solve your problem. Then why do we want to own the most expensive things? There is only one answer to that, to prove to ourselves that we are important. We are worthy of something.
But when you give people sincere and honest appreciation, you enlightened their souls. You give them a sense of importance they want to get from people. I can personally guarantee you this that if you give honest and sincere appreciation to your employees, your wife or husband, your children, your neighbors and your colleges your whole life would change. You won't find a single person around you who had a bad behavior with you.