The first thing to realize about child abuse is that there is no “typical child abuser.” Most tend to be ordinary people, with no history of severe mental illness. Most child abusers are also familiar with the children they abuse, being relatives or family friends, but sometimes strangers abuse children as well.
Second, child abuse covers a much broader spectrum of behaviors than simple physical abuse. Also included would be sexual abuse, neglect, and emotional abuse, such as crushing a child’s spirit on a regular basis.
There are a variety of risk factors, but they interrelate, and are only risk factors, not an indictment. These could be called common traits among child abusers, some of which apply to non-abusers, but they can certainly raise red flags.
Many child abusers have a history of being abused themselves. This situation shows how the physical damage may last a lifetime, but the emotional damage can last much longer, engendering a new generation of abusers.
Low self-esteem is another factor, which may be a result of emotional abuse.
Poor control over emotions is another factor. This often is tied to low self-esteem, in that a person in this situation may feel that he or she has no appropriate way to release emotion, so it may be released by lashing out at someone smaller and weaker.
Abuse of alcohol or other drugs directly contribute to poor control over emotions, reinforce self-esteem issues, and dovetail with a variety of other factors as well.
Stress is a MAJOR factor in child abuse, and often is the trigger for releasing behaviors that may have been kept in check. Financial problems can put great stress on a family. Marital problems can certainly affect stress, as can the social isolation that comes from having no support network. These can be caused by moving to a new location, divorce or separation, alcohol or drug abuse, or even job changes. Illness of a parent or child can put terrific emotional and financial stress on a family. Some parents are too young and immature to care for children, and some simply lack the parenting skills to know what to expect from children. Unreasonable demands can definitely lead to abuse.
We are sometimes surprised when someone we know as a “good person” is arrested for it, although there are often signs of an adult who may be abusing a child. For example, a parent who refers to his or her child as “bad,” or harshly punishes the child in public, may be abusing the child in private. On the other hand, one who seems unconcerned about his or her child may also be an abuser. Finally, a parent who becomes defensive when asked about a child’s health or gives conflicting stories about a child’s injuries may well be concealing abuse.
Protecting children from abuse is the responsibility of all of us - not only other people’s children, but our own, too. When we as parents have these risk factors present, we must have constructive ways to deal with them, and not make our children pay for our problems.
