When I was a young girl, I had an alter ego, and her name was Juanita... In Juanita I could be anything. I could be strong, fearless, beautiful and always facing forward, never looking back. I needed her in the troublesome childhood I had. She helped shape the woman I have become today really, a fighter.

The piece of music in the following video, Chan Chan, is based upon an old farmer song Compay Segundo (of Buena Vista Social Club) heard as a child, about a couple called Chan Chan and Juanica, who were very much in love and building a house together... Building a life. It is a simple song that has always made me feel something deeply about the important things in life. It speaks of love, passion and just the rich tapestry of life . I miss dancing to this...it is the only way to fully understand this song, or any Cubano or Latino style music. You have to move and be moved by it. Dancing, for me, is a little like making love; you do it with your heart, not your head, and the way your body moves is almost beyond your earthly senses. No, you are not dancing to the music but dancing with it. For many years I have danced with this song. I know it well, and although it felt good to be back with it, dancing through its beauty once again, it was in many ways bittersweet... 

I cannot dance freely currently. It is my first attempt since my knee operation. I cannot properly bend my knee and am not allowed to twist on that knee, lest I break the newly constructed ligament. So it cuts out much of my freedom of movement and expression. Felt so scary and foreign dancing, which has in some senses made me feel sad. My body, which was, up until my operation, and beyond that, before my accident, an extension of the music I hear and feel, felt slightly out of touch with moving in that way. It seemed to take so long to be able to walk again. I know I must be patient. My physio would probably tell me not to dance at all just yet because of the dangers of tearing the new ligament if I make a false move or lose my concentration. But hey, life without some level of risk is no life at all... And I was careful. 

I danced tonight because... It's Valentines day and for a whole variety of reasons, I have felt hugely emotional this weekend. Past and present seemed to mingle in my mind and heart in a way I felt uncomfortable with and that kind of confusion has always been exorcised by dance. I also couldn't get this song out of my head, because one of my children was humming it (it's a song I used to play and dance to a lot). 

Happy Valentines day everyone and whether you are with the one you love or not, I hope you are feeling love, somehow. 

Ps, as an additional, this was me dancing to this song a few years ago... Goals basically...