We've all heard it a million times. The number one piece of advice everyone gives to people trying to enter the dating game or meet new people is the same around the world... Just be yourself.
Guess what? That's grade A bullsh*t!!!
I mean it's quite obvious that if you are here, reading my blog, you are looking for ways to improve your life and yourself, in general. Now, if that's the case, let me ask you the next logical thought progression... If you're not happy with who you are, why would you possibly expect someone else to settle for it?
I'm not trying to be cruel or say you aren't a good person. I'm sure you are great and you have your heart in the right spot. I'm just saying you already recognize that there are things you want to be different and people who tell you to just be yourself aren't doing you any favors in attaining that end goal.
I'm sure they aren't bad people either. It was probably your mom or your best friend or whoever and they like you just the way you are and that's wonderful. They mean well and they want to see you be happy but they are just giving you the wrong advice. It's been circulated for generations so it has to be good, right?
The problem is you are just perfect for the relationship you have with them. You're the perfect son or daughter, the amazing friend, a great coworker, et cetera. Unfortunately, that's not the relationship you're looking for when you're going into the dating game and the self you've already constructed isn't getting the results you're looking for.
Don't worry. Good old Lucifer isn't going to feed you regurgitated bullsh*t that's been handed down through the generations because that's not who I am. I tell it like it is and I'm telling you now, just being you isn't enough.
So, here's the thing... We know being you isn't enough. We need a solution!
Believe it or not, it's actually pretty simple. You've heard the old interview advice, dress for the job you want? This tip is actually along those same lines. Be the person you want to be!
But, Lucifer, what does that mean?
Well, think of it like this. You wouldn't show up to a job interview in your pajamas just because that's what you're comfortable in, would you? Then, don't show up to the dating game in your same old worn out personality.
Create the person you want to be and then put the work into actually becoming that person. Do you lack confidence? Go ahead and make the shot. Think she's out of your league? Is that really your issue to worry about?
Quit worrying about the little what ifs and maybes and start focusing on just doing the things that the person you want to be would do. After all, you really don't have much to lose by giving it a shot, do you?
I'm definitely not saying to be dishonest because that's a huge no no in any relationship. I'm saying know your objectives on who you want to be and be working towards them with a focus. Call it creating an alter ego or persona that's still you but new and improved.
When you quit worrying about what might happen or the chance of failing, then you will start to see that you are celebrating more successes and you'll have a lot less stress and anxiety in your path. Each new successful adventure will help build your persona and give you the encouragement to keep going forward until you become that person you want to be.
Until next time, this is Lucifer, signing off.