Conversation at this table in Pardners is considerably less stimulating, though the potential looms large. Karaoke has gone okay, from a performance standpoint, but the song selection progressively poorer and even worse, boring, as this night advanced. So it is that we now ride back to Millie’s place in a pair of vehicles — three of us in hers, for we deposited my car over there earlier, and Jacob trailing us.
We are here not even an hour and crack open one beer apiece (Millie, Lily, myself) or else puff on a little magical pot pipe (Jacob) before those two lovebirds head upstairs to fuck. This has almost proven too easy, the manner in which Lily and I have drifted back together tonight. Michael is apparently still out with one or more of his women, while the other two roomies are already in bed, meaning we have the entire ground floor to ourselves. I’m breezing off to the fridge for another round, as Lily, in her full-blown standard default mode, cues up a movie, in this instance The Bodyguard.
By my count, approximately two years have passed since she and I messed around. Between my seriously dating Jenna, and Lily’s move to Chicago, and her intermittent Joe obsession, it has just never happened in all the time since. So I must abide by the timeworn song and dance of not appearing too eager, while subtly steering things in that direction, even given our history. Basically this amounts to a couple hours listening to her talk about her apartment, her job, and her future prospects, while I toss off enough responsive syllables to indicate I am listening. We are well into a second movie, Purple Rain, before any substantial developments transpire.
“Damn, Sid, I think you’re the only guy friend I have who’s still around and single,” she observes, chuckling ruefully to consider this.
“Oh so that’s what this is really about, isn’t it?” I joke, “you’re desperate.”
She clucks her tongue and says, “no. You and me used to always do stuff together, remember?”
“Well, yeah, until you were all up on Joe’s nuts.”
“Whatever! And anyway I’m not looking for just sex,” she says, laughing, “I mean, sex is nice and all, but even if we just watch movies and go out and have fun like we always used to, we always did stuff like that. You’d be up for that again, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh yeah,” I chuckle again, “I’m always looking for a good time.”
Much like, well, perhaps a theoretical debate with Pete, it amazes me how these chicks can also choose a wildly different interpretation, from the one sitting on the surface, staring them right in the face. Or you might argue that they willfully choose this interpretation, to justify the direction they already want to move in. Whatever the case, in seemingly no time at all, I have Lily’s pulled pants down and am fingerbanging her, while she starts rubbing my still fully clothed dick. Considering that for some insane reason the overhead lights remain on, she has thrown a blanket over our bottom halves, and thank god she does because…right at this moment, Michael barges through the front door.
I guess Lily must have known that this might happen, hence the blanket. The timing is just excruciating, however, for he flops into an easy chair, starts telling us at great length about his night, and offers movie reviewer wisecracks about the Prince flick. With nothing better to do, I get up and go grab another beer for Lily and me, pointedly not about to include Michael in this and encourage him to stick around.
His presence in this household has also complicated matters just enough so that we have nowhere else to go. Before, the basement was a potential point of refuge, yet even that is lacking now. And yet when I’m just beginning to wonder if he will sit until sunrise and force me to either pass out here or leave, he finally bids us a fond adieu and continues downstairs. Only for Lily and I to resume our activities, and not even three minutes later witness Jacob clomping down the other set of stairs, from above.
“We’re not having sex!” Lily oddly blurts out, before he’s even landed, which is the kind of weird admission that can only make someone think this is precisely what you are engaged in.
“I don’t give a fuck what y’all are doin,” he tells us. And as he keeps even weirder hours than the rest of us, Jacob now strolls across the living room to a desktop computer, to fire that up and screw around online. Recognizing that we have no other choice, Lily and I look at one another, shrug, and head out to my car. We make out briefly in the parking lot before I drive her over to my place.
In the morning, or make that early afternoon, we finally stir so that I can take her home. As we’re pulling ourselves together, Phil picks this of all days to actually emerge from his bunker for a change, perhaps so he can put a face to the bedroom sounds he overheard. Though fortunately spared his take until after I drive Lily back to Millie’s apartment and return.
“So…what were those wild animal noises I heard coming from your bedroom last night? Wow. I’m not too sure about that one, dude,” he tells me.
“Really? I mean…I guess she’s kinda big, but she does have a really pretty face.”
“Yeah, but still…”
“And anyway what happened to that whole fuck it, man, pussy’s pussy thing you were saying the other night?”
“I know, man! That’s true, that’s true!” he laughs, “calm down, I’m just messin’ with ya!”
Well, and here’s one other final point about this whole standards debate: most of these guys are full of shit anyway. Phil I will admit does maybe have some wiggle room to bust my balls, because I haven’t seen him with any dogs. However, I have also seen him with very few chicks period, meaning he has gone through extended cold snaps without any sex, including as far as I know the entire time he’s lived here. And where do you draw that line, at what point does that not really make sense?
As for the other fellows, they have no leg to stand on. Dylan’s in the same camp as me and is therefore exempt from even mentioning, for he would never be found razzing me about any of this. But Pete I know for a fact has slept with at least one positively enormous woman, and Joe’s nailed the most dogs/heifers among our entire clan. In fact, Lily is the heftiest one I’ve ever slept with…and he has also hit that, far more often than I, and exclusively back when she was much larger, to boot. I have had sex with zero dogs, however, as a pretty face is an unassailable requirement for me. Bottom line, though, is that for any of these guys to say that in a similar circumstance, they would not fuck Lily, they are full of shit. They are totally full of shit.
In other news: order the complete novel from my official site and save a few bucks, on the exact same versions, versus what the big mean corporate ogres at Amazon are charging:
Well-Behaved Monsters paperback
Thanks and have a great week!
