As we know talking is an essential part of the friend-making process

How to talk?! Part 1

By jezzer71 | How to make friends!? | 17 Jun 2021

As we know talking is an essential part of the friend-making process. From birth we've been taught how to speak. Our parents and teachers first guided us through the alphabet, the correct pronunciation, and learning correct grammar. But, certainly for me, I've never been taught how to talk, well at most I've been taught correct manners and how to be polite. Then, it's no wonder, why over 70% of the people in this world are considered 'introverts'. I mean it's like being given a video game without a tutorial or any prior experience. 

There's only really one way to learn how to play a game without being given the rules. FAIL a bunch of times. Yet society has put a negative damper on failure. "Failure is bad". "Society is about perfection". These messages have been hammered into most of our brains from birth. We can't fail, so we can't learn the rules, then what do we do? If people can't learn how to play the game, then they don't play it, and that is how the introverts are manufactured. Being introverted is certainly not a bad thing; I was once and perhaps still am one.

Let's investigate a typical conversation of two people, for brevity's sake, let's call them Rob and Jerry respectively.
Context: Rob and Tom are classmates who have just finished a class together. Both students are new to the school, having only been there for a few days.
Jerry: 'How did you find that?'
Rob: 'Good.'

How many conversations have you had like this? One person asks How are you? or How is [insert_thing] going?

The other gives a one-word response like Meh or Good, or sometimes a three-word response 'It was [insert_adjective].' 

I've probably had over a hundred conversations like these. They are cliche and they are boring and quite frankly a waste of time. What did the questioner gain from this conversation - Rob likes the lesson? You see the word 'good' is a neutral word even if it evokes positivity. It's used as a response in these conversations so often that it lacks meaning nowadays. Therefore Jerry isn't able gain much information from Rob and often at this point people lose interest and move on. 

The dictionary definition of 'to talk' is: to express or exchange ideas by means of spoken words.

Note. Talking is an exchange. If one wants to talk one must give something to the listener, otherwise one is just speaking. If Rob expressed something specific relating to the lesson, then perhaps Jerry could then have the opportunity to also comment about the topic.

In summary, truth be told, there are no set templates in a conversation. Dialogues that follow one such as above are often uninteresting. Instead, when responding to a conversation, take some time to think about what the person has talked about and then respond specifically. This gives a more sustainable conversation. 

The above is just a guideline to a sustaining a conversation. Feel free to disagree with it. If you've found it interesting please drop a like and follow. I will be writing more posts at a minimum of once a week.

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Interests: human psychology, technology, music, maths, crypto, anime, daily life, philosophy, happiness

How to make friends!?
How to make friends!?

Friends are very useful things to have, especially when making money. Often on forums and real life, people ask me how to make friends. In this blog I will talk about my experience and strategies on making friends.

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