The small heap of white envelopes that sat on the kitchen counter taunted me painfully. Each of them holding information that would make or break the picture of my future.

 

Bold beads of sweat crawled down my back then dispersed into the black faded jeans I'm wearing. My right leg beat rhythmically as my heart rivalled the hummingbird from anxiety. The dark marble dug into my elbows that caged the letters in, while I dug my hands violently into my huge head of loose afro curls.

 

I sighed heavily then mentally ordered the letters from my most favourite to my least favourite before physically doing it with my hands. There were eight in total. I breathed heavily and whispered in a defeated tone wiping my hands into my jeans "Here goes nothing."

 

I stared at the letters, my hand hovering over them undecided on which one to choose. Damn the movies make this look so easy, people getting all excited about college acceptance letters. This shit is terrifying. So I closed my eyes and grabbed one randomly, shook the content to one side and tore the envelope open.

 

"Dear Mr Taylor," I mumbled browsing through the letter trying to find the important part," we are happy you... Hmm... Oh... unfortunately after your review... " I dropped the letter. I looked at the counter and realized it was from my lesser like section so I grabbed one from my more favourable pile and did the same " Dear Mr... thank you for applying... we are not accepting..." I dropped that one too. Eventually, I ran through all the letters and the responses were all the same basically saying sorry we don't want you in our school.

 

I sighed softly and dragged my hands forcefully over my face feeling the weight of my body being drained of all positive emotion. What could I have possibly done wrong on any of those applications, normally colleges would be chasing a student like me but now it seems they couldn't care less. Guess you win some you lose some. 

 

I slowly slid off the high stool, did a little stretch and then looked at the clock that was mounted above the stove opposite the counter. It read ten thirty, and my eyes started to sting so I started off to my room. I finished the kitchen and dining area, through the living room, up the stairs, pass one guest room on the left, one on the right, my big brother's room with weird moaning noises coming out of it on the left, the guest bathroom in the right and at the end of the hall my room.

 

I have the biggest room in the house, but it's OK with my family cause I got a big ass walk-in closet that takes up almost half of it. I had it built a couple of years back because of my unhealthy obsession with clothes and shoes.

 

I closed the door behind me slowly, then pressed my back firmly on the hard wooden surface. The door felt cold but it was comforting because it reflected the dull mood I was in and it looked like the sky was soon to follow because through my room window I could see the stars slowly being snatched away by large fluffy dark clouds, mumbling lowly as lightning whip the sky bitterly.

 

"Jay sweety," my mother's calm voice dragged me out of my dark la la land.

 

"Mom," I answered shortly not really in the mood to talk but trying not to be disrespectful because this entire situation was not of her fault.

 

"What did they say, sweetheart?" She asked with a tinge of excitement in her voice. "Did they say yes? When'll you be going? Which one will you be going to?"

 

My body tensed and the constant onslaught of questions made my head hurt but I answered her questions anyway, in a heavy monotone "Yeah, they said yes. I should be going tonight. The one on thirteen Robinson's Avenue off Sunset Street." As the words left my lips I could practically feel my mother's excitement shatter.

 

"Oh, baby.."

 

"No it's OK mom I'll just try again next year," I said defeated and turned to press my head on the door.

 

"Oh I'm sorry baby. Um do you want-,"

 

"Mom I really just want to get some sleep," I whispered through a sigh finally freeing myself from the door and staggering to my bathroom to catch a warm shower before bed. When I returned I face-planted into the mattress drowning in the arms of my life-size teddy bear. 

 

I woke up later to an exceptionally loud clap of thunder followed by the doorbell. I looked across my bed over Teddy at the neon blue digits on my silver alarm clock, decorated generously with dents from being thrown regularly.

 

"What the hell," I heard myself croak-whisper. It's three in the morning and someone was ringing the God damned doorbell!

 

The bell rang a few more times and against my better judgement, I crawled out of my bed and quietly and slowly walked downstairs. I tried to swallow the lump of fear in my throat but each time I did, it only got bigger as I led my body steadily to the wooden, glass and metallic slab that separated me from whoever was out there.

 

Halfway down the flight, the doorbell stopped ringing and my body refused to go any further as time itself froze to see what would happen next. I almost lost my shit when the sky exploded sending a mini earthquake through the house. How the hell is my family sleeping through all of this. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady my racing heart.

 

When I opened my eyes I almost ran back up the stairs when the mail slot flipped open and spat out a letter. I waited like I was expecting it to get up and start attacking or something.

 

I edge forward slowly keeping my eyes on the door, and when I was close enough I used my foot to drag the letter towards me almost tearing the wet envelope.

 

It was oddly warm though like it was tucked against someone's body.

 

I grabbed the letter quickly and examined it for damage but couldn't make much off it cause there wasn't much light except the thin beam of the street light coming through the frosted glass in the door.

 

I ran my hand over it, it's a lot dryer than I thought it would be but, all of this for a letter though.

 

I slowly walked into the family room and threw the letter on the coffee table. What could be so special about this letter that it had to be delivered at three in the morning?

 

I rolled my eyes feeling them make a fuss from their desire to continue my sleep so I clambered back upstairs to go back to my peaceful abyss. Oh sweet, sweet sleep.

 

My peace was disturbed by an annoying buzzing slamming into my eardrums pulling me out of my unconscious state, but neither my mind nor my body was ready to wake up yet. 

 

I swung my arm across the bed feeling for the cold metallic surface of the alarm, searching for an off button or a snooze button or something to make it shut up but I couldn't find anything so I curled my fingers around the small box then throwing it roughly.

 

Silence returned to my ears and snuggling into my cuddle buddy, Teddy. I started slipping back into sleep, but the universe hated me.

 

"Jay get up," my brother barged through the door waking me up again.

 

"Does everything want to wake me up," I grumbled in a heavy and pissed morning voice.

 

"Whatever dork you have a letter".