in extreme crucifixion

I have my arms my eyes my hands my feet
in extreme crucifixion

because I am put in the world
by the dark laws of dawn
through a great mouth of a thousand golden tongues
put and thrown
to suffer die and rise
many times

I'm put on and thrown
multiplied and expanded
in tiny fragments of illusion

yes i am crucified
put to give birth and beget strange creatures
to bleed and fornicate in a thousand ways with the shadows
and to die and die
many times
as necessary

I hear distant litanies
and remember

I remember when I heard distant songs or masses
In the woods
and had a song a proper name a den
also a father a mother a slight song
a slight whisper just maybe

I had a world, a country, a family

so i emigrated
and I looked for the dark for passion or madness
and out of passion or madness I fled to the desert: my heart without light

I had a world, a country, a family

and had a thousand nights shared a thousand beds
and friends full of empty hands
and a suffering carnal god:
my own god Father Totem still absent

when fleeing from the wild rhythm marked by the bodies
I was the same but a different one reflected in the mirrors
I was the other the treacherous the insightful
always fleeing in agony

always running away

always fleeing in agony without a Father