II.

I slept and I saw her again, radiant and glowing. We played, we laughed, we cuddled and I felt warm. I had missed the feeling. Then we spoke, voice like silk, Jerusalem bells ringing…the sound of innocence, though slightly tempered by experience, yet beautiful in the state.

I woke and Sunshine wasn’t beside me. My smile vanished.

I am actually supposed to be a happy person. It’s just that I don’t know the difference between love and empathy, nor do I question why I should be overcome so frequently with nostalgia for times and places not my own.

No matter where Sunshine is, there is something about the memories of her attempts to form a bond that bruises my heart, because it is too soft to break. Perhaps I have not the capacity to love, or perhaps it’s the simple understanding of how. Either ways, something is wrong and I am not exactly aware of what it is. How does one fix something that is outside of awareness?

The morning rain has turned to evaporating diamonds in the afternoon heat. In my heart there is still expectation, a clearing in the woods; and no longer any need to fear love or death by dreaming. Hope is a gift. You can’t choose to have it. To believe and yet to have no hope, is to thirst beside a fountain.

Nothing in life is not mixed. All things are passing, love never changes. And thus I have a new fear, that it would end the same way, no matter what, leaving me to suck salt.

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If you missed it, you can go here to read Part 1 of this piece: >>> https://www.publish0x.com/byte-fiction/reflections-of-sunshine-part-1-xdnolne