I have my mother's strength; it's also my biggest weakness. I can push through anything and keep going. I do not know how to quit or give up on myself. You can beat my brain with as much trauma as you want, I will keep going and ask If that’s all you got. I have said, and proven, to more than one person “the only thing about me that should scare you is that I am not afraid to build my world because I know that I can sit in my power and light my world on fire and use the ashes to start over if it gets that bad”. I am a bad bitch, but I am also a human. I forget that at times, and I forget I am allowed to have problems and be sad.  I am allowed to feel the full spectrum of emotions and I am allowed to need help – In fact I won't get a choice but to need help eventually. That need for anything other than just me drives me insane; “I want but I do not need” I say to myself and it's a lie.  I need the same damn things every other person needs.  

I got married this year. I bought a house this year. I have a 4.0 GPA at a private university in their law program. I have been sober for longer than I have ever been sober since I was 18 - that’s mine to celebrate so don’t ask the time I won't tell you. I have so much to celebrate, but I have been hurting so bad. I have also lost two friends this year, my uncle died this year, and my father died this year. My husband has a very important job that makes me so proud of him, but that means he’s not around as often as other husbands are so I'm often home alone. I am lonely. I spent a few months sulking in this and then I decided to do something. 

Last night I went to NA (Narcotics Anonymous). I prefer it to AA. I have never found AA to be as accepting as NA. I don’t discourage anyone going to either, my experience is not the only one, so go find out for yourself. Worst case scenario you spent an hour helping yourself figure out where you want to be. I haven't gone to one of their meetings since 2015. I tried to talk myself out of going and almost did. I was out getting a coke to drink and realized I was willing to leave my house for a coke, but not for a group of people who could change my life, so I went to the group. I was hugged when I got there and for asking if I was in the right place. I was able to talk about things and have people who have been through some shit like me respond but also just listen. I was able to say I was 3 days clean of nicotine and I got praised. I work so hard in life to do all I can for people to my best ability and find it’s often not recognized, but I show up to this meeting and I am loved and praised because I show up - that’s it. I realized at the end of it that I had really tried to talk myself out of going to something because I thought I was so far past needing it, and it turned out to be exactly what I needed. 

If you're a strong bitch don't be afraid to need help - our ability to heal makes us so tough. Be proud of that. If you know a strong bitch hug them and tell them you love them because they need it just as bad as the rest.

I'm putting some links below for you to check out and remember You are NOT alone. You ARE worthy. You ARE capable. You ARE deserving. You ARE seen. You ARE heard. You ARE loved. You ARE appreciated. You ARE Enough.  

I cant wait to see how amazing your story turns out <3 - Regina  

If you need help getting sober call SAMHSA at 1-800-662-4357 

If you are suicidal, feel like hurting yourself or know someone who is Call or text 988 

For Trans or LGBT Youth I suggest  you check out Youth outright here - I participated in them in my teenage years and they can be a wonderful place to find support or meet friends. If the hyperlink doesn't work copy and paste https://www.youthoutright.org/  

If you need immediate support in a time of crisis, please contact Trans Lifeline - at 877-565-886  

A simple google search is often the best way to find support, answers, and those who are like you.  

If you liked what you read follow me! Feel free to tip as it helps me, but do not feel obligated. I appreciate you taking the time to read what I had to say and hope it helped someone, even if it's only one.