My coming out story is a pleasant one, and I’m sharing it to let other transgender persons know that there can be a really positive outcome, but also to help parents and families of transgender persons have an idea of what worked for my family, and perhaps apply it to their own. My story is mine, this is only a tiny piece of it and everyone's unique – live your story the way you believe is best. I'm breaking this down into 3 sections so you can read it all or the part you want to read – they all go together as part of my story though. 

Some background 

To start I will say that I have always wanted to be a woman. I remember my aunt would take me on walks around lake Junaluska and I would tell her I wish I were a girl so I could wear pretty clothes and do my hair like hers. In hindsight, she is the first person I ever told. My aunt got me my first baby doll. It was one of the ones you could fill with warm water, so it felt real, and it had a Pluto (the cartoon dog for those who are too young to know) onesie on. I loved that baby doll. I also enjoyed Polly Pocket dolls and loved wearing the wedding dress my daycare had in the toy box. My family maybe questioned at times why I enjoyed these toys, but they didn’t forbid me from enjoying them. I don’t want to give the idea I was raised around all girl toys. I also loved Legos, model cars, video games, toy swords, nerf guns, and dressing up as a ninja or spiderman. I would marry my Polly Pockets to my action figures and they’d take off in a model car to the house I built them out of Legos. I also played softball and soccer; I took Tai Kwan Do and played the alto saxophone. My family allowed me to enjoy the toys and hobbies I wanted to enjoy and experience life in whatever way I wanted to so long as it was safe. This would be essential in later years when I came out as gay and later transgender. 

Coming out gay 

I came out as gay my freshman year of high school. I was in an early college program and away from the students I used to be bullied by. My school was small and had a diverse student population, so I felt comfortable looking into myself and accepting what I did and didn’t like. That is a challenge when someone is being bullied every day, so I have to say my school also played a major part in my ability to comfortably be myself. I came out first to my dad. I just asked to talk to him, and I went down to the basement, and I told him I liked guys. I'm not 100% sure why I chose to tell him over my mom first, but I think it had to do with how very matter-of-fact he normally was about things. I didn’t know all the answers, and I figured he would take a laid-back “okay so your gay, cool” kind of approach. He did and that was that. He told my mom about me. My mom is a very loving and accepting woman, she's just a strong and independent woman and a lot to live up to and that intimidated me at the time. Later in life her power became less intimidating and more of an example I would choose to live by. My mom accepted it, but hated a bracelet I wore that was rainbow. She tried to throw it away a few times and eventually succeeded. At the time this hurt a lot and made me think she wasn’t accepting. That bracelet was my way of proudly being me and not being afraid to say that. Looking back, throwing it away was less my mom refusing that identity and more her trying to stop me from getting into a situation where I may have been harmed – we lived in a small, country farming town. It was a clash of a mom only thinking about making her child's life as safe and easy as possible with a teenager who only thought about self-expression and screw what anyone else thought. We both had the best intentions but lacked the ability to communicate in a way we each understood – I struggled to communicate emotions and had terrible anxiety in high school; my mom thankfully had me in therapy most of high school and I eventually got better at communicating what I felt in a way others could understand. Around my sophomore year I wanted to wear eyeliner and let a girl at school put some on me. When my mom found out I was letting someone put their eyeliner on my water line she bought me my own saying something like “using someone else's is gross and can give you an infection. Think of all the bacteria around the eyes and how many other people she's using it on”. This would eventually lead to me exploring makeup all together (which my mom still asks for advice on how to do some looks to this day) and stealing my mom's Harley Davidson boots with a 2” heel. (She was not happy about that because she liked those boots – sorry mom you have good taste what can I say). I felt so pretty in makeup and heels. I would go to school at Aveda Institute (my mom looked them up and gave the suggestion) to go after my dream of being a makeup artist, do some makeup for my mom's hair stylist photos, getting involved in drag shows (which my family came a saw) and then one day coming out as trans.  

Coming out transgender 

When I came out as transgender, I was 19, engaged and living in my own apartment, driving a Volvo. I was doing makeup (and had a stockpile worth of it from MAC, Urban Decay I was a makeup junkie), doing drag shows every other week and really loving life. I had all I could really ask for being so young but still something was missing, and I just wasn’t enjoying it the way I felt I should. I realized I was transgender throughout my life, but it just hit me one day. It was that simple. I was watching Once Upon a Time and realized I was extremely envious of the main character which is odd as I don’t get attached to show characters. I realized I wanted to be here, or more so a woman. Drag and makeup and clothes were only helping numb that desire a little and just weren't working anymore. I found a doctor to do hormone replacement therapy, and then I came out. I came out differently to different family members. Some people I emailed, some I called. My moms was the most memorable and bless this woman for some of the things I've told her at work. I told her I wanted to talk to her and was stopping by her work to talk. She had an office at the bank smack in front of the teller line. I closed the door and said, “SO when I told you I like guys as a guy I lied, I like guys as a woman and am going to transition to one”. Keep in mind I dropped this without warning to her in the middle of a workday (in hindsight I should have done this differently). She accepted it and cried a little, not out of sadness but she wanted my life as easy as it could be, and it was about to get a lot more challenging, and she knew that. I started hormone replacement therapy but continued to live as a boy until my 20th birthday, after 7 months on HRT. On that day I bought a wig, a pushup bra, a new pair of shoes, jeans and a shirt (I wasn’t comfortable in a dress yet) and my family threw me a birthday party at a local restaurant, with our family and even family friends. Everyone got gender pronouns correct, called me by my new name and we had a great time. It was done in a way I believe should set the standard for how families could show acceptance. They showed we will support you in public, in front of friends and family, as long as you are happy with your decision. This would give me the encouragement to continue as I was and almost 8 years later, I have no regrets. I'm not going to say transitioning has been easy, but those struggles are mine and better suited for another blog post.  

Thank you to my family and friends for your continued support and love.

I'm putting some links below for you to check out and remember You are NOT alone. You ARE worthy. You ARE capable. You ARE deserving. You ARE seen. You ARE heard. You ARE loved. You ARE appreciated. You ARE Enough. 

I cant wait to see how amazing your story turns out <3 - Regina 

If you are suicidal, feel like hurting yourself or know someone who is Call or text 988

For Trans or LGBT Youth I suggest  you check out Youth outright here - I participated in them in my teenage years and they can be a wonderful place to find support or meet friends. If the hyperlink doesn't work copy and paste https://www.youthoutright.org/ 

If you need immediate support in a time of crisis, please contact Trans Lifeline - at 877-565-886 

A simple google search is often the best way to find support, answers, and those who are like you. 

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