To close the Saab chapter, it ended on a sour note.

My brother and I took it to Germany, to a music festival near Hannover. It made it to within a mile of the campsite before blowing out a spark plug, snapping the coil pack that sits atop it in half, and breaking the electrode off the end of the plug too. I used my rusty A-level German to beg a local garage for a suitable plug and use of one of their sockets, extension bars and ratchets which allowed us to remove the old plug, fit the secondhand plug we'd been given and re-seat the coil pack. through a massive amount of luck, the coil pack continued to work despite being in two pieces, it bolts into the head and with the bolt in place, the two parts were clamped together enough for it to continue to function.

However, the new plug only went in about 3 rotations before hitting resistance, presumably as the old plug came out/rattled about it destroyed the threads in the head. Since we were back in business, and it wasn't far to limp to the campsite, we left it like that and drove to the carpark very slowly. There was an electrode end in the engine somewhere, and the new plug was only barely held in so it was very slow and careful. objective #1 was to get to the festival. we made it. Just.

Once we were in and set up, I called the breakdown people and explained what had happened, and that while I was currently mobile, I had serious concerns about the viability of driving the Saab in its present state 600 miles at Autobahn speeds home to Blighty. They were surprisingly understanding considering I had paid just £29.10 for my breakdown cover. I patiently explained that I wanted nothing done yet, as I was at a music festival that I had paid to get to and was going to enjoy, but that on the Monday we'd need to have a bit of a think about getting it looked at. I pushed to get them to flatbed it back home, but they insisted I get a local garage to diagnose the issue first. They called the ADAC that day and we got it onto a flatbed and delivered to the garage that had lent me the plug and socket earlier, dropping off the key. by this point it was Saturday morning and they were closed for the weekend.

Monday came along, following a frankly excellent festival, and the breakdown people had laid us on a taxi to Hannover airport (125 Euro), 2x flights with British Airways to Heathrow (£480 each) and a hire car at Heathrow for 24 hours (£58) to get us back to Hampshire via Suffolk to take my brother home. They called me later that day to say the garage reckoned they could put in a new plug, and a new coil pack but that it'd cost me 580 Euro plus 19% VAT - so lets say £650. I patiently explained to them that:

1. its a half hour job to do the work described
2. I had serious doubts about whacking a new plug into a mangled head and driving it hundreds of miles home

I asked if the work would include a helicoil, as that would make the costs slightly more understandable and give me peace of mind that it'd hold up to the journey. The herbert on the phone didn't know, but said they'd ask the German branch and get back to me. I asked about the feasibility of getting it returned to the UK on a low-loader and they said that due to the book price (£330) of the car vs the repatriation cost (£980) they weren't going to be able to do that.

24 hours later they called back to say that the work quoted would not include a helicoil, to which I suggested that the quoted price for £580 in parts and half an hours labour was on the high side. To which they responded that they couldn't comment or vouch for the quality of the repairs. Not exactly confidence inspiring. I pushed for the repatriation, having checked with my local Saab specialist who reckoned that he could put a helicoil in for £80 - £100 if it was at his workshop. they said that their policy was that if the costs of repatriation exceed the book price of the vehicle they will not do it. At all. Ever.

Sadly this only left option C. Scrap it. I had no confidence that I'd not blow it out again, even more seriously, 50-100 miles into the journey and have to scrap it anyway after spending twice the value of the car on iffy repairs with no comeback. I already knew the water pump was leaking, the steering column was worn and needed replacing due to stiffness in one plane of movement in the UJ, and that there was a rogue spark plug electrode in there somewhere, plus being 65k overdue a turbo failure. Sadly head overruled heart on this and I had to tell them I couldn't justify the cost, despite their willingness to fly me BACK to Hannover, and taxi me to the garage FOC.

I looked at shiply quotes to get the car repatriated privately and the cheapest was over £900, again, just not viable. 

I've filled out the form, sent a copy of my passport and the V5c to them and hope to get some kind of notification from the DVLA before long that its either scrapped or permanently exported or whatever, and get a VED refund. A sad end to a good car.

So moral of the story is that £29.10 cover is not all bad, I cost the underwriters over £1100 and they got me home to my timescale, and in relative comfort. However, I expect that most end of life cars will suffer the same as mine, so don't expect to get your car back if you break down out of visual range of the UK.

Sadly this is the game of roulette I play with cheap tired cars, sometimes you just have to admit defeat and move on to the next project...