Today I am going to meet him at the wooden cafe.
The same table that we have so many memories of, by the window. The cafe waiter always reserves that table for us.
My God! What a nice and sweet feeling it is to sit across from Lamand and drink the bitter coffee while looking at his sweet gaze.
I have promised Lamand many times that I will make him happy. But given the current situation, I don't think I can achieve even one percent of the goals I had in mind for Lamand. I even talked to him about this. But he is not like me at all and he doesn't see the future like me. He says: "The important thing is that we have each other and nothing can stop our love."

As soon as I reached the entrance of the wooden cafe, I suddenly heard someone greet me from behind with a warm and friendly voice. Yes, it was Lamand himself. In the same warm, gentle voice that always called me. She looked at me with the same furtive look that always squinted at me. She was wearing a sky blue knitted sweater that was loose and fluttered on her body. She kept tucking her hands into the sleeves of her sweater because of the extreme cold. It was as if her hands had become very thin and small. She kept tucking her hands into the sleeves of her sweater, so that I couldn’t see if she had hands or not.

She said, “Hello Sami, how are you?”
I was so mesmerized by her beauty that I couldn’t answer.
She said again, “Hello Mr. Sami! Mr. Sami, I’m talking to you!”
I said to her in the same confused manner, “Hel- Hel- Hel- Hello!”

“What’s wrong?! Why can’t you speak properly?”
Samyar said, "No, Dad, it's nothing. I'm a little cold and that's why I'm clumsy. It's nothing, I'll be fine."
Every time I see her, I lose control of myself and don't understand at all what happened or where I am or even what's going on around me. I just get lost in her beauty and get lost in her eyes.

With the same special warmth in her eyes, she said to me, "Let's go inside the cafe and talk. I want to see what our Mr. Sami is doing."
Completely out of control and very excited, I opened the door of the cafe for Lasso to come in. After she entered the wooden cafe, I also walked behind her and we both went to the same usual table.

We both sat down at the same time on the old red leather chairs of the cafe. As soon as we sat down, the barman came and, as usual, started giving me unnecessary compliments that got on my nerves.

Arad said, "Well! What do you want, madam?"
Lamand said, "Do you have coffee?"
Arad said, "Yes, madam, our coffee is always ready. I kept this table empty because I knew you would come. Otherwise, you know better than anyone how crowded it gets here and there is no room left for anyone else."
Lamand said, "Thank you very much, Mr. Arad, for your kindness. I will have a cup of coffee. Sami will have coffee too. Is that right, Sami?"
Samyar said, "Yes, I want coffee too."
Arad said: "Okay, dear. But let me tell you that our coffee comes directly from Brazil and is a blend of Robusta and Arabica coffee that..."
Samiar said: "Arad, please bring the coffee. I don't know why you are giving such a long explanation. Bring the same coffee that you always bring us."
Kamand said: "Yes, Mr. Arad, thank you!"
Arad said: "Okay, Dad, I will bring you the same one."

Samiar said: "Look, Kamand, does he still love you?"
Kamand said: "No, Dad, I told him that I love you. But he always comes and thinks that my opinion will change. But my opinion is the same as you know."
Samiar said: "Let it go, it doesn't matter."
"What's wrong? Why have you been angry with yourself for so long? Whenever you see me, your frown is all over the place. It's the same story about your grandfather's house and your job?"
Samyar said, "Yes, Dad!"
"Oh, I thought what happened? If it's just this, these issues are not new, they are the same old issues. So don't worry, for God's sake! Don't make a big deal out of this. We came out to spend time together. Look, your friend brought our coffees."
Samyar said, "Oh, Dad, he came again. I really like him!"
Arad said, "Here, this coffee is for Arad, the respected lady. And this is for you, Mr. Samyar, the most respected."
I stared at him so hard that he panicked and ran behind the counter of the cafe.
Samyar said, "This was the only thing left for this annoying person to taunt me!"
"Baba, let go of the servant of God," said Kamand. "When God created him, He gave him a little less intelligence."
Samyar said, "But look at how he taunted me. What have I done to him?"
Kamand said, "Baba, let go of him. Samy said something. You are the same respected Samyar you are."
He knows exactly what words to use to calm me down. Exactly, Kamand's words are like water on fire, instantly extinguishing the fire inside me.
He knows exactly how and when to deliver the final blow to me, so that I cannot get up from where I am due to the intensity of my emotions.

"Well, tell me, my love, what happened? What's the story this time?"
Samyar said: "Nothing. Nothing special happened."
"Well, something must have happened that made your frown look so serious."
Samyar said: "What can I say? Otherwise..."
"Well, tell me, what's the problem? You're killing me."
Samyar said: "Baba Asghar died!"
"What?! Who died?"
Samyar said: "My grandfather, we called him Baba Asghar. My own problems were not small. Losing my parents in that accident was not small. This added pain to other pains."
"Okay, dad, you always have a negative attitude too. Tell me the truth, let me see what the story is. I don't really know your grandfather very well. You only talked to me about him a few times before."
Samyar said: "Dad, this servant of God was a boxer in his own city. He was so famous that he knocked out all his opponents! He became so famous that in his own city they called him Asghar Jagganeh Qamar."
"Well, the story is getting interesting."
Samyar said: "No, dad, what's interesting? He had a stroke just yesterday and died!"
"Oh Samy, don't interrupt me. Tell me what happened next? Tell me, well, then..."
Samyar said: "Okay. In the last match, the opponent colluded with the referee and, as he said, paid the referee to always warn my grandfather. My grandfather found out about the incident during the match and withdrew from the match. After these incidents, my grandfather waited behind the door of the stadium for the referee, and after the referee came out, he beat him up and embarrassed the referee."
"Killed him?!"
Samyar said, "No, Dad, he grabbed the referee and beat him up!"
Lamand said, "He did a good job."
Samyar said, "After this incident, he completely gave up boxing and sports."
Lamand said, "Oh Dad, I'm sick. By the way, what was the reason for his death?"
Samyar said, "The servant of God had a heart problem."
Lamand said, "Oh Dad. What did you do to your grandfather now?"
Samyar said, "You didn't expect me to bring him to the cafe with me?!"
Lamand said, "It's disgusting!"
Samyar said, "No, I was joking. I went and did his burial yesterday."
Lamand said, "I knew I would definitely come and help."
Samyar said, "No Dad, I didn't want you to know. I said you'd be upset if you found out. On the other hand, I don't have anyone at all. I'm just me."
"No, Dad, what are you talking about? You should have told me anyway."
Samyar said, "No, Dad, it's a good thing you didn't come at all. I was feeling sick yesterday!"
Lamand said, "Hey Dad, why?"

Samyar said: "First I went to the hospital to identify the body to see if my grandfather was there. They kept me waiting at the hospital door. Then they said go to the basement of the hospital, there they will give you the body to take for burial. In these bad conditions, they took a lot of money from me to take my grandfather back. Don't even mention the burial and shrouding costs!"
Lamand said: "Well, what happened next?"
Samyar said: "I won't say anything about the morgue. Everywhere smelled of dead fish. I asked the morgue manager what that smell was. He said: It smells like camphor. But it really didn't smell good, it smelled like leftover fish. Then they suddenly opened the morgue door so I could identify the body and see if my grandfather was there. They also brought a tin stretcher and put it there."
Lamand said: "What's the tin stretcher for?"
Samyar said: "Nothing, to take the body to the wedding! Well, it's obvious to take it to bury it."
"Sami, you've become so tasteless today!"
Samyar said, "Okay, Dad, I won't make these jokes anymore." Then they put my grandfather in a black body bag, like a piece of meat, on a tin stretcher. Then they unzipped the bag and pulled aside the cloth so I could see his face and tell if it was him or not."
"Was it him now?"
Samyar said, "Yes, Dad, but they stuffed cotton into all the holes in his face."
"Wow! What's the cotton for?"
Samyar said, "I don't know, Vala. They said it was to keep his body fluids from leaking out of these holes."
"Oh Dad, I feel really sick," said Samyar.
"Yes, Dad, after that I got caught up in the work of shrouding and burying him."
"If I had known you were so busy, I would have come and at least helped you."
Samyar said, "Dad, I didn't tell you specifically. Even my grandfather's other grandchildren don't know about this. If they had known, they would have come and taken the house I live in now from me. It's about inheritance and stuff like that."
"Oh my! You should have at least told me to come and help you. Or at least I would have comforted you."
Samyar said, "No, there was no need. I got myself together and went and sorted everything out and came. You know, Lamand! It's like all my nightmares are coming true."
"No, Dad, why are you napping?"
Samyar said, "Because it wasn't just this..."
"What else?"
"After the funeral, I took the bus home," Samyar said.
"Well..." Kamand said.

Samyar said: "One of the passengers asked me where the Banafsheh station was? I told him that there were two more stations left. I don't know if that servant of God committed suicide or what?"
"Speak honestly, let me see what you say."
Samyar said: "He was standing at the bus door and the bus door was open. Suddenly, he let go of the bar and threw himself down from the highway. Right away, a car came and hit him and threw him to the side."
"Oh my! So what a hard day you had."
Samyar said: "Yes, after this incident, the driver stopped and we searched for his body to find him."
"Did you find him?"
Samyar said: "Yes, but his whole body was in pieces. His fingers were stuck between the fenders of the car that hit him."
"Wow, that's enough, Sami. We came to have a coffee, and you're poisoning it for us too. Let's see what happens to your homework now?"
Samyar said: "I don't know. Otherwise, I lost my job and the business I had because our flower shop closed."
Kamand said: "Oh, Dad, what can I say?"
Samyar said: "I don't know. What am I left to do? Everything is in disarray."

Just when our conversation was getting to a good point, the same boy reappeared.
Arad said: "Ma'am, don't you want anything? What about you?"
It was upon hearing this one sentence that my temper was aroused. I approached him and grabbed his collar and said to him: "Look, either you get out of Lasso's life, or I'll make you forget about Lasso's appearance altogether. So before I ruin your face, get out of here!"
Arad said: "Okay, Mr. Sami, I didn't mean to. I just wanted to see if you wanted anything."
Samyar said: "No, you don't have to. You brought us our coffee. We don't want anything else. You can go."
At that moment, the handkerchief hanging from his apron fell to the floor. As he bent down to pick it up and run away, I accidentally caught sight of Lasso. I saw that he was staring at me with wide eyes and surprise. But I read in his eyes that he was saying: "This is the jealous man of my dreams." But he didn't say anything and just stared. Arad also picked up his napkin and quickly ran behind the counter of the cafe. It was as if he felt safe behind the counter of the cafe. After these incidents, Kamand said to me: "Sami, Dad, leave poor Arad alone. He didn't say anything to make you treat him like this."
Samyar said: "No, I should have taught him a lesson so that he would understand and speak properly to you and me."
Kamand said: "Never mind. I finished my coffee. Let's go to the park next to the cafe and take a walk in this snowy weather. Look, he didn't drink his coffee at all. He just left it on the table."
Samyar said: "Mr. Arad, doesn't he let a person drink a cup of coffee in peace?"
Kamand said: "Leave him alone, Dad. Don't worry, don't make such small matters big for yourself."
Samyar said: "Okay, Dad, I've been in a mess for a while."
"Yes, I see," said Kamand. "It's quite clear from your appearance that you're not doing well." Samyar said, "You know, on the one hand, my grandfather, on the other hand, losing my job. You know, no one buys flowers anymore."

"Yeah, I'm aware of it," said Kamand.
"These days, everyone is busy with their own personal affairs. No one usually buys flowers. On the other hand, my grandfather's grandchildren think I've taken over my grandfather's house and want to take it away from me. You know, Kamand, I feel depressed."
"Enough, enough, don't be so negative," said Kamand. Everything will be fine. We came to have a coffee, and you're poisoning it for us."
"Okay, I won't say anything more," said Kamand.
"You know, you have to live in the moment and enjoy the moment. Otherwise, that's what life is. You might come to the conclusion that it's too late and there's no room for compensating."
"I understand what you're saying. You're right," said Kamand. "No, on the contrary," said Kamand. "You don't understand this at all. If you did, you would have let us drink our coffee in peace."
Samyar said, "You're right, you know I'm not in a good mood. I apologize!"
Kamand said, "No, Dad, let your enemy apologize."

We stared into each other's eyes for a few moments. Kamand immediately looked away from me and took out her flowery notebook from her bag and started writing. I also glanced out the cafe window.
After a few minutes of writing in her beautiful notebook, she said, "Shall we go for a walk in the snow?"
Samyar said, "Let's go..."
Kamand said, "You know! I think it's a beautiful season now, and it's early winter, and autumn hasn't packed up its things yet. If you look carefully among the snow, you can find yellow and orange leaves among them."
I always envy Lamand's beautiful view of everything and I always want to see the world like her. But with the circumstances that happen to me and everything getting worse and harder every day, I really can't have such a good view of life. For me, everything is summed up in a dark world.
As always, that childish enthusiasm was flowing in her eyes and I felt that good feeling deep inside me with all my being.
We started walking on the snow together. Lamand was right. Walking on the snow and leaves was a special pleasure that was unrepeatable for me. The way the rustling of the leaves combined with the rustling of the snow created a special symphony in the heart of this gray city.
A beautiful symphony that resonated with Lamand's beautiful voice and buried my soul in a thin world of imagination.
In the world I had created for myself, everything was going well, when suddenly the whole world became black, dark and empty in an instant.
I came out of this world just when I saw Lasso lying on the ground and a car started to speed away. I was so immersed in Lasso that I didn’t notice my surroundings and all I did was call an ambulance to come and take Lasso away and I went with the ambulance to see what happened to Lasso.
On the way to the hospital, so many unanswered questions arose in my mind that I didn’t know the answers to any of them.
I mean, is he okay?!
Didn’t he die?!
If he’s dead, what will I do without him?!
If he’s dead, will it be so bad for me?!
These questions haunted me like a nightmare until the hospital. The two nurses who came with the ambulance were constantly checking Lasso’s vital signs to see how he was doing. At that moment, only the nurse's words calmed me down, saying, "He still has vital signs."
When we reached the hospital, they took Lamand away for further examination. I stood there waiting outside the hospital rooms to talk to his doctor.
Just as I was wondering what had happened and how it happened, the doctor came and called me.
The doctor said, "Are you with patient Lamand Yazdani?"
Samyar said, "Yes, I am. Tell me, Doctor, I can bear to hear."
The doctor said, "Calm down. Nothing special happened. Thank God that you brought him to the hospital on time. Because if you had brought him later, he would have died."
With these words from the doctor, my tears flowed uncontrollably and I said, crying, "How is he doing now?!"
The doctor said, "He is doing well now, but pray for him to come to his senses. Because he is in a coma."
Samyar said, "Of course. Does that mean he is in a very bad condition?"
The doctor said: "Not quite. We doctors call this a coma. Because she may or may not regain consciousness. Considering that your patient has both a brain hemorrhage and a concussion, the chances of her regaining consciousness are a little low. In this situation, only prayer can help the patient."
Samyar said: "Thank you very much, Doctor, you have been kind."
The doctor said: "Please, this is my duty. I will tell my colleagues again to pay more attention to Ms. Yazdani. Because compared to the other patients, she is younger. Young people are always our priority."
Samyar said: "Thank you very much."

After these words, I gave the doctor a fake, dry smile while crying and left the hospital and started walking.
The street was dark. A certain darkness had penetrated the depths of the city and the eye could not see the eye. The only thing that could be seen was the small lights that were on the side of the street and showed the way to the drivers. The only smell that could be felt was the unpleasant smell that had risen from the hospital and smelled like the injection room. It smelled exactly like washed clothes that had been left in a closed room and had spoiled the air in the room. Whatever it was, this smell bothered my nose.
In the darkness of the night, I could only go forward and forward. I did not know exactly which direction I was heading.
The future was shrouded in a halo of uncertainty and I was amazed and bewildered by it.
What was going to happen? What does life hide behind its mysterious curtains?
That night was one of the hardest nights of my life, and I barely made it through the night. I rushed out of the house and rushed to the hospital to see how he was doing.
Because the hospital had called me and said that he had regained consciousness today and that if he was feeling better, he would be discharged tomorrow.
I found his doctor and talked to him about the noose.
Samyar said, "Doctor, give me the good news. He has finally regained consciousness?"
The doctor said, "It seems that your prayers have been answered!"
Samyar said, "Well, thank God. You have made me very happy."
The doctor said, "Your Majesty. I have just one thing to say to you."
Samyar said, "Is something wrong, Doctor?"
The doctor said, "Nothing. It is just a matter that is not worth worrying about."
Samyar said, "What happened?"
The doctor said, "Mrs. Yazdani may not remember anything for a short time, and you will have to help her remember everything."
Samyar said, "Oh, Dad, you mean she doesn't remember me either? What do you mean?!"
The doctor said, "They have to get better completely so we can figure out what they forgot. I should also say that it depends on how much damage has been done to their brain."
Samyar said, "Okay. But what do you mean by damage?"
The doctor said, "The blow that was received may have damaged parts of her brain, which is of course nothing to worry about and will heal over time. Just don't bother her too much if she doesn't remember anything. Because she may be stressed and upset."
Samyar said, "Okay, no problem. As long as she is doing well, that's enough for me."
The doctor said, "In any case, she needs your help now more than ever."
Samyar said: "Eye. Rest assured about me."

I was very sad and worried. Because Lamand might have forgotten our best memories.
But I had no choice but to accept this situation that had happened to me and I just had to help Lamand remember everything.
I went to pay the hospital bill. As soon as I paid the bill, I went to the hospital coffee machine. In exchange for the money, I took a token from the nurse. I put the token in the machine and put the coffee cup under it until the cup was filled with coffee. The smell of coffee and cigarettes are the only smells that calm me down.
I was not feeling well at all and the only thing that could make me feel better was to sit in the hospital, drink my coffee and then go to the hospital door, smoke a cigarette and come back.
I became like smoke and went into the air. I sat on a lonely chair. Nothing from the past is left to me. Only a smile is left from the darkness. I am neither made of stone nor human. Problems have exceeded my limits. So I auctioned off my own happiness. Who heard my tears except the window?!

Just as I was sitting down to drink my coffee, I heard a voice that was very familiar to me. The voice said, "Sir, can I help you?"

"No, ma'am. Lasso, is that you?! Have you been discharged? Oh, how happy I am."

I was so happy to see Lasso that I fainted.
Lasso said, "But..."

"But it's nothing," said Samir.

"But I don't know you at all, sir!"
"Kamand, I'm Samyar," said Samyar.
"I don't remember you," said Kamand. "I just wanted to thank you and ask why you're so persistent in my work."
Samyar said, "Kamand, we love each other. I mean, maybe we used to. It seems you don't remember me very well!"
"No, to be honest, I don't. Anyway, thank you very much for your help."
Samyar said, "Please."

I just said that word and didn't say anything else and left. Because I didn't want Kamand to see my tears.
I thought to myself, maybe if I left him alone, he would remember everything.
But the interesting thing was, he didn't even remember me.
I had to go home and start smoking. I lit one cigarette after another and in the end, as always, I passed out.