I had just graduated from high school in a small town, and I was still looking for my first job. As a typical average student from a poor family, I didn't have enough grades to earn a college scholarship, and I also didn't have the experience or indications to get a decent job, so I was still unemployed. For another day, I would read the classifieds and call various employers. I took a dollar coin and handed it to the newsstand owner, taking the day's paper and a cup of unsweetened coffee.

After going through several pages of job advertisements with high requirements, such as previous experience or the need for courses, I started to get tired. It's really disheartening to have to look for jobs in a newspaper and not get anything bad. But, like a miracle from heaven, I see, in a corner of the newspaper, a really attractive vacancy:

Cleaning lady at the municipal hospital
No experience required
US$ 2,000.00 / month
Thursday afternoon interviews

I perked up and marked the spot with the pen, moving to the next page a little more animatedly. After a few hours of erasures in the newspaper, I start to make some calls and schedule an appointment for each of the interviews.

After a week full of unsuccessful interviews, Thursday finally arrived. Of course, I knew there was going to be a lot of competition, but for some reason I was excited and confident.

When I arrived, I didn't find anyone but me. I sat on the bench and waited a few minutes, until a very old woman came straight towards me:

“Hello, pretty girl, how are you? You're Annie, right?”

"Yes It's really me"

“Very well, follow me”

The woman started walking towards a door in the corner of the waiting room, at a slow pace. I, without hesitation, followed her, ending up in a hallway so soon I couldn't even see the end. After going through a dozen identical doors, she opened a slightly different door that had no nameplate. Inside it, there were several shelves full of cleaning products and utensils that I had no idea what they were for. After passing through a maze of metal shelves, we arrived at a wooden table with a weathered top and weathered wooden benches.

"Well Annie, since you were the only candidate, I think I'll hire you right now, is that all right with you?"

“S-sure, please” - I said, a little nervous.

“Okay, so bring your documents tomorrow and Monday you can start. Ah, more importantly, sign this document and then read and follow the envelope rules” - she said as she put the papers on the table - “To succeed in this job, it is much more important to follow all the rules without breaking none than really knowing how to clean. For your safety... never mind”

That last sentence sounded a little strange to me, but I was so happy about the hire that I thought it was just a force of expression. I signed the document, handed it to the old woman and opened the envelope with the rules:

Welcome to the Hospital Beneficente Santa Bárbara team

To avoid employee turnover and ensure your well-being as an employee, the cleaning team has established some rules for employees to follow:

Rule number 1: always carry an iron crucifix around your neck. Crucifixes of other materials are not allowed
Rule number 2: each ward of the hospital has two cleaning ladies per shift, and each day has three shifts. Make sure you correctly adhere to the timetable without fail
Rule number 3: memorize your co-workers' faces, especially Emanuelle's, and avoid approaching her. Emanuelle has a bad history of interpersonal relationships, and trust me, you don't want to argue with her.
Rule number 4: contrary to rumors, our food is very good, especially the stew served on cold days. But avoid knowing how it is done. You never know when an acquaintance might be on the menu...
Rule number 5: In all sectors of the hospital, there is always a pantry, used to store cleaning supplies and rest. During your breaks, you can stay in it, read books, listen to the radio, or whatever. However, make sure there are never more than five people in the room. Overcrowding in pantry rooms usually doesn't have good results, if you know what I mean.
Rule number 6: from time to time, an elderly man or girl will enter your department's pantry. If it's the old man, grab some food from the shelves, put it on the table and leave the room. But if it's the girl, get out of the room, get out of the hospital and run, run as hard as you can, and only stop when you pass out. If you are still alive after passing out, make sure you never enter the pantry room again. They don't like you...
Rule number 7: if you meet the girl from the previous item, but she blocks your way out, you will have five minutes to write a letter to the family. Office supplies are on shelf F66. When you're done, hand the letter to the girl and close your eyes as she reads the letter aloud. If she finishes reading and gives you permission, leave without looking back, hand in your uniform at reception and never come back. If she doesn't give you permission, make peace with your god, and wait...
Rule number 8: in the seriously ill patients ward, there is a shared room, where all four beds have bright red bedding, where all the curtains are bright red and the floor is made of red tiles. Make sure it is always clean, and carry a copy of the key with you at all times. You never know when the messenger needs a break
Rule number 9: on your sixth day, a short, balding man in a white suit will make you an offer you can't refuse. Let him try to refuse, and don't question his decision for a second. The man really is capable of fulfilling what he says, but the price will be very high. Instead, hand over the key to the red room, and say “Nuntius te exspectat”. Repeat this sentence as many times as necessary before finding the subject, so you don't miss a single syllable. His life will depend on it
Rule number 10: don't get pregnant, for nothing in the world. If you become pregnant, talk to any doctor anytime as soon as possible, he will give you a set of 25 pills of different sizes and colors. Take them all without question. You really don't want to bring "that" into our world
Rule number 11: in some corridors you will see a woman carrying a gag in her left hand. This woman will always change in ethnicity and age, as well as in facial and physical features, so don't try to remember her, just the gag. When you see the gag, just give her way, no matter where she wants to go, and if she asks you for something, do it right away, even if you're not working that day, after all Lucifer has to collect his debts, doesn't he?
Rule number 12: when you are inside the hospital, you will see many familiar people. This is one of the few perks of our job, so always try to see their eyes. If the eyes are dull and lifeless, this acquaintance will soon pass away, if the eyes are completely white, this person has already passed away, but has not yet realized it. Now, if the eyes are a bright color in any particular shade, including the pupils, try never to see those people out there again. They got spies everywhere
Rule number 13: we are family first and foremost, so try to be nice to all employees. Don't make the same mistake as our last employee

“What kind of a funny joke is this?”, I thought as I looked at my new boss in disbelief. “That's exactly what you read,” she said. I even thought about questioning her, but I didn't have time for that, because a girl touched my arm, and asked me to take her to the clinic as soon as possible. A girl who carried an iron gag in her left arm.

Applying for this position was a mistake…

Inspired by horror-tale YouTuber David Herick