​

Grade Nine · By QueenB.Divine

Make a little time for this one. New clothes, new classes, two hippies, the Grateful Dead and a lesson that followed me from high school straight into creating videos and learning about money. Allow 5–6 minutes for a quick read, 7–8 minutes at a comfortable pace, or 9–11 minutes if you want to pause and reflect. There’s a check-in halfway through. You don’t have to rush through my childhood. I already did enough of that.

Notice this: don’t believe the hype. You remember that song? Shout-out to Flavor Flav and everybody who gave us music with something to say. I didn’t know how often that phrase would come back around in my own life. High school. Relationships. Creating videos. Learning about investing. Everywhere I turn, somebody is telling me where I need to be, what I need to have and what’s supposedly about to change everything. Grade Nine gave me an early lesson in looking past all that noise.

But before we get into it, how are you? You know I’m going to ask. I ask myself every morning, and I wait for that honest first response. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s “eh.” And when it’s “eh,” I double-check. Did I go to bed with something on my mind? Did I wake up worrying? Is my body okay? Did I drink enough water? Before I get into investing, making videos or dealing with everybody else, I want to acknowledge the person doing all that work. Me. I want you to check in with you, too.

My mother used to say, “How you do little things is how you do everything.” I understand what she meant, but I’ve seen enough life to know that doesn’t explain every situation. Someone saying something doesn’t automatically make it true. Even that line from Ecclesiastes about nothing being new under the sun—I question that. You, me, our experiences, our ideas. Grade Nine was certainly new to me. I hadn’t done it before. I was about to find out what it meant for myself.

That’s something I keep learning: you can question things. You don’t have to make a public announcement every time you disagree. You can sit with something, investigate it and decide whether it makes sense to you. Because when Grade Nine came along, I had already built this idea that my whole world was supposed to change. I was going to high school. I was with the big kids now. I was excited.

It was the first time I got to choose my classes. Does anybody remember filling out those forms in Grade Eight? English, maths, electives, blah, blah, blah. You still had to put maths in there. Apparently, a fresh start didn’t include escaping arithmetic. But having a choice felt good. My own classes. My own locker. I had left so much crap behind, and I wanted to believe I was moving into something better.

By then, I was living in group homes. My memories move between a home in Thornhill, Ontario, and another around Danforth and Warden. They were two different experiences, and I’m not going to pretend the timeline sits neatly in my head. There are other stories from that period, including what happened after the little girl found me and brought me to her mother. We’ll get back to those. For now, keep riding along with me.

One home had these two hippies, Joan and Gary. They were into the Grateful Dead. Coming from a Jamaican home, I knew nothing about the Grateful Dead. By the time I left? Boom. I knew considerably more. Their carpet was shag. The whole place had that seventies feeling. But what I remember most is how humble, straightforward and kind they were. They had their own way of looking at life, and being around them gave me another way to look at mine.

There was also a Christmas experience I’ve never forgotten. With​ support that included Catholic Children’s Aid, three of us girls received an allotment of money for gifts. I remember thinking it was around three thousand dollars, although I can’t give you a perfect accounting of the amount now. What I remember clearly is that it felt enormous. We went to a mall I can’t quite place, then to the Eaton Centre, and we spent it.

Then we had to come home and wrap everything so we could open it on Christmas Day. Yes, the things we had just bought. And let me tell you, I was still excited. I know Christmas isn’t about gifts, but that experience was real to me. Having something to look forward to. Choosing things. Wrapping them. Opening them. Life had some excitement in it again. Grade Nine felt fresh.

Now, I’m jumping around a little between the first day of school and Christmas. Some things came earlier, and we did a lot of shopping at Christmas. But I remember that first day clearly: I wore everything new. Everything. I thought you had to arrive looking fresh and amazing. Then I looked around at the Grade Tens, Elevens and Twelves. Ragged jeans. Whatever clothes. Comfortable. Meanwhile, all of us Grade Nines looked brand-new from head to toe. We looked ready to be picked off. No wonder everybody knew who the Grade Nines were.

Notice this: a little check-in. Before we move from school corridors into social media and money, how are you feeling? Has this brought up a memory of trying to fit in, starting over or finally receiving a little kindness? Notice the room around you. Feel where you’re sitting. You can put this down for a moment. And if you want something to reflect on, ask yourself: What have I been told I need to have before I’m allowed to belong? You don’t have to solve it tonight. Just notice what comes up.

As the years went on, I learned that you don’t have to do everything new just because you’re entering somewhere new. You don’t have to buy an entire version of yourself to participate. How do you stop trying so hard to fit in? For me, part of it has been recognising when I’m following an idea of what I should look like instead of paying attention to what actually works for me. That lesson has followed me right into being a creator.

I love making videos. I like uploading them to different places. I’m using one of my gifts to create my future, and I want people to hear the stories I’m sharing. But I’m realising there is hype everywhere. And if you don’t do you, you can end up looking odd because you’re so busy trying to become whatever everybody says you need to be.

Here is my frustration, and I’m keeping it plain: YouTube is the worst, the worst when it comes to getting views on my videos. I put my work on different platforms, and I get more views elsewhere, including Rumble. Yet YouTube is supposed to be the big place. The place to create, share your stories and build something. Everybody keeps pointing you there. Well, I’m there. I’m creating. And I’m looking around asking, where is all this supposed opportunity for the work I’m putting in?

I did some digging because I wanted to understand what I was seeing. The enormous audience figures, the billions of views, the constant talk about what’s possible—it makes the experience even more frustrating when your own work barely moves. I’ve said, “It is filled with bots,” because that is how artificial and disconnected some of this platform experience feels to me. What I can tell you directly is that my videos have done better elsewhere. I’m not going to pretend I’m satisfied with YouTube just because it’s the place everybody says I should love.

Why am I getting more views on a smaller platform? That’s exactly the question I’m asking. And why should I keep treating one platform as the answer when my own experience is showing me something different? I can share my creations in other places. I can enjoy myself in other places. Just because everybody is heading somewhere doesn’t mean I have to hand over all my energy and follow them.

And here comes the investment connection. You didn’t think I was going to come full circle, did you? “XRP is going to the moon. Get in, get in, get in.” Then it’s Bitcoin. Then Litecoin. Something is always supposedly about to happen. You listen, you wait, you watch. And from where you’re sitting? Nothing. Yes, things take time. I’m not arguing with that. I’m talking about the noise surrounding the waiting. The certainty. The urgency. Everybody telling you that you need to be there.

How do you stop letting the hype make your decisions? I have to ask myself whether I’m interested because something fits my life or because somebody else is making me afraid to miss it. That applies to creating and money. I want to understand where I’m putting my time, my work and whatever money I have. I don’t want to keep running because somebody else shouted, “Over here!”

Find your niche. Find your place. Then create. Find somewhere you feel comfortable learning and building. I’m learning about wealth because I want to create something for my life. I’m making videos because I love making them. I want connection. I want my stories to reach people. There is nothing wrong with wanting results from your work, and I’m not going to act as though views don’t matter to someone trying to get their work seen. But I also don’t want those numbers deciding whether I’m allowed to keep believing in what I do.

Grade Nine had new lockers, new friends and all those expectations. But high school was work. It was tough, and parts of it were traumatic for me. Follow me through the grades, and you’ll understand more of that. There was excitement and kindness in that period, and there were things I still had to get through. A new school didn’t mean life suddenly became easy.

What I carry from that year is the importance of looking for myself. Listening for myself. Giving my own experience some weight. I can appreciate what someone else says without following them everywhere. I can try something, find it disappointing and say so. I can change platforms, change my approach and keep creating.

Create because you love it. Grow your wealth for you. Connect because you want something real from the connection. And before you get swept up in where everybody else is going, check in with the person you’re taking along.

Follow the journey through the grades at Cellphellow.com and watch the stories on YouTube. Yes, I’m still there, and yes, I’m still allowed to complain. What have you tried because of the hype—and what did your own experience teach you?

Take care of you. And beware of what all that noise is doing to your mental health.

Don’t believe the hype. You do you.

— QueenB.Divine