With excitement i traveled. The grave was one of the must do things. A list i presented myself with for the sake of many emotional briefings. I wanted to know what would hsppen if o visited her grave and hpnestly told her about what i have been doing. 

I never forgot. I kept telling myself i would and kept planning it when i was there. I had a new excitement for life emotions that i havent been given from real life in a while. Yet a world digital and conceptualised gave me the euphoria i was longing for. 

Every day was a conversation about it. Many of my friends didnt share it. They were preoccupied with their loves/societies and communities  i soon saw i wasnt a part of their community. It didnt feel good even though i took myself away from their society.

A place far away in the bush where the ocean takes the chance to sing at night as the sounds of the day fall asleep. A place where i am in no obligation to even engage with anything. 

I find peace in a man living, driving quietly next to me. He knows about the power of silence and gives it to me. But he doesnt know why i need it. 

I should have stopped to say hi. To talk to her. I didnt!

I feel its shame but it seems to me the shamefulness of it was even worse. I can be honest with her but im far away. Twenty years almost passing. I wonder what kind of man she would think of me. I wonder what kind of woman she would have been. 

My online markets and my defi are taken by society. on a time where the slump prevails. Suddenly we get excited about the bumps on the road that take us up forgetting how the car crashes afterwards. 

There is a lot i want to say to her. But i found myself blaming the mood set by a group of people i decided to leave regardless of my love for them. And i found myself estranged from the beauty of a concept that gave me back life. 

No statement will make me feel closer to my self. I see how strong words always make me look weak. 

I will start talking to her again. Loud so she can hear me. Its gona take me a long ride to decide how to start but the silence given to me as a gift will be a present i never expected. I will song with the oceans melody when i reach in hpoes that my voice will reach her and she can forgive me for being absent all these years 

And talk about the markets that brought me back to life from another dimention of the world. remind me of everything i have left lingering behind and everything i want to look forward to.