A glimpse of her past lunges infront of her vision. I could tell from the corner of her eyes that a memory caught up to the conversation we were having. Her smile doesnt fade as she speaks but her eyes shine as if piercing through a barrier that finds its way to her every occasion it could. A glamorous spark, that isnt more than a tear, gathering out of sentiment and realising it has no where to be found. I would look at her features as she continued realising that enough of those tears have already been wasted and that they serve a road map to where she is today.
I take the blame for directing things to a place where vulnerability would thrive. not sure what i wanted out of it, i was completely confident in her and didnt hesitate to trust her part. But there are things that i have heard before only to realise i only herd them but never heard her. There is a beauty in how people would express themselves and that twinkle came out,to tell me something, instead of take her somewhere. Bits of pieces of the story were designed to flow as if repeared many times before to perfection. But her face was different this time around. At least for the eyes that are looking at her through me.it was coffee and a beer some food and a lot of awkward obervations by yours truly. On a trip when i intended to be vocal about everhthing. i would realise i might have caught some ppl by surprise. I wanted to make sure i was there when things were happening. In my words they were expressed differently perhaps. but my presence and my existence werent concieved as different. A night at the house we ran around in as children. I would be smelling the flowers, touching the ground and staring at my grandmothers face every chance i could. I was probably misunderstood a lot of times. And a part of me hopes i was. If not for that then maybe my reality couldnt be adjusted to.
The sky next to me covers the earth. Soaring above the clouds i see myself writing this in 2 parts. The first was leaving my family,my friends,my inspiration. The second while i approach my future. The sun eyed everything in the horizon and the clouds stood in line. To everyone on the ground they seemed to be in order following instructions. But if you rise above them they would look to you as if in preparation,a march! Not led by the divine but the winds that carry us all different scents and flavours of the world.
Sometimes we find ourselves blinded by the same light that brought us salvation. But when the clouds block the skies only the true will rise to enjoy our grounds and will overcome the reality shined upon.
On a plane leaving the idea would come to me the night before. Of the few that impacted my own life s. Yet i only knew how i saw her not how she saw herself.
My sense of curiousity was selfish. i wanted to understand what would make awesomeness and what would one have to do to achieve it. The conversation didnt stop but her eyes would divert every so often when a time within her memory when the memiries werent the best of ones. She would follow up on it with a whole lot of smiles. I would like to think because my stupidity would have shown the distance traveled. but that wouldnt shake the fact that she was ok regardless. Maybe Just reflection might require its own space and sometimes not abrupt.
I had heard the story before. The dots didnt connect with that much detail since i would believe that after 14 years of existing within each others conciousness would allow us to see more than the original stories were laid out . With her it would be different because she would hear and only hear. I require repetition in order to structure the theme of the story then dive into the details.
But every time we dive into stories i see more. More of her past and more of her. I would look at her and realise how the narration would be changing,exploring and formulating. The same person 14 years later couldnt be so different yet still be the same. A story that said it all but nothing at the same time. Only to a witness that was excited to be in her presence. Who would know what the next couple of years will bring. But of the few things that excite me in life are the humans that make me want to be! In every meaning of the word. The reason why, i dont know.but inspiration seems to follow me around. And im always in awe with the decisions i find my self making only because of the few that have chosen me to be a part of theirs.