Working and living in mutual coordination is human nature, but constant compromise often creates problems especially if they are one sided. This feeling is shared by many eldest siblings who were led to sacrifice for their siblings at a very young age. This is true that younger ones need some time to learn about the world and how thigs work but that doesn’t mean depriving off the oldest.

Many times the eldest is made to feel that they aren’t enough. I used to think it was a joke but alas it proved to be true. They are expected to take care of the siblings like the third parent. They are expected to help in parenting, then in household work with the parents and also made to compromise on any toy when the parents can’t afford to buy for all the children. This feeling snowballs to a point where if they find themselves entitled to something and actually get it, it feels like they didn’t deserve it. They feel guilty but overtime realize that they also deserve good stuff. This good stuff could merely be a sweet like donuts that come in the house and the youngest gets the last one, or a favorite car seat, or even a gift that is given to all siblings to share but is played by the others because the eldest is told they are too old to play. When talked out with parents they give lectures how this was the norm in their time and how they have always lived like that … like please … not like their very own siblings now are fighting over the parents’ assets. This thing is very common in Asia especially in South Asia where the eldest, no matter son or daughter is laid with the responsibility of the siblings as if they were the ones having children. Sons are still considered when they show their anger but daughters are labeled disrespectful and what not for just speaking out for themselves.

This generational trauma needs to stop and eldest siblings should be treated like part of the siblings not one of the parents!