Over the many, many years, I have seen my motivation towards anything on the decline. Is it a mid-life crisis. Your guess is as good as mine. But there is an underlying feeling that I am going to get past my demotivation. Life is going to be all red roses again. I know my motivation levels declined as I allowed my dreams and hopes to wither away. My dreams and hopes gave way to a worry of the future and hopelessness that I have been able to do nothing, nothing productive anyways that is easing my sense of worry and THAT has allowed me live in in the dread.

There you go. I have acknowledged it. I am not negative and such but I just let the days go by without the slightest knowing of what I am doing or which way I am headed. But of course, if you were to speak to me, and tell me your worries, I am all positive when I say this – worrying is not going to change anything, doing something about it will.

I also know that I cannot turn my worries - my new found hobby as I like to call it dictate what the rest of my time is here going to look like and I will take this bull by the horns and fix it. But how? Where do I start? I don’t have a plan. I don’t think I need a plan. I am going to get a routine that keeps me going and I will stick to it. I want to go back to the things that I did before. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy cooking and I still enjoy gardening. But in all honesty, I have only been cooking when I have to and my tiny indoor garden – all they get is some watering every few days.

This is not a I feel sorry for myself post, but a realization that I can do better. I am going to help myself and unclog this part of emotion in me that is making me a person I don’t recognize anymore. I do miss everything that was in the past and I should let it go, knowing I had the privilege to them. I have to look ever so slightly different, and I may start to notice everything else that has been fogged only by worrisome thoughts.

Thank you for reading

I wanted something to be bright in this post, so I got this picture from -
Photo by Sergey Shmidt on Unsplash

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This article was first published on the Hive Blockchain

@keechadkikali