Loving secretly


By xaio_26 | To far to reach | 29 Jan 2024

"Youth comes but once in a lifetime.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


A day in my life as a simple teenager, I'm a normal teenager who have a peaceful life I feel like my life is boring cause nobody knows why I'm doing, I sleep a lot in my room making a movie in my head just fantasize the beauty of my own world.

I tend to create scenery in my head just to filled my so boring life and it's making me happy. Is it bad or not? Am I crazy now or it is just starting to make me crazy. 

Teenagers nowadays in my country are becoming wild and exposed because of the new generations they can do whatever they want and no one can break it, now I'm starting to be afraid like am I belong to this new generations? I ask that in my head when I'm alone.

I'm a NBSB when we say nbsb it is "No boyfriend since birth" that is the meaning of that, It's just that I'm afraid to commit and take a risk, Why? because it give you trauma and heartbreak, love is crazy it made me, you and everyone be someone else, like being obsess, possessive and paranoid.

Jealousy is the most common one in a relationship to happen. 


Then one time I feel like I have feelings with my classmate, and this is new to me actually she's pretty, smart, popular, cute and approachable she's like a diamond that shining in the middle of the cave. 

And I ask myself am I a lesbian cause I feel like I have a crush on that pretty girl in my class, whenever I see her my heartbeat goes crazy and I don't know what to do. 

I research online why does my heartbeat fast when I see her angelic face.

Base on Google response : A chemical release occurs when the brain sends a signal to the adrenal gland. The gland releases hormones of adrenaline, dopamine and norepinephrine into the body. This adrenaline rush is responsible for the fast heartbeat, while the dopamine is responsible for creating the feelings of excitement. 

I continue admiring to the point that I wanted to confess my feelings, when I'm ready to say that magic words to her,  I saw her with a guy laughing and they're so sweet enjoying each company then it break my heart multiple time when he kiss her lips, my emotions crack and my eyes water like a waterfall in a river. 


That time my heart ache brutally and that's my first heart break. 


Then I found out that I'm into girls but I still like boys though. 


And that's my new journey to tell. 


see you in my next post... 


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I'm just a normal person who live in a rural place, I'm a shy girl and I love reading romance books, I'm currently a student.

To far to reach
To far to reach

Admiring you from afar, do you know the feeling of couldn't reach the girl/boy you want to be with the rest of your life. Seeing the person I love the most being happy with someone else make me want to steal her. I'm just someone, her admirer and a good friends. Yes, she's so close yet so far, Because she's a ruler and I'm a rubber.

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