So i used to smoke recreational weed as often as possible. I would never buy the shit because potheads a lot of times don't wanna bake alone. So i never paid for the shit!!! Which was nice cause i'm cheap. I've actually been told i'm so tight that i could shit in a coke bottle without getting any on the edges. So having friends who smoked weed was a great thing for me. Except for one somber night i decided to light it up with my friends as we all got high and played video games. Smash bros for N64 was the game of choice back in those days. So i was staying the night at a friends house (whose name i don't want to say because he'd probably break my nose!) and we were smoking and smashing like any other weekend night.
After playing for some time i stood up to run to the bathroom to take a greaser and wipe my beautiful ass. After deucing i instantly got hit with an insane hunger. I was so hungry i could have eaten the ass end out of the comedian carrot top. I mean fuckkkkkk. My memory couldn't ever recall being this hungry before. But then again it couldn't recall shit after smoking so much weed. So i told my friend i had a crippling case of the munchies. He told me to get whatever i wanted out of the fridge. So as i ran down the stairs and opened the fridge with a huge smile on my face i saw the tragedy that was inside. When i realized it was completely empty my smile dropped as fast as the 2008 housing prices.
Right then i realized that blood fart friend of mine told me to eat whatever cause he knew there was nothing there. As i was closing the fridge something caught the corner of my eye. I opened the fridge back open and saw something orange in the door of the fridge. It was a huge wheel of cheese that was unopened. I was so hungry i ripped off the plastic and started to snack on the cheese. This cheese wheel could have replaced the wheel on my 1995 chevy S10 pickup it was so big. I didn't really care though because i was ravenous. After snacking and snacking and not really paying attention to what i was doing i looked down. All i saw was a small piece of cheese about the size of a nickel. Yes that is right, i ate the whole fucking cheese wheel by myself!!! Little did i realize at the time how this was going to fuck my future! So i went back up the stairs and played some more video games and went to sleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible stomach ache. It literally felt like an elephant took a shit in my stomach. I was bloated with a sharp pain all over. I took some pain killers and somehow when back to sleep. After that night occurred i didn't shit for a week. I had nothing but pain and bloating for literally years to come. Somehow this event made me lactose intolerant and messed with my digestion permanently. Thankfully this was approximately 20 years ago and my stomach has slowly improved over the years but a word to the wise. DON'T GET HIGH AND EAT A FUCKING CHEESE WHEEL!!!!