A few years ago, I won a million dollars through crypto trading, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $,999,999.75.
Bitcoin can’t buy me, true love, however, it puts me in a good position to bargain. The other day my wife’s crypto wallet got hacked. I haven’t reported it because the hacker spends much less than my wife.
The other day, I recognized an idiot who used to bully me at school, and he is still taking my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches. Our landlord says he needs to talk about our high heating bill. So we told him: "Our door is always open". Before the last Bitcoin bull market, in the dark age, I couldn't even pay for my electricity. So I stopped buying fortune cookies and instead bought some Bitcoin.
When I was still poor, I used to drink a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve and shout: "I've made enough money that I don't have to work for the rest of the year!" Those days are gone.
My wife suffers from halvingitis and comes to collect half my wealth every 4 years. I'm currently at my lawyer's, and my wife wants a divorce, at least after Mt Gox, I could recover some Bitcoin. All this life's experience made me second guess Nasa's moon landing, at least Bitcoin will go to the moon.
If this all doesn't work out, feel free to donate Bitcoin to me: I'm sure you'll recognize me sitting on the boardwalk.